My wife and I were having one of those pointless conversations the other night and the subject turned to people who annoy us. We decided that it would be fun to turn a water hose on them and imagine the reaction. After further discussion we decided that we could soak one male and one female in the following three catagories…actors/media personalities, musicians/entertainers and politicians. Here are my choices.
Male Actor: Martin Sheen
Female Actor: Oprah
Male Musician: P. Diddy
Female Musician: Barbra Striesand
Male Politician: Bill Clinton
Female Politician: Hillary Clinton
Al Sharpton is really a very good choice. Can you see the hair falling into his face as he sputters in incoherent rage at the affront? Hear his indignant cursing? Watch the fat jiggle as he covers his face with his hands?
Male Actor: Michael DOuglas- I hate him so much! He’s so damn smug! Put an end to that, I would.
Female Actress: Liv Tyler (if you can even call her that.)
Male Musician: Michael Jackson
Female Musician: Jennifer Lopez (for the love of God, if we all stop calling her J.Lo then she’ll have to stop going by it. I hate that more than I hate her, actually.)
Male Politician: Dubya
Female Politician: Tipper Gore
By the way, we ARE soaking them with a hose in the middle of winter…in Alaska, right?
Avril Levigne. She needs to be soaked with water. In Antarctica, in August, outside, no space heater, no friendly penguins to keep her warm.
Whoever is responsible for the atrocity we call non-dairy creamer. He or she gets a hosing, too. As do the inventors of such linguistic manglings as “We should dialogue over incentivizing our team players to touch base more often. Let’s go forward with the meeting–can we calendar that?”
Oh–and Adam Sandler and Pauly Shore. Definitely.
Okay–so I’m not exactly playing by the rules. Sue me.
