Yup, me too. Been single too long, and the one time I was married was enough. I have grown to like coming home to my own 4 walls. That’s not to say I’m not looking for a long-term relationship with a lady who will let me love her and be nice to me in return. It would just have to be with the provision that marriage isn’t an option.
Q
Probably me, too, at the rate I’m going. Haven’t been in a relationship in a verrry long time, and that one ended such that I wasn’t eager to repeat the experience. Since then, I’ve gotten very comfortable as a solitudinarian; and would find a relationship to be extremely disruptive to my serenity. A potentially worthwhile disruption, perhaps; but a disruption nevertheless.
Still, if the Universe wishes to deposit such a disruption in my lap, I’m willing to give her a fair shake, but I’m not likely to be out looking for one anytime soon. Life’s too peaceful and uncomplicated; and, like others have noted, I’m free to be me.
Still, I have at times toyed with the idea that I can’t be the only one out there that feels this way. Organizing some sort of anti-social get-together has crossed my mind more than once. After all, knowing you’ll be alone because you choose to be is one thing; believing you’ll be alone because you’ve no other choice isn’t something I’d wish on anyone.
I do not really know. I occasionally meet some some fun person when I least expect it. I like being just me right now, and could be that way always. But it is also possible that some spontaneous combustion could occur. If this ever happens, I will let the world know. 
I gave up on dating when I was in college - now 40. Never gave up on hoping, but I’m a realist and no that it ain’t gonna happen. When you work two jobs, one a graveyard shift where there are no single people around you, and the other a teaching position wth LOTS of single people, all of whom are 18-22 years old - well, there just isn’t much of a chance to MEET anyone.
And I can’t believe I typed ‘no’ instead of ‘know’. God, I wish this board had the ‘edit’ feature!
So what do you do for vacations? I meet a lot of people during holiday.
Wasn’t really sure I’d ever find a thread on this board that would spark personal gut-spilling, but here goes, I guess.
If you’d asked me six months ago I would have said yes.
If you’d told me when I was 17 that I’d still be a virgin when I turned 31, I would have been terribly upset. Unhappy enough to do something drastic, like a)kill myself or more likely b)sleep with the first guy who would have had me, just to get it over with and done. I’m glad there was no way I could have known, and I’m glad that I didn’t, as it would have been far more damaging than remaining celibate had been. I wasn’t ready for sex at 17, and by the time I was mature enough, the opportunities simply weren’t there for many reasons, most of which have already been mentioned by others here; self esteem issues, shyness, etc.
It has been a quiet, uncomplicated single life. I never really intended it to be that way, it was just How Things Turned Out. A couple of short, minor romances that didn’t lead anywhere, and probably shouldn’t have. They never felt right, and I was happy enough alone. I never totally scoffed at the idea of settling down and getting married, but the concept was gathering dust on the shelf 'cause you do tend to need another person for that kind of thing.
In February, he practically fell in my lap. I was taking a course in computer graphics at the local community college, and he was working with us on a project as a liaison from another department.
He walked in, our eyes met, it was love at firs…no, that’s not how it happened. What happened was, in class I had time to get to know him a bit, and liked what I gathered. In late April a classmate and mutual friend sent him a blush-inducing email after I reluctantly (read: kicking and screaming) gave the go-ahead for a setup. After a few dates, we had the revelation that we were bothing wondering the same thing: What the heck does this great person see in a loser like me, anyway?
Come to find he had a similar resignation to a lack of social life as I had. He’s 40, shy, nerdy, awkward; a few relationships, a couple physical, but like mine, they’d never felt right. This, he says, feels right. And I agree. We’re still two lonely, socially inept, self-absorbed geeks trying to fumble our way through this relationship stuff, but for the moment, we’re fumbling together.
It ain’t magic, it’s just How Life is Turning Out. He ain’t perfect. Neither am I. But it’s slowly dawning on me that marriage isn’t necessarily an abstract concept anymore. I think he may already be making up his mind, which frightens me a bit. It’s early yet, and it’s going to be a great deal of effort to make this thing work. For the first time, though, I’m with someone who I feel is worth that kind of effort.
I’m not writing all this up to try to change the minds of all of those folks who know they’re going to stay single. And I’m not going to be a cheerleader for the rest and say “See? Don’t worry, the right person’ll come along!” because that isn’t necessarily true. There was a good deal of dumb luck involved in this one. (Having a nosy friend helped too.) I guess I’m just trying to say, I’m having a ball right now, but I’m aware of the upcoming lows as well. If we’d never met, we’d both still be rolling along just fine being single. And there was never anything wrong with that.
And for those of you who read this whole thing and might be wondering, yes, we have, 31 years was long enough; and it was sweet, and wonderful, but, that’s for a different thread.
Yikes, I think I’m the female version of Bosda.
No offense intended.
Short. To the point. And damn eloquent.
And that’s how it’s been.
Eve, I certainly don’t begrudge you your singleness. My only point was that I, too, believed I was just gonna stick it out bein’ single, simply because I was not willing to compromise. If I couldn’t have the perfect woman, then I would have no woman, period.
…and damned if it didn’t … just… happen.
My wife tells a similar story, for that matter. She’d just gone through three affairs, back to back, none of which had worked out, and she was, in her words, “gonna take a year off, not even TALK to any men, and reevaluate my life.”
…and then, Bubbles set us up together. Meddling? Sure. And if it hadn’t worked out, or it had been another one like the crazy woman I took to the New Year’s party, I’d never have let Bubbles hear the end of it.
…but it worked. Lows? Sure. Don’t think I’ve ever heard of a marriage that didn’t have its ups and downs. But we’re still together, and likely to stay that way.
Pardon me if I sound a little optimistic, here. I mean, I never expected it to work out so nicely, based on my previous history…
…and before I met my wife, I sounded a LOT like some of the people I’m hearing, right here…
It was weird. When I was 8, I didn’t even really know what a relationship was. I was a bed-wetter. I don’t mean that as some kind of metaphor. I peed.
One of the thoughts that came to be back then (I may have been 8, I may have been 10, I don’t really know), was, “what if I still wet the bed when I get married”? But what sort of calmed the scary question was my answer. “Don’t worry about it…you’re not going to marry.”
And I don’t know how I knew. I’m now 33 and have had very few real relationships. I’ve had my share of trysts, but not so many long-term relationships. It’s not that I fear commitment or refuse to love or despise women or that I’m painfully shy or anything else. I’m just…well…I guess really hard to love.
I’m an acquired taste. Really dry, oddball sense of humour. While incredibly outgoing, not especially likely to approach a girl at the bar, grocery store, or anywhere else. The first few minutes with me can probably be actaually kind of painful. I have a new friend (female) who I absolutely adore that I get along with incredibly well now (3 weeks into the friendship). However, she’s already said that her first thought of me was, “wow, this guy trys way too hard”. That was until she realized that’s just really how I am. It doesn’t help that I am also very picky.
So, I guess I’ve always known I’d remain single. I’m not sure how I knew - I just knew. I still hold faint hope that I’ll find someone who I suit and who suits me. Though I remain primarily as convinced as ever that it is highly unlikely.
I’m ok with it, I think. Seeing others with “that someone” continues to make me jealous. I do wish I had that. But I suspect that I never will, and if anything, I suppose I’ve just resigned myself to that. “So be it,” I say.
Count me in as another Eve-ite.
My friends (who are all coupled up - every last one of them!) keep insisting that someone is just around the corner.
Some of us just know.
As a free-thinking individual who gave up Catholicism roughly 16 years ago, the idea of a lifelong committed relationship to one person for the rest of my life scares the everlovin’ crap out of me.
Guys, this is America. Our traditions don’t require “the family”. The massive corporations we work for don’t need our children to carry on the business (and they’re just as likely to work for its competitors anyway). NOBODY gives a damn about carrying on some stupid family name. The only compelling reason for anyone to get married is the tax benefit (and after Clinton’s tweaking of the tax code, even this is questionable).
Commitment…man, if that isn’t the most overrated thing ever. Wasn’t there an entire movement in the 60’s that tried to convince us that it didn’t have to be this way? If you want to break it off later on, or even get invovled with more than one person at once, hey, variety’s the spice of life.
Why do we even need a term like “polyamory”? Wow, a $20 word for “don’t buy into that righteousness and purity of lifelong commitment garbage”. Sure, I believe in polyamory. I also believe in homosexuality, sodomy (what the hell does this mean again?), and every fetish imaginable. I don’t practice those things, but I’m not about to condemn anyone that does. These people obviously like to have choices open. So do I. Why should anyone have a beef?
Of all the family members in my generation (all of whom grew up in stable, caring, financially secure families), exactly one, one of my super-religious cousins, has exchanged the vows. Not even my OTHER super-religious cousin has done this. My 26-year-old sister has already had three boyfriends, and that’s just the ones she’s told me about. None of us find this the slightest bit unusual. We’d like to keep our choices open. And if that means being lonely, well, that still beats the hell out of a lifelong commitment to someone we don’t WANT to be with for a lifetime. Really, what’s wrong with that?
33, female, haven’t been in a serious relationship for six or seven years. Partially I think I’ve just missed my chance to find a good one before he found someone else (as I’m not interested in men significantly younger than me), but frankly I don’t even think I would even have the time anymore to get seriously involved. Well and good if someone comes along that makes me want to sacrifice what precious free time I have, but I’m not holding my breath, and I’m not missing him.
Oh, and one more thing:
Not for all of us, it isn’t.
I’ve always had an inner certainty that I will stay single in the long-term. It was almost like I had a glimpse of my future self, alone and happy about it. I always enjoyed being single - I had time for my friends, time to write, I could focus on my daughter, I never had to try to be what anyone else wanted me to be.
I did have a very serious relationship in the past year. It seemed like this was going to be ‘the one,’ this was going to last. But it hasn’t, and frankly I wish it had never happened.
The problem now is that there just aren’t that many people out there who would fit me. I’m a lesbian and I’m a single parent. There aren’t very many lesbians who could handle being with a single parent - say 5%. Now, the kind of woman that I fall for is usually career-minded, intelligent, slightly cynical - the kind of person I would have been if I hadn’t happened to have had a child. Those are not the kind of women who could handle being with a single parent. So what I like and who would like me cancels each other out.
That means that I’ll probably be single till I’m 40, when my daughter’s 18. It is kinda depressing to think of being single through all the years when other people date the most. But all the same, I find that now I’m not in that relationship any more, I’m more ‘me’, I’m more confident, and apart from the misery at the break-up, I am happier.
That’s the point, I think. Some people blossom in relationships, some blossom when they’re single. I think I’m the second kind.
Being in love is great. But it isn’t me.
Never give up.
In 1999, I would have said the same. Me? Married? Yes, please (to the right girl of course), but fat chance. I was 42, single, never a ‘steady’ that lasted longer than a few months.
Then I met her. And we hit it off straight-away. Been together for over four years, married for almost three and a half. And extremely happy. 
You never know, do you?
Me as well.
At 51, with 2 failed relationships and 4 kids, things don’t look to promising for further relationships. Having a 10yr old with a disability and being plain and overweight are pretty insurmountable obstacles where I live. A friend rather bluntly informed me that I might as well resign myself to the single life, as no bloke my age would be likely to take on a young kid. Still there are other things in life, study, friends… but it does get lonely in the evenings.
My Dad never remarried or had another relationship after my mother died when he was 57, I used to wonder how he handled living the next 20yrs alone. I have a bad feeling I am going to find out 
Most likely. Haven’t given up but also haven’t actively been pursuing one either. My last relationship turned out pretty bad, she ended up being a lying thief and has made me a little more picky in who I get involved with. Maybe someday a relationship would be nice, but right now I am fairly content being single.
I really do think I’ll be single the rest of my life. I’m just not the realationship type. I just can’t make it work. So I had to dump my boyfriend yesterday. Time to get drunk I think…
Damn typos! That would be RELATIONSHIP
Having been out of a relationship for three years–divorced after being married for two years to the only serious girlfriend I’ve ever had–and having had only five mediocre dates since (the last one last night…I’m fairly sure that’s going to be one-and-done): this thread is making me seriously depressed. Really. (Especially you posters who are in their early 20’s. You can’t be serious, now, can you?)
What troubles me even more, I guess, is that in my case I don’t say to myself (not any more at least) that there’s no one out there. Why, just in this thread alone, someone’s posted that I’ve had a crush on from afar for years. But, I am afraid, never us twain shall meet. One’s lifetime is of a limited duration. Had we all hundreds of years to look forward to, yes, perhaps we may all, but…