Who the fuck says we can't raise him?

The BBQ Pit
1

Here’s a little background:

My mum is a foster carer, has been for about 14 years now. She has been an excellent substitute mother for every single baby we have looked after. (She deals with 0-3 years) My little brother was a baby we cared for who was abandoned. We saw an opportunity to adopt and give him a loving family which we have done for the past 6 years. More recently we have had another little one running about who I’ll call Little D. We’ve had Little D for 2 years now, since he was a few months old. Since then he has become one of the family. He knows my mother as his mother, my stepfather as his father and me and little bro as his own brothers.
Soooooo…
There is no chance of returning Little D to his mother and he has been up for adoption for over a year now. He has been advertised (Yes, that’s how they do it, like cattle) I think three times at least and not one couple who is eligible has wanted him. So we informed Social Services that we were interested in adopting. And since then they have been beating around the bush until today when they finally told us why we couldn’t adopt him.
Because we are white.
I mean what the fuck. Just because he is a black baby, they believe that he should only go to black parents. OK, so if black parents wanted him that’s fine but he has been turned down plenty of times that he should be given the fucking right to have some permenance in his life. Nope, that’s not good enough. Not only won’t they give us Little D because we aren’t black, but also because there aren’t enough black people living in our town.

Holy Shit, you need to have the right fucking population to adopt now?

We live in the country. No-one lives in this fucking town except old people! And there are plenty of black people, just because you have never even been in this fucking town to see.
Someone tell me I’m wrong. Someone show me where the fuck the logic is in this decision. Where do they get off allowing us to care for him for so long, only to say we have no right to care for him permanently because of skin colour? I hate to think that there are kids without loving parents because of fucking rules like this.
Here’s a one finger salute to Social Services.

2

Call your local newspaper and tell them about this. I used to be a newspaper reporter in the Washington DC area and we would have loved to get our hands on a story like this. Making this story public would be a great way to expose this injustice.

Where do you live, by the way?

Good luck.

3

For some reason I get the feeling you’re in the UK, but I don’t know why…something about the way you write. Oh, I know; you said ‘mum.’

Anyhow, it used to be the case in the US that white families were not allowed to adopt black children. This resulted in a lot of children floating around the foster-care system who could have been adopted. The rules have mostly now changed.

There was an article a couple of weeks back in the San Francisco Chronicle (Sunday edition) about just such a situation; 30 years ago, a white woman wanted to adopt a black 11-yo girl, and was denied. They have just gotten in contact again, after years of separation, and have officially become a family. You can search for this story at your library, which will have database access.

I do think a media contact is a good idea. Make as much noise as you can, and good luck.

4

Really? Wow. I am friends with white couple who not only adopted a black baby, but a crack baby as well (one and the same kid). Poor kid, having to put up with loving and doting parents like that. There should be a law!

5

This reminds me of the movie Losing Isaiah.

Fuck, they say they want us to live in a colorblind society and then this sort of shit happens.

There’s no excuse. None whatsoever.

6

Yeah I am in the UK and unfortunately that is still the way it seems to work. As for alerting the press, I think that may be a little too much too soon. But I tell you we’re gonna fight for him.

7

That is the singlemost dumbest rule I’ve ever heard of. Where do you live?

This precious little boy has a whole family wrapped around his little finger and yet you can’t adopt him because of your RACE? WTF?!?!?!?!?!

They’d rather this poor kid be shuffled through the foster care system his entire life, or until they can find a black family in the “right” community?

Seriously. You need to call your local newspaper. I’d also contact my elected representatives and make as much noise as possible. You might embarass Social Services and they let you adopt him just so you’ll leave them alone.

Now excuse me while I go scream into a pillow. #%*^(#% government!

8

I’m with nyctea scandiaca, make a stink with the press. Maybe you can even encourage more people to become foster mothers with a heartwarming story.

Thanks for explaining the location. It’s not often anymore I get to say “This wouldn’t happen in the US!” But grrrrrr. What a provincial attitude.

Keep us updated, wouldja, tick? And a picture’d be nice. If cooing over small children is allowed in the Pit…

9

Good luck, nocturnal_tick. My SIL adopted two bi-racial babies (they look black, if that matters) and they are the happiest, most loving family…of course, this is the US…

10

I strongly suggest against going to the media, first.

My experience with (usually county) departments of human services have turned up some of the finest humans in existence–and some of the most vile, power-mad twits ever to wield a pen. Regardless whether they are good or bad, however, they are nearly always Civil Service, meaning they are almost impervious to public criticism. Launching public attacks on the department is a good way to get them to make reassuring sounds to the reporters while taking steps to ensure that your mom will not only not adopt the child, but will be barred from ever fostering another child.

An example: the case in Cuyahoga County, OH a few years back that was quite similar to yours. The HS department decided to refuse to let a white couple adopt the black child they had fostered, even though the couple offered to take in that child’s younger brother to help re-unite the family. When the couple took the case to the media, the HS department ran out and found a black family to adopt both kids (after having failed to find any black families to adopt them, earlier). The thing dragged through the media (and the courts) until someone dug up a 30-year-old felony conviction on the potential black father, forcing the HS department to rule him out as a parent and grudgingly giving the kids to the original white couple. (I always figured the black couple got screwed by the deal, as well, since the felony committed as a teen was of a sort that the guy was unlikely to repeat as a midlle-aged man, but everything about the case was nasty.)

