When I pull up my came-with-the-puter version of Hearts, I play against Stinky, McPooper, and Fred.
Unless I cheat, Fred usually wins. How 'bout you?
Pauline, Michelle, and Ben. We all win about equally.
How does one cheat in Hearts?
Sorry to hijack, but is there any way to get Hearts if it didn’t come with your version of Windows? I got addicted to Hearts on Win 98, but when I upgraded to 2000 I didn’t have Hearts anymore.
I haven’t played that version for quite a while, but I definitely remember thinking it was a savage cheater… once one of the PC players got ahead, the others would tank the game, so I’d always end up losing 15-20-40-105, with me at 20.
How do you cheat at computer hearts?
I used to have them named after my siblings until I realized I was resenting my brother in real life because the seat named after him always beat me. So now they’re generic random names that change every week. One week, I played with Thomas (Eliot), John (Dunne) and Dorothy (Parker); another week, Ari(stotle), Bo(ethius) and Plutarch. I felt sorry for Plutarch because he didn’t have a nickname, but then he kept beating me, so then I just resented him.
Ben’s an asshole.
I don’t like it on computer because I can’t see the stacks of cards building up in front of everyone, so I never know when someone’s shooting the moon. 
Asshole, Dickhead, and Shitbag are my opponents.
Select 3 cards to pass to Dickhead.
Asshole wins!
Goddamn that Fred. Goddamn him straight to hell.
None of them are worth a fig as opponents. So I just Play Weirdly to keep it at all interesting. E.g., my game today:
- Failed shoot, 19 pts.
- Shoot.
- Shoot.
- Played it safe. 0 pts.
- Shoot and a win.
Not exactly tough opponents.
I.e., if they always start the 2nd play with a spade, they’re really, really easy to beat. In Real Life you never play a game that predictably.
I think it comes with Windows 2000 also…it just probably wasn’t one of the selected components during your installation.
Go to Control Panel and double-click “Add / Remove Programs”. From there, select “Add / Remove Windows Components”. It’ll show you the list of Windows Components that can be installed…you just have to find the “Games” component and put a check by it.
I have Windows XP, and to find Games you have to select “Accessories and Utilities” in the list, then click “Details”.
Note: After clicking “Next” to install the component, you might have to put your Windows 2000 CD into the drive so it can find the files.