Who wants gold, silver, or parts of Canada?

As some of you may recall; a couple years ago Canada legalized gay marriage. I was assured that this would cause God to eradicate them pesky Canadians from the Earth, practically instantly.

I haven’t checked, but it’s been two years, so it must have happened by now. Therefore, I claim Canada, rename it TimeWinderia, and am now taking offers for any parts you might want. Just let me know. Political positions are open, too.

Plus, since gay marriage destroys heterosexual marriage, there’s no doubt a whole lot of now-useless gold, silver, and gemstone wedding jewelry hanging around, too. I’m keeping that for myself, but it’s a bit overwhelming in quantity, so if anyone has any suggestions for what I should do with it all, you can post those, too.

I’ll take the part with the hookers and over-the-counter opiates. You can keep the rest. Thanks! /w


Canada is still here. If you detonated the Gay Bomb over downtown Toronto, nobody would notice. Our marriages are going as strongly as they ever did. We’ll keep our oil, gold, silver, lumber, diamonds, hydroelectricity, and uranium, thank you very much.

Time to go make an omelette.

Over my dead body.

Damned West Coast hippies, anyway.

Resist the TimeWinder invasion, my fellow country-Dopers! Begin the moose counterattack! Start the maple syrup initiative! Release the beavers!

And the man-eating mosquitoes, blackflies, and horseflies!

(They eat me every summer; I see no reason we can’t turn this power against our enemies…)

Chasing beaver

So the plagues DID happen! I knew it!

Please to use that for my sig line, attributed to you, oh please?

Having attended a Gay Wedding in Toronto just last weekend (I’m waiting to get pictures up on Photobucket to start a MPSIMS thread about it), I can tell you the effects of the smiting have been greatly overstated. Most of the ruined landscape seemed to be that way because folks had torn it down in preparation to building high-rise luxury condos, if I’m to believe the billboards. Biggest woe I encountered was that the loonie is running ridiculously strong vs. the US Dollar, turning this foray about 12% more expensive than initially estimated…

I recently read that Canada is bigger in land area than the U.S. and yet, as of today, it only has about 10% of the U.S. population. I have no idea whether the rest of the people perished from AIDS or suffocated in the biggest gay orgy that the world has ever seen. In any case, that seems like the population numbers post nuclear war and it is horrible in my mind to think of those missing Canadians and what they most have gone through (especially in the orgy scenario above). The U.S. could never survive such a thing.

Sign seen by me at the Calgary Stampede yesterday: “US Dollars Accepted At Par.”

Sorry, folks. Guess the Greenback just ain’t that powerful any more. (Here’s a hint to save you some money: before leaving the USA for Canada, change your Greenbacks into Loonies. Spending Greenbacks in Canada is not a good idea, economically, right now. Save yourself some cash: if you’re coming to Canada, have Loonies ready. Or use a credit card. Merchants can and will gouge you for using cash Greenbacks.)

There will be a delay in granting folks’ requests: a moose apparently poured maple syrup in my gas tank. I heard there were a bunch of beavers headed my way, but luckily, I’ve got my own counter-attack beavers for defense.

You’d think that a thorough smiting would have taken care of these pest animals, too. If all of my precious metals have been consumed by overgrown rodents, I’m going to be seriously irritated. (And irradiated–turns out I forgot about the uranium!)

And you didn’t even have time for a MicroTronnaDope? :: snif ::

Our Blue Jays stand on guard. And so do the pileated woodpeckers.

Remind me to introduce you to the radioactive Chinese restaurant in Bancroft.

So you’re saying that the conversion fees eat up the difference in value?

(My web hosting is priced in US dollars, and its cost to me has gone down by about 30 percent over the past few years while remaining at the same number in US dollars. Last time I tried to buy something from the states, though, the ridiculous shipping costs ate up any savings resulting from the exchange rate.)

Go for it. :wink:

Pay no attention to this rube. The fallout has warped his feeble little brain.

I call Vancouver and Montreal.
The beavers, eh Kytheria? You going to bring them into this?


Well, that does my heart good. Does this mean that I can go buy a book at the US price, instead of the still for some unknown reason 25% higher Canadian price now?

(I don’t want no beaver attacks. Those orange-toothed bastards are scary.)

Thank you!