(Another example of power-mad administrators was the young single woman in upstate New York who had here child removed for “abuse” when she called to ask a question about her feelings while breastfeeding. Despite tons of publicity, the opinions of several psychologists against the HS department, and a couple of court rulings, the HS department continued to keep the child away from her mother for years.)

Having gotten the horror tales out of the way, I would suggest marshalling as much information as you can regarding the psychological issues on inter-racial adoptions, with all the evcidence you can muster to demonstrate that your family can handle it. (Testimony by an HS department shrink will be good for your case.) Then go slowly up the chain of command within the HS department, appealing the decision until you find where it was made.

If you are in Trumbull County, OH, God help you. However, a strong but gentle effort to get the decision reversed will, I suspect, have a better chance of success.

Is there a black social group in your area pushing to prevent inter-racial adoptions? Find a black group that advocates getting parents for black kids regardless of the race of the parents.

Is there someone on the staff who has decided that inter-racial adoptions are harmful? Find the experts who disagree and see if you can present that to the person and their boss.

On preview, I see that you are in the UK, not the US. I suspect, however, that bureaucrats are bureaucrats the world over and (having typed this up and having no desire to delete it) I still advise against a media approach.

11

I used to work for Buckinghamshire County Council and did a lot of work for Social Services.

Who exactly is objecting?

Your first stop should be the Citizens Advice Bureau. Your second stop should be your local County or District Councillor.

Remember the story of a Hindu man asking Mahatma Ghandi for penance for killing a Moslem family: Ghandi said that he should adopt a Moslem ophan… and raise him as a Moslem.

12

I’m afraid you’re going to have to elaborate on this story. Who did the what to the where, now?

13

Around 11-13 years ago, (and multiple Google attempts turned up too many false hits for me to provide a link), a young single mother in upstate New York called her local HS department with a question about breastfeeding, confused that she occasionally experienced some erogenous responses. The HS department decided that “something was wrong,” and came out and removed the child for suspicion of abuse. They held onto the child even after being ordered by the court to return her to the mother.
I do not remember the specific county and (after all this time) do not recall details of the case. It was in the news every once in a while just at the time that we were adopting, so it caught my eye (although my county’s HS department was a pretty well run place).

Hmmm. The LaLeche League has a smidgen on the event that distances the League from making any accusations against the HS department. Since it was not local to me, there might have been more to the story, but what was reported over the wire services clearly had the HS department defying court orders after the judge had ruled against them on their own evidence while the child was eventually reunited with the mother.
http://www.lalecheleague.org/Law/BAFeb01.html (About 1/3 of the way down.)

14

We’re not exactly sure, well at least I’m not exactly sure. We have expressed our desire to adopt for a while now and a decision has even been made as to whether we will be allowed to go to panel. Basically there has been a lot of pussy footing around waiting until a couple came forward, which it appears may be the case. They sound like a good enough couple, wanting children for some time. But it’s the fact that they are being put to panel any time now, and we still haven’t got off the drawing boards.

It just feels so wrong that if we go against this couple, even with the emotional attachment that we have with Little D, they are most likely to win because of skin colour.

15

If you were in the US I’d suggest a short call to one of your local county commissioners followed by a $250 campaign donation. Then see what happens. Sometimes the glare of media can motivate functionaries but more often the threat of job loss or career stagnation does better.

But I don’t know how it works in the UK.

16

To a large extent you can blame a single organization, the National Association of Black Social Workers, for this (attitude or policy that you can’t adopt black babies if you’re white). Google them (or their acronym NABSW) along with “adopt”. They wrote a well-circulated policy statement that such adoptiong constitute “cultural genocide”, because economic and political forces are to blame for so many parentless black children and to place them in white families would mean they would be deprived of being raised in their own culture, ergo cultural genocide.

17

It’s been about 15 years since this happened, but my then-husband and I were approved by the then-Welfare people to adopt a special-needs child.

They expressly stated, no way around it, that we would NOT be allowed to adopt a child of a different race. It was their policy.

Go figure. Maybe it’s changed since then, but I bet not.

I hope it works out for your family. Any chance that you might just keep him as a foster child until he’s of age? My friend did that with one or two of her foster kids…raised them as her own, but didn’t adopt them.

Best,
karol

18

In the US, it could be even worse. The federal government officially recognizes race as an attribute of human beings.

19

In the U.S. the Multiethnic Placement Act of 1994 prohibits the use of a child’s or a prospective parent’s race, color, or national origin to delay or deny the child’s placement. Had this law been in place at the time you were adopting, bodypoet, you could not have been denied on the basis of race. nocturnal_tick, it might be worth doing some research to see if any organization is fighting for similar legislation in the U.K. Good luck to you.

20

We would do that but Social Services are working full out just to find him a black family. If they find one, they will take him regardless. And that’s another thing that bugs me, that we could end up fostering him until he comes of age and yet we can’t adopt.

That is one of the reasons they keep spouting as to why we can’t adopt. Are there any black dopers out there that can help me out with this idea. Are they saying that black culture is entirely different from white culture or that he will be treated like a white kid and suffer from this socially or what? Someone help me understand? We are supposed to live in a world now where colour should have no significance as to how we are treated. We would not stop him from choosing his own culture and exploring that which he wants to explore.

Will look into that.