I married at 22, divorced at 23 and have had two significant relationships since then. I’m 33 and the last real bf was over 5 years ago.
I have no aversion to committment, or even marriage as an institution. I’m a single parent, beyond voluptuous, an uneducated blue-collar worker and there just doesn’t seem to be a large market. I grew up assuming like most folks that I’d pair up in adulthood, it’s only been the last few years that I’ve realized that I’ll probably be single forever. When it dawned on me, I spent a year worrying about it, accepting social invitations left and right, acting like a goofy teenager trying to get asked to the prom, then I had to laugh at myself and just give it up.
Never intended it like this, but neither am I interested in becoming someone I’m not and actively doing the dating scene thing. I wasn’t good at it in my youth, I haven’t gotten any better at it either.
I’d rather be happily alone than unhappily coupled, and I’m not bragging or trying to make singledom sound better than it is. Too many people would rather be miserable than alone and that’s so very sad.
I’m more of the ‘I want a man in my life, but not necessarily my house’ persuasion. The unwanted celibacy is more distressing to me than not utilizing the +1 on invitations.
Add me to the list. As a 42 year old gay man who doesn’t fit the “perfect cute gym-boy” image, I’ve pretty much given up. It’s become clear to me that I’m one of the people in this life who’s simply meant to be without anyone long term.
I’ve accepted this. I’ve built a very nice life for myself as a single person. I have a nice house, a good job, plenty of good friends and one hell of a nice motorcycle. I have no wife or kids to tie me down and wreck my life like I hear so many married hets complain about.
Yup - “Single 'til I Died” will be engraved upon my urn.
Eve, I don’t quite understand your ire towards the “love will find a way” posts. Certainly we get inundated with the message that everyone eventually finds The One, weds, and makes 2.5 kids, and it gets old after a while. But a lot of people who are convinced that they will spend their lives unhappily alone may need to see some rays of hope. If you know you’re going to be single and you’re at peace with knowledge, then what is it that bugs you so much about posts like PiscesPrincess?
I’m not trying to start a argument, sweartoGod.
Could be.
I’m not determined to remain single or anything, but it doesn’t bother me a whole lot and I haven’t put much effort into changing my relationship status in a long time…I learned my lesson years ago.
I sometimes regret not having more fun while in college (I just graduated), but my academic work was more important to me and my health was bad. Still is. That’s part of the problem.
People feel sorry for you if you have a brain tumor, but the thought rarely fills them with desire. I have occasionally thought I should have tried for pity sex, but it’s probably just as well I did not. And honestly, my life has left me with a low tolerance for other people’s petty whining, which is something many people expect their SO to put up with. After what felt like centuries of my last girlfriend’s griping about her mother (She smoked! And drank too much Pepsi! What a bitch!) I finally had to say, “You know, you let these little things bother you too much. Just deal with it, it’s not like it’s going to kill you.”
She never forgave me for that one. I sure am glad I broke up with her. There are things worse than dying single.
The “better to be happily uncoupled than miserable and coupled” thing reminds me of a friend I have. She got married to this guy she’s not in the least sexually attracted to, and doesn’t even like all that much, just for the sake of getting married. She doesn’t want kids but groans that she’s gonna have to have them within the next three years or else he’ll leave her. Being married and having a house is that important to her.
Now, I desperately want children and hope with all of my heart that I’ll meet someone, fall in love and get married, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to “settle” like that. What’s the point, when Im gonna end up divorced in a couple of years anyway and back to square one?
They say people’s #1 fear is public speaking. I actually think it’s being single.
*If I’m lying to myself about being in love with the guy and am marrying him for the sake of being married, chances are really good that the marriage won’t last.
Hi. Newbie here. Finalizing divorce. Looking forward to living all on my little own for quite a while.
Oops wrong thread! :o
I think I might be single forever. I’m 18 - make that almost 19 - and the only guy who’s asked me out in the last month is a sketchy Gulf War vet on the train :eek: Guys my age are supposed to be all sexually eager, and, well, I think I’m cute and I have a nice body. So I don’t know why it’s not happening, but it isn’t The thing, my life is quite nice in every other respect. I don’t feel, as Trancer does, that I have the worst luck imaginable. It’s just that these are supposed to be my “peak” years, and I’m not getting any.
Maybe you’re just surrounded by assholes.
Will there be a band?
Sorry, stupid song stuck in my head.
What about Death and Taxes?
Yes, I’m being a smartass. On the other hand, I’m not talking about magical people falling into my lap.
Sounds like my life, with a few details changed.
I’ve thought about the possibility, but I’m not sure I’m too concerned.
I have a son (single father), buying a house, got a decent job I’m good at, have friends – really, I feel pretty fulfilled and haven’t spent much time feeling glum and pining for someone so why work myself up over not having a “someone” right now? Don’t get me wrong, if I was to meet someone that’d be just peachy as well but either way it’s nothing I’m worried about. Que sera sera.
I say we should all just hook up with each other.
I’ll apologize straight out if this bugs anyone, but I just don’t get people being upset because they are single.
I’m 29, haven’t been in a serious relationship in 8 years, and I don’t care. I’m all about making myself happy and doing what I feel like I’m supposed to be doing - for me, that’s volunteering at a several organizations, going to school and working hard at grad school, along with working.
I doubt that I’ll ever marry, mainly because I value my solitude too much. I like coming home to a place that’s mine (even though I currently rent, so it’s not really mine…no matter).
I do what makes me happy. Who cares if I’m dating someone or not? I have a hard time dealing with people who somehow feel that you’re incomplete if you’re not dating someone. So, I mostly ignore them and go do my own thing some more. 
Happily divorced. Blissfully, in fact. And I married late, at 31, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know better. I’m not dissing marriage or men. There are great ones out there but not for me. Not all marriages are nightmares, but mine was and that’s a fact. Getting free of it was like escaping from a POW camp that didn’t recognize the Geneva Convention.
I’m financially stable, have a good job that I enjoy (most of the time) and look and feel better than I have for ages. I’m never lonely. I actually enjoy life again; savour it, in fact. There’s no way in hell I will ever–EVER–toss away my hardwon happiness for mere romance.
I have nothing against dating in theory but even that’s too much hassle in actual practice. The burden of expectations, explanations, etc. swamp the actual enjoyment of companionship. This may sound sterile and empty to some and that’s fine. Different strokes.
I’m finally safe, at peace and happy.
Veb
/raises hand
I’m super shy, fairly average looking, and horribly awkward around people I don’t know.
Going out to bars and trying to pretend I’m having fun while attempting to impress drunk people is my idea of Hell. After about half an hour I’d just get sick of everyone and go into a corner somewhere and start reading a book. Only thing that could be worse would be a club, because then I’d have to dance along with all the other things.
Add to that the fact that there’s slim to no chance that I’ll meet girls at the classes I’m taking at community college, and that I don’t have all that many friends who could/would hook me up, and I’m looking at a pretty small chance of me getting together with someone.
Been alone for most of my 21 years so far, don’t really expect that to change…
Yeah, but there’s no guarantee of that either…
Actually, only death is inevitable, huh? Under this administration, anyway, if you’re filthy rich. (This concludes the flamebait section of this post.)
Well, a couple of things cheese me off about comments like that. First ioff, I am not miserable and keening into the night—I am perfectly happy being single and have a pretty terrific life.
I resent being told I am single because “the right man has not yet come along.”
But most of all I resent being told I am single “because I don’t love myself enoguh.” Some of us love ourselves so much that we don’t fear being alone, and don’t throw ourselves away on the first schmoe who asks!