“Code Blue…I repeat, we have Code Blue!”
“OH MY FUCKING GOD!! You managed to find COLD BEER?!?! Let me kick my boss in the balls, run out of the office, hop in the car and mow down a couple of nuns while driving 135 mph to the bar where they’ve actually achieved standard refrigeration!!”
Die.
Glade must have learned their lesson. In the newer ones she is Capable Woman married to Clueless Dolt.
I’ve got a couple, both from Hulu ads that run constantly.
First: Five-Hour Energy Drink. I simply do not understand these people that can’t get past 2:30pm in their work day without needing a nap. “Ever get that 2:30 feeling?” Uh…no? Who needs a nap at 2:30? What are they - two? The entire office is affected - everyone from the boss to the secretary to the mail room guy stumbles around like post-lobotomy patients.
Next: the women who stand around bilndfolded, incapable of figuring out that the thing they’re touching (“It’s a rope! It’s a pillow!”) is in reality a RHINOCEROUS. Really, ladies? You can’t tell that the thing you’re touching is enormous, moving around and smells like the Zoo? If I ruled the world I’d have that rhino spray a 100mph stream of piss all over them. Then I’d bet they’d figure it out. Oh, and this commercial is for feminine hygiene products. 
The pasta ones are pretty bad – who the hell manages to get pasta stuck to the pot? Or fling it all over the kitchen? I wouldn’t trust these people to make a PBJ.
The one for the Smart Mop, where the guy demonstrates that you can mop up a spilled drink, and then squeeze it right back into the glass. Why the fuck would I want to do that? That’s fucking disgusting.
That’s right up the with the guy who made a smoothie in the kitchen sink using the Dispos-All.
I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, unless it’s the grumpy McDonald’s guy who can’t live without his coffee, but I wanted to say ‘Thank you’ for making me laugh out loud several times in this thread already. 
The yogurt commercial with the woman on the phone naming flavors and the husband searching the fridge for the key lime pie and apple cobbler.
Both of them idiots.
He’s an even bigger moron. I’m pretty sure it’s the same couple in a later commercial where he’s talking on the phone to someone about all the desserts he’s eating lately and still manages to lose weight because of his awesome metabolism. Then wifey open the fridge, catches his attention and waves a yogurt container at him. It suddenly dawns on him that the apple pie, Boston cream pie and all the other desserts had all come in yogurt form. Now how stupid do you have to be to eat some yogurt and think you’re actually eating a slice of pie?
The lady who begs for spare change to buy extra drying cycles to shrink her clothes.
Although I think she’s really just sneak bragging about her weight loss.
Heh, I’ve done that before…the sticking to the pot thing, I mean. I’ve done it, oh, twice, maybe. But that’s because I was the dumbass who didn’t remember to stir it!
(Granted, I’ve had some pastas that sort of “stir” themselves, but it highly depends on the pasta. Macaroni, I’ve found, requires very little stirring. Shells, on the other hand…)
The fucking idiots that need their Coors can to turn blue to tell them if it’s cold or not. Dude! It’s in your hand! Is it cold?
If they enough money through their damn credit card to pay for a dress or a vacation, they a) can afford the vacation anyway, and b) are an excellent argument for raising taxes on the rich.
My choice is in that “Need a moment” commercial, for a candy I forget. They are all fairly stupid, but in this one the guy and his friend are looking over a book on How to Pick Up Hot Babes (sorry, drooling over it) when his girlfriend comes up and asks what they are doing in an icy voice. After his moment he turns and yells at the friend, and then she goes simpering into a “my hero mode.”
Second place is the woman in the same series who is offended when the guy asks her to go to his place, but is all for it when he says that they’ll blog about her causes. (On the Appalachian Trail, no doubt.) Well, now we know the kind of woman who fell for the etchings story.
You know those soap commercials…
Person 1: “oh look at this! Thank you Mom/BFF/Neighbor!”
There’s a line of soaps (and I know they use the same ads on several countries, but perhaps not in the US) where Person 1 is the grown-up daughter of Person 2 and the old soap she’s using is the not-NEW and not-IMPROVED version of the same soap being advertised.
I don’t know whether your mother advising you to throw away a just-opened box of something because the maker changed perfume and coloring makes her dumb, but it does make her a flipping idiot.
There was a local ad for a teacher’s union that made me wanna choke a teacher. Two couples are playing Scrabble and one puts down NEFCU.
“That’s not a word, and you a teacher,” says another player.
“Sure it is!” answers the supposed teacher, “It stands for Nassau Educators Federal Credit Union.”
The other person does not yell, “Like I said, that’s not a fucking WORD! What the hell are you teaching my kids, anyway?” Which is what I do every time I see that commercial.
Nah, there was an earlier version when she’s talking on the phone to her friend about all the awesome desserts she’s eating and losing weight, and he’s pawing through the fridge wondering WTF all those yummy foods are. Then she says, “Babe? What are you doing?” in an obviously annoyed tone to him, like he can’t look through his own fridge or something. The sequel is the one where the guy has apparently discovered the ‘dessert yogurt’ and is saying the same thing to a friend of his on the phone, and she gets a bug up her ass about that. Apparently eating this yogurt makes you act like a dick.
I’ve never even seen this commercial, but the italicized portion nearly made me spew coffee on my laptop. And I’m not even sure why I found this so funny.
mmm
(I don’t know why it’s funny either, but I laughed while I was typing it!)
There’s been a whole series of these going back many years. The grocer was played first by Al Molinaro and then Richard Kind, and all of them are very similarly scripted:
Shopper (shoving box of frozen food into grocer’s face): There’s too much food in this (brand-name) frozen entree!!! I can’t eat all this!!!
Grocer: It’s a 2-pound family size!
Shopper: But I don’t have a family.
Grocer: I do! We’ll be over tomorrow night at 6!
Shopper goes away smiling, now that all his/her problems have been solved by a strange family coming to help eat all that food that he/she now, presumably, is going to buy.
Anybody remember the old Taster’s Choice commercials? I gotcha two dumbasses right there.
Any of good ol’ Miss Cleo’s customers.
There’s an AT&T radio spot playing now…a guy goes for a bike ride, but he’s so worried about missing out on anything, he has to stop at Starbucks to use the wi-fi. He finds out that the only thing he’s missed is an email from his grandmother with some dumb picture attached.
I don’t know about anyone else, but when I go for a bike ride, I don’t take my laptop with me.