Those commercials irritate me because Swiffer products suck ass compared to traditional mops and brooms. Also, because they used “Baby Come Back” by Player, a song I thought had been (correctly) consigned to the ash-heap of history.
The Swiffer mop is SO good that it sucked that song right back out of the ash heap.
The chick who can’t comprehend that “Five dollars for any sub” really means “five dollars for any sub.”
Woman: “What about a tuna sub?”
Sub employee: “Five dollars.”
Woman: “And a roast beef sub?”
Sub employee (smiling): “Five dollars.”
Woman: “What about a veggie sub?”
Sub employee: (laughs) “Still five dollars.”
I’d pay five bucks to see the employee shove a sub, ANY SUB, down her stupid throat.
Just like how the Magna-hat pulls in the Starburst call out. It’s little things like that, that really make or break a commercial.
The customer in the National rental car ads, “The Lord of the Carry-on”, who seems to be imagining he’s a Roman Cesar while walking to his car.
Or maybe it’s the narrator who gives voice to all the pompous bullshit.
Speaking of pancakes. I don’t know if she is stupid…but the way the chick in the Bisquick commercial is singing that pancake song as if she is protesting the Vietnam war makes me think she probably isn’t a genius.
Could she sing that silly jingle with any more angst and breathless anxiety? All those notes and folksy vocal quirks over some blueberry pancakes? She actually says “blueberry paaa-hAAAnn-heh-caaakes-heh”.
Kevin Trudeau.
Anyone in a commercial that espouses the merits of either of the two main political parties wherever you live. Both parties are crap.
Oh dear god, you HAD to remind me! I can’t wait until the elections are over, so I don’t have to see another election ad – well, at least not for a while. Gah! “So and so hates kittens and molests puppies!!! What’s his face eats baby hamsters and hangs the toilet paper the wrong way!”
Yes. Thank you. This commercial has been driving me batshit. Just hearing the first couple of imbeciles making their impaired car noises makes me want to tear my own flesh off with my fingernails; and then the mentally retarded blond woman really sends me up the wall. I always want the mechanic to say, “This? Your ‘Check Engine’ light? The one that has an outline of an engine and the word ‘check’ on it? That one right there? Is that the one you can’t figure out, you feebleminded cooze?” By the time that goddamned dog pops his head into the scene I’m about ready to punch in some launch codes. Idiots.
Thanks. That was cathartic.
Accompanied by an extremely unflattering photo of the opponent, looking bug-eyed and deranged. “Jezebel Smith CLAIMS she’s for controlling spending, but she used her campaign funds to buy a big ugly Coach purse! NOT what we want in Congress!” And the robo-calls, day and night: "Hi, this is Senator Al Goomba, asking for your vote " (click). (maybe not THE stupidest persons in commercials, but fun to mock!)
Uhh…they didn’t do it to demonstrate that you can drink the juice/whatever you just spilled, they did it to demonstrate that the mop was able to both absorb all the liquid from the floor, and release all the liquid when squeezed. They just squeezed it into the glass so it’s easy to see it was the same amount of liquid. They aren’t in any way saying you should do that.
There was one smart mop commercial where they squeezed it back into the glass and said something about “saving money in this economy!”
The stupidest person in a commercial is the housemom whose kids, pets, and husband carelessly and thoughtlessly trash the near-perfect, gleaming house (with the kind of stuff that rarely comes out: mud, spaghetti sauce, grape juice, etc.) and then just smiles, grabs some craptastic spray-and-wipe cleaner, and proceeds to clean up after them with a “shucks-darn” smile on her face.
We beat wholesale ass for such behavior.
I’ve found a new one.
It’s for Domino’s Pizza. There’s a few people sitting in a room, with a caption that says “real Domino’s Pizza focus group”, or something like that. One woman is complaining that they don’t list their ingredients, and don’t want her to know what’s really in their cheese. Then the walls move aside and it turns out that they’re in the middle of a field on a dairy farm! The focus groupers express surprise. Then they go and meet the real cows, who make real milk, that goes into real Domino’s Pizza cheese.
What the fuck? Where did these people think they were? Do they think all market research is done in odd buildings in the middle of pastures? Perhaps they were blindfolded and taken there in the back of a van with blacked-out windows. Maybe they’ve been raised in a carefully constructed artificial environment, Truman Show style, just for that cinéma vérité moment when the scales fall from their eyes and everything they thought they knew about Domino’s Pizza cheese turns out to be wrong. Gosh, look, we’ve been at a dairy farm all along.
A search turns up this page, which includes the ad.
There really should be a warning saying that. There was a recent commercial in which a guy puts on a blindfold, gets on a pogo stick, and hops out into traffic.
SSG (P) Schwartz
The thread that keeps on giving… I got a couple.
The tooth whitening commercials. One where the woman is set up on a blind date and warned not to drink any more coffee until the date so her teeth don’t get any darker. And another woman who won’t get into the annual family photo because her teeth aren’t white enough.
How about keepin’ your fuckin’ mouths shut? I swear, the less you say, the better people will think of you.
So just strap on an erect dildo and tow the tub behind you. People will get it immediately. Really.
What about the idiot doing exercises so that he can drink his brand of pisswater beer rather than the lower calorie pisswater beer? I want to stick one of each in his ears and then deliver an ear clap with a pair of hammers.
I do like the two adorable bimbos eating chicken at the reception desk. The one on the right does a perfect impression of Meg Tilly.
You can’t just mention bimbos eating chicken and not show up with a link.
He probably means this ad.