Oh, I’ve been on vacation for a bit.
Lesson learned – Snow tubing with a seven-year-old is innately dangerous for a 37-year-old.
I’m back now.
Still horny, too.
The piercing thing is no sweat as long as it’s only a foreskin thing (great JDT joke btw, CF! ;)).
As for the tattoo, now that’s NO PROBLEM! I live in Beijing anyway and most of the people I meet have would have no idea what this “dipshit” is, that my forehead speaks of.
And besides, what’s wearing a headband\hat\wig?
Even walking around in America with that thing on my forehead I’d feel pretty confident, knowing that it bought me all that free money!
So, anyone wanna take me up on the offer? I’ll even give you exclusive rights to the story of the tattooed dipstick! This is something the desperately bored world needs…
I’d have to stop at the 50 grand turd, though. I don’t think it would be physically possible for me to do it without regurgitating too much to be able to finish my “meal”. shudder Now there’s a pretty thing to think about: “Projectile vomiting of shit, while trying to eat MORE of it”. Jeez… Dear god even…
barf
Phew, sorry 'bout that, guess the thread is just a tad over the top for me at the moment.
— G. Raven
I wouldn’t do any of it.
$100 & $200 isn’t that much money, and wouldn’t be enough to convince me to do anything stupid. I’d probably be the guy that pays other people to do it.
The only one I’d consider is the $500, but no way I’m taking a hit from Tyson. I might not survive. He’d break my sternum and cause bone shards to puncture my heart and lungs. All bad.
Then you might not want to go for the $500.
And, this just in, the Pope is still Catholic.
Bet you still love smileys, too!
Yes, folks, RTFirefly will be here all week.
Don’t forget to tip your waitresses and drive home safely.
If that’s all we have to do - easy. There are no strings attached the way you have written it. Think about it this way, peoples…
“$100 - Lick a brand new rawhide bone for five seconds”
Easy.
“$200 - Stick your arm (up to your elbow) in a giant tub full of slithering worms for ten seconds”
Easy (Come on, don’t be a sook!)
“$500 - Allow Mike Tyson to punch you once, in the chest, with a boxing glove on”
No problem “Just a little tap Mike, as long as your fist is clenched, that’s all that’s important”.
“$1000 - Get your genitals pierced”
Grab a small pin, cut a small incision on a non important part of your genitals. You have just pierced your genitals.
“$2000 - Allow a monkey to throw monkey shit at you”
Sure, he can have one throw, and I’ll be standing just far away enough so he can’t hit me.
“$5000 - Drink two ounces of your own urine”
From http://www.dictionary.com
Drink; 5-1: To toast (a person or an occasion, for example): We’ll drