I’m so shy with women that I literally can’t even dream about them. Monsters, gangsters, packs of wild dogs? No problem. Women? I wake up in a cold sweat, half paralyzed with fear.
The only way I’ll get married is if they come up with a pill that makes a person gay, and then gay marriages are legalized.
I plan never to marry, and am perfectly happy with that.
I wasn’t sure, beginning to read this thread, if I was going to be single the rest of my life. But if Wang-Ka is already taken… (runs away sobbing).
Seriously, I don’t care if I get married or not. I can’t see a real reason for it, except the taxes and the insurance and all that. However, I’m twenty-three, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be celibate for the rest of my life. So if you define single as not getting married, I’m down with that. But I hope to have a boyfriend or a few boyfriends or at the very least some casual sex before I die.
Another cynical 40-year-old checking in. I strongly doubt that there is anyone out there for me.
Yes, I’ve been rebuilding my life after a disastrous decade of the 1990s, but I have no faith in a romantic future. I don’t have the looks to attract anyone locally, and I don’t have the resources to support a search for a bride overseas.
I’m in Dragon Phoenix’s situation, without the happy ending.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
In 1988, after years of failure with women, Mr. S had withdrawn himself from the dating pool at age 32 and resigned himself to the single life.
I was 21, had been on a few miserable “dates,” and as always never really thought I’d find anyone who would let me be me, quirks and all. Never pictured myself married.
We met.
We will observe our 13th wedding anniversary this month.
That said, I completely honor the viewpoint of Eve and company. As a person who KNOWS she doesn’t want children, I can understand KNOWING that you will remain single and getting cranked by people who try to tell you otherwise.
Alright, will you “never give up hope, He/She will come along when you least expect it” people Shut. The. Hell. Up!
I’m sure you don’t mean to come off as pompous and condescending, but guess what? You are. It’s no different than coming into a thread full of people talking about why they are atheists and saying, “Oh, that’s just because you haven’t yet Found the Truth that is Jesus.”
Yes, it’s possible that one or two people on this thread will someday get into a relationship and/or get married. But a lot of us never will, and we know it. Jesus, I couldn’t even get married if I wanted to, it’s not even legal in most states! If I found a man who didn’t run for the hills when he found out about me, which also ain’t ever going to happen.
So please keep your well-meant gurglings to yourself, OK?
P.S. Not you, Scarlett, you’ve already pre-apologized and seem to understand the inappropriateness of such comments . . .
Yeah, the chances of me being in a relationship are slim to non-existent.
Yes, I’ve rationalised it. Yes, I like myself, I’ve always walked alone, I’m comfortable inside my own skin and in being alone in this room, in the silence broken only by the hum of the computer.
But it hurts. I’m doubly-damned, because I not only know, logically, that I will always be alone, and will leave this existence alone, but I’m also a romantic, and I pine for what might have been. Tonight seems particularly bad for that, and bein’ up at 2.30 am, in th’ dead of the night, ain’t helping.
So, my life will be scribbled over with periods where I’ll have crushes and feelings, but nothing will come of them, except a little more heartbreak and memories to torment my mind.
Ah, well. In the morning, stuff I have to do in my life will help me forget, for a while. There’s some solace in that.
Of the three men I’ve loved in the past 20 years, two are dead and one (my husband) is in a nursing home for the rest of his life. I suspect that it’s safer for the local male population if I remain single.
That said, I had hoped to spend my life with someone, but at 43 years old I no longer consider that realistic. It’s been twelve years since I shared my life with anyone other than the kid and I’m pretty used to it now. My best friend and I are now making plans to be the crazy old ladies down the street.
I’m sorry, Eve, if I’ve caused any trouble. I guess where you are an atheist, I am an agnostic.
27, female, not sure. I like the idea of having children. I like the idea of having a life-partner in the abstract, if it could be somebody who wants to live his life the same way I do, but most guys – at least the ones who live around here – don’t, and my track record with relationships is miserable. It’s gotten to the point where my first reaction to the slightest sign of male attention is “Oh no, here we go again.” (Luckily this doesn’t happen all that often, as I am quite ordinary-looking and fairly shy.)
It would be nice if somebody I actually wanted to put up with wanted to put up with me, but I’m starting to think that the odds are against it.
I don’t think I was ever born to be married (and I was, perhaps that is why I am divorced) I have 5 children and they keep me busy all the time. I don’t have time to date and look for meanigful relationships. So I guess since I don;t have the time it will never happen.
Oh I like this thread! It is good to read of other people who insist that, no matter what else, one just likes time alone within one’s own four walls. (And thanks be to all the gods, I think even my mother has given up nagging me to breed grandkids for her, as I am now 42!)
It would be pretty much of a shock to me even to adjsut to eating at normal times. And if I can’t sleep and choose to play on the net at 3 am, well, there’s none can say me nay. And so on… you all know what I mean, I think, so I suddenly realise this is a silly post I am making. oops!
I’m a single (divorced) woman of 47, and I know that I will never marry or live with someone again. Been there, done that, know I’m not suited to it. I LIKE living alone; no, more, I NEED to live alone.
That being said, it would be nice if I could find someone who wanted to have a passionately loving relationship about once a week, with emails and/or phone calls in between. One thing I’ve achieved in my 47 years is a resolution NEVER again to be involved in a relationship that is more important to me than it is to him. Unfortunately, there are very few hims out there who seem to view their relationships as being of central importance to their lives, or if there are, they’re not interested in me.
Fortunately, I like my single life just fine. If I find someone to date, fine. But if I don’t, that’s also fine. I like my life, far too well to turn it upside down for anything less than REALLY GOOD. YMMV.
The problem is, I also come with baggage-I’m obsessive compulsive and prone to depression. I’m afraid that doesn’t make me a very good candidate. I can control it, but I’d have to find someone who is strong-someone who doesn’t have a lot of baggage himself. But would that be fair, to saddle him with that? I mean, I’m a strong person, but sometimes, I can be annoying.
Maybe we need a Dopers’ Lonely Hearts Club, or whatever you call it.
I think that I will be alone. I don’t want to be but it just seems to be the way it was meant to be. I am 34, I have 2 beautiful children and every relationship that I have ever had has ended badly. When I was young and thin and beautiful I ALWAYS picked the wrong guy. Now, I am not as young, nowhere close to thin and men don’t spare me a 2nd glance even though I have a much better idea of what I want… Oh well, C’est la vie.
I’ll jump in on the pity party here…I’m 42 and don’t see any wife in my future.
In my past relationships, I never gave the woman enough attention. I’m more of a loner. I didn’t call enough, we didn’t do enough stuff together, whatever. She always wound up dropping me for somebody who’d give her more attention. Say La Vee.
About half my friends who’ve gotten married got divorced, on par with the national average. Why become another statistic? Then I see the ones who stayed married, got kids and seem to lead really fulfilled lives. Instead of going to clubs and bars, we host cookouts. Everybody’s gone by 10.
I’ll just sit back for the rest of my life with a beer in my hand and mah dawg at mah feet.
I’m a 50 SWM, no kids, recently divorced after 17 yrs. I recently read Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Mastery of Love. It has helped me in the sense that his position is that we don’t need anyone to be happy or find love. That happiness and love is within us and that we have to tap into it. That someone else cannot be responsible for our happiness for feeling loved. In those situations, it is not love but something else.
Whether or not it is true, I still recommend the book. It has given me a glimmer of hope. Something to stave off the fears of living my life alone. During moments of feeling despondent I think about his words and it makes me rethink things in a positive way and be grateful for what I do have.
I don’t believe in romantic long-term marriages. I think what counts in the long run is respect and acceptance of your spouse, faults and all. Of course, the key is discerning exactly who is your spouse before you marry them so that there are as few surprises afterwards as possible. This is where people get into trouble. You actually want a cat when in fact you end up with a dog. And gals looking for their knights in shining armour, IMHO, really set themselves up for a fall.
Someone once suggested to me being married but living in two different houses. Anyone every try that?
I’m a 26 year old female and I’ve known since I was 12 that it’s very unlikely that I’ll ever marry. Furthermore, I’m starting to think I will never have a serious relationship or fall in love, either.
The few guys who have been interested have been jerks of the highest order. I’m happy being single; I don’t feel the need to be with a jerk just so I can say I’m in a relationship. I like my alone time.
That said, I would really like to have a companion to go through life with, to love someone who loved me, and children. I would like a family. I just doubt that any man I would want to marry would be interested in me.
I do find this situation somewhat puzzling. Women are always stunned to hear that I have a problem getting dates. I’m certainly not perfect, but I’ve got a lot of great qualities. Men, however, seem to see me as being sexless.
And, like Guin, I have mental health baggage. I was recently hospitalized for depression. Even though I’m getting treatment that works, and I feel great, I am afraid that no man would want to marry (let alone date) a woman who took her first trip to the nuthouse at age 25.
So, when I look at the equation:
solitary + attracts only jerks + picky + baggage = probably not gonna happen
That’s okay, though. I have a friend who doesn’t want to marry or have kids, and she and I have a plan to be crazy cat ladies together. I just acquired my first 2 cats a few weeks ago, so I suppose I’m pretty well resigned.
At the age of 35 I was absolutely, positively, and utterly convinced that I would remain single for the rest of my life. I had never had a serious, long-term relationship in my life, and the prospects of ever having one seemed somewhere between slim and none. For the heck of it, I tried some of those on-line dating sites, which just confirmed my low opinion of myself when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex.
And then came the fateful day when one of my co-workers asked me if I would be interested in meeting a friend of his. 10 months later (almost to the day) I ended up getting married to the most beautiful, wonderful, intelligent woman in the whole world. I still can’t figure out what she sees in me, but I’m not complaining!
To be honest, I always loathed blind dates and being set up with friends of friends, and I’m not sure why I agreed in this case. But I will admit that going on a date is a LOT easier when you come “highly recommended” by a mutual friend. My wife and I have frequently joked about the fact that had we met at a club or in the supermarket, she never would have given me the time of day, but the fact that her friend recommended me convinced her to stick with it long enough to get to know me.
I realize this won’t work for everyone, but I really encourage people who are interested to ask your friends to set you up with their friends.
Barry