He’s kidding. He’s got to be.
NOOOOOOOOOO!
Let it die! Please let it die!
Leah M, could’ve written your post mostly verbatim.
36, ugly, shy. Working on the shy thing. Ugly, not so much I can do about it (and trust me, I’ve tried.)
Thing is, I’m getting there… I think. Last week (thank the lord) I finally broke past a lot of the jealousies that kept me angry and depressed all the time. Now I gotta work on self-esteem, or at least self-worth. It’s a long road, from what I hear… But I’ve also learned that letting it be the definition of what I am makes me pretty unpleasant company… So I’m trying to find another version of me, if that makes sense. Or at least something else to focus on.
I’d have to say no to a drink if we’re buying rounds for the folks (I don’t drink for medical reasons), but … Heck, I think we should put everyone here into a room together… Force us all to be social. Who knows what might come of it?
Six months, but you have to put some work into it. Lifetime maintenance is a bitch, but she’s my bitch.
I don’t want to talk about it.
Care to share? (Either here or via email?) I could use any advice / encouragement out there.
I’ve requested the “Goodbye to Shy” book from my local library. I fear that it may be filled with the kind of perky sexism that turned me off the “Flylady” books, but I’ll give it a go anyways.
I could have written those words.
:: nods :: Trying to make the best me I can. I think a lot ofm people are doing that. When the
Marriage. Or mass murder. Hard to say, really.
I’m 65 I live alone but hell I’m sure not lonely.
I have friends, male and female and I also have Eccles my cat.
Now if Eccles was to die I’d be lonely, then I’d get another cat, Eccles 2
raises hand
34, good-looking, well-paid and desolately lonely. I like long walks on the beach and fine dining. 
Glad to.
For a huge part of my life, I could have written any one of the above posts. My love life sucked ass. (Of course, I wasn’t sucking anyone’s ass.) On December 31, 1991, I resolved to get myself a girlfriend within the next year. I promised to do whatever it took, no matter what. I stopped seeing my friends. My hobbies came to an end. My life as I knew it just came to a screeching halt. I got 100% focused on what I needed to do to reach my goal.
Self-help books get a lot of stick around here, but if you are smart and think critically, you can find the good ones and mine some real gold out of them. And I paid dearly for them. I filled an entire shelf of my bookcase with them, and I read every word of every one of them.
I’ll save you some time and money. Get this one.
Anyway, it became clear to me that the very first step was to raise my self-esteem. I got creative with it. I’d learn something, then cement it to my mind by marrying it to an action. Some things I did:
-Stop negative thoughts in their tracks, and replace them with nurturing thoughts.
-Take myself out to dinner. A nice dinner. Dress up for it. I was taking myself out, and I intended to show myself a great time.
-Smile at my reflection in every window I passed.
-Clean my room. Not to impress my guests (I didn’t have any), but to give myself an environment worthy of me.
-Cut the assholes out of my life. Surround myself with great people.
And there was a bunch more, I just don’t remember it.
And you know the funny thing? After a while it wasn’t about finding a mate any more. It was about finding myself, and I learned I was pretty awesome. And doing so was fun! I was having the time of my life patting myself on the back. I was happy.
tdn version 1.0 was dead. tdn version 2.0 was on the loose, and people started hiding their daughters. By May I was poking around a little. By August I was a freakin’ rock star.
The most tiring thing was when I had six dates with four women in a single week. By the seventh, day, I was all like “Will you stop with all the damn sex already? I need a NAP!”
The craziest thing was when one girl called me exactly when another girl was scheduled to show up. I tried to get her off the phone as quick as possible, but all she wanted to say was “I think I left an earring in your bed.”
“OK, sweetie pie, I’ll look for it. I’ll look for it RIGHT NOW.” Sheer terror. 
Anyway, since then I haven’t been sans babe for more than a few months at a time. And I have to say, I grew a bit complacent. I let things atrophy.
In February, I crashed and burned. If you’ve been following the boards, you witnessed it. It was bad.
But I’m doing the same work as before, but this time I’m going far deeper. And so far, it’s been freakin’ awesome.
Version 3.0 is right around the corner.
Before I submit, I should address the question: What is self-esteem? Solipsism? Egocentricism? Boasting? Not at all. It’s merely making the commitment to treat yourself in the same way you’d treat your favorite hero. And it’s not being dishonest with yourself. It’s actually being hyper-honest.
Feel free to ask questions.
42 male divorced. Soon to be twice divorced.
Long stories shot, the wives left me. I’m not really sure why, though I do think the fact that I’m not very wealthy was a part of both of them leaving me. I’ve never been ‘good’ with women. Basically my problem is I never realize when someone is attracted to me. I’ve had conversations with women I’ve know a long time that basically go, "I really wanted you Zebra, remember that night when I threw myself at you? Why didn’t you want to have sex with me then? To which I reply, “When did you throw yourself at me?”
I was laid off from work last year, so my work friends don’t really exist anymore. I’m temping, trying to find a job but no luck. Nobody invited the temp guy out for drinks. I feel that nobody would want to date the temp guy either.
I live alone with a cat.
It’s hardest at night, cooking for one and eating alone sucks.
OK, I’m going to shut up about my petty little problems from now on, after reading the rest of this thread.
Are you male, female, or other? 
I think we are talking at cross purposes here. IMO, the lonely ones here WANT a companion or a sex partner (or both-preferably contained within the same person), they realize they don’t NEED one.
I am able to support myself, fix most things, handle most of life (I’d outsource doing my taxes) etc. I want a friend–someone to share a look with. Someone to bring good news to (and bad as well). I don’t have that in my husband; therefore, I am lonely.
The situation is a bit different for single people, but not much. Pets are great, but they are not completely adequate “substitutes”. Plants are nice-good quiet roommates, but somewhat lacking in the support department. Parents are not adequate, either, nor are siblings.
Man is a social animal; we will always search for connection. tdn might prefer to find it in Vegas. I’d rather look closer to home. But first, I must get out of this marriage. Or else it must improve beyond all recognition. (yep, done the counseling thing-he went twice, I went for 3 years).
Note to all women: men may not pick up on your signals. Be really really obvious.
:: nods ::
That it does.
Holy crap… what a depressing thread.
I’m a guy, closing in on 50. I’m alone, but not lonely. I have friends and the only female I ever considered marrying as my best friend. Although she’s 550 miles away, we talk 5 or 6 times a week by phone. I don’t have an interest in finding a romantic interest due to some intensively indiscriminate sexual activity 15 years ago that left me… errr… contagious.
I’m comfortable in my own company and although I’ve lived with 10 women in my life, only one was worth the effort. Most people just grate on my nerves.
Male.
Dammit.
Long walks on the beach and fine dining are fun! But how would you ever convey that in a personal without coming off cheesy?
Say that you like ‘exploring the tidepools’. t’ll sound like some kind of euphemism without avtually being one.