I think it’s good to keep things in perspective and not overreact to what’s bothering you. But just because someone else is going through worse shit doesn’t mean you’re not going through shit too.
Say you fall down and, reaching out to stop your fall, you break a finger. Sure, a broken hip would be worse. But you still have a broken finger. It’s ok to get that checked out.
I also for a long time felt like I had no reason to be depressed. I’m healthy, married to a wonderful woman, my kids are healthy, and we have no real financial worries. What right do I have to be sad?! My counselor has helped me accept that I was actually going through some shit, and it was OK to be upset about it.
Anyway, if counseling isn’t right for you, then maybe a social group of some kind would give you the outlet you’re looking for. My brother, who to be fair is going through a lot of serious shit too, joined the Lions Club. It provides him a social support network and opportunities to go out and do good things. Something like that might be a fit for you.
Empathy is far more powerful than sympathy. As unique as all of us are, there’s always someone who can empathize with you because they’ve been in or knows someone in a similar situation that you are. That said, it’s far better to communicate with someone in person, even if it’s over the phone than pursuing advice from an anonymous person on the internet. Please reach out to someone that knows you, can get to know you personally (e.g. church, a club or other organization) or a professional.
I encourage you to continue to follow and post here, especially your successes, as you’re helping someone, somewhere access what going on in their life. Empathy.
Really, you need to ask this question? Set up a counseling appointment with a professional. You may or may not need multiple appointments, but this would be your best start.
Part of me wants to agree completely, but part of me wants to say, “Yeesh! Have we really gotten to the point where we think that feeling sad requires professional attention? Didn’t it used to be normal to have feelings? and to want to talk over those feelings with a regular person, like a friend or family member or drinking buddy? or to turn to music or art or philosophy or religion or puppies or kittens or love or beer or exercise or poetry for consolation?”
Thanks for your input. But I don’t have empathy, it seems to be a flaw of mine. Luckily I believe that I don’t need empathy to still treat people kindly, there’s always a right way to do things.
An example of how others around us can pick up on our emotions and sometimes say just the right thing without being to empathize or fully understanding the situation.
I was working on renovations on a store after one of the partners in the old store I worked at unexpectedly decided to close (he was the face and name of the store). Six of us, including the remaining partner of the old store agreed to renovate an empty location and open a new store. Out of eight adults (two friends of the partner/owner), I was the only one working outside while everyone else was just relaxing inside. I became frustrated and was ready to give up, yelling “NOBODY CARES!”. The 4 year old daughter of the two friends was watching me work and said “I care”. I nearly broke into tears because she said the exact right thing at the exact right time! What did a 4 year old know about renovating a store and the frustration I was feeling? What she did know whether consciously or not was that I needed to hear, “I care.”
I think sunstone and I were both saying he should talk to a professional if his sadness seems to be outside of normal mood variations, which of course we can’t tell from across the internet. I did also suggest a social group as another idea. But beer is a good idea too
Because instead of blaming and criticizing myself for being depressed and wondering why I couldn’t snap out of it, I was able to accept my feelings and then work on managing my reactions to them.
That’s me, though. Like I said, my depression is fairly mild. Your experience may be different. But if you’re concerned enough to ask a bunch of snarky strangers on the internet for advice, it prolly can’t hurt to drop a few bucks to talk to someone who knows what they’re talking about.
Id honestly see a professional. If you don’t have very specific reasons to be sad it’s probably depression. Regular people, even family, that don’t suffer from depression often find it very disconcerting and sometimes frustrating that there is no reason, because they want to fix things.
I think this thread is reaching the point where we’re beginning to circle back upon ourselves, common with threads that ask for advice which is really just opinions. When you don’t have live verbal communication, it’s really easy to reject, question or ignore any post that doesn’t meet your expectations.
I wish the OP all the best and will keep watching this thread, hopefully to find his/her condition has improved. Prayers and best wishes!
Reading your post I got the impression that you just haven’t set aside enough time for yourself. Your identity seems to be wrapped around the family and job. Maybe you could change your schedule just enough to set aside some time to pursue things that only interest you. It can be a hard balancing act when raising a family.
No, I’m not saying the advice and information is bad. Just trying to understand it a little better. I think I’ve refrained from saying “That won’t work” or things like that. It’s more “Why does that work?” or “How does that work”.
Again, I thank everyone for their input.
Also, I’m normally fine. I was kind of sad when I posted this OP and drunk. Just something I’ve wondered about at times when I feel bad.
To summarize: Don’t feel bad about going to a therapist with vague, “minor” worries and sadness. If they really are minor, you’re giving the therapist a simple case they can feel good about solving.
If the OP just wants someone to talk to, they don’t have to “deal with shit”; they just have to listen, and maybe commiserate a bit. But yeah, not everybody has someone in their life who can even do that.
I’m back because this post is cause of genuine concern.
Fist, alcohol is a depressant and intensifies your emotions, especially negative ones.
Second, you’re a sentient being and will have periods of sometimes unexplainable periods of sadness and happiness. It may be physical, mental or spiritual, but there is 0% chance that anyone on any forum can give you a definitive answer.
Third, this one really concerns me. There is no one here or any forum that can answer “Why does that work? or How does that work?”. I reiterate again, there is NO substitute for verbal communication either over the phone or in person. Even if you were unable to speak, you could communicate through sign and body language.
Your questions are like posting “Why does my arm hurt?”. Posters can posit their best guesses, based on their knowledge from education or personal experiences, but only a professional can provide you with a proper diagnosis. Yes, doctors (physical and mental) can give a wrong diagnosis, but they have the knowledge (and access to necessary medication if needed) to properly diagnose what’s causing your pain based on what you tell them (in person) and how you react (in person) to their probing.
I recently visited my doctor and we had a brief discussion about misdiagnosis and malpractice. My doctor said he doesn’t understand why some patients withhold information (such as where it hurts) that could help his diagnosis since everything told to him is strictly confidential. I agreed and said it would be ridiculous for someone to sue him for a bad knee if they never told him it hurt!
Hey thanks, I appreciate your concern, really. You don’t know me and you are still concerned so that makes me feel good. Not for me, but knowing that there are people that are concerned about Internet strangers.
I know alcohol is a depressant. It helps with chest-hurting anxiety
I wasn’t looking for a “definitive answer” just opinions from people.
I could have explained it better in the OP, but basically, I’m usually good with everything. Sometimes I get sad, not because of my life, but just the status of others I know and the rest of the world. I’m better off than literally billions of people, and better off than most of the friends I have with real problems (physical, PTSD, excessive debt, etc). Just wondering if anyone had any ideas about what someone in my position should do, since I’ve been going with “Shut up, you have it great, you have no right to be sad or complain about anything”
More of a “What else can I do”? type question.
But again, and I can’t stress this enough, I’m not trying to be a dick, I’m not disagreeing with all the suggestions, and I appreciate everyone who answered.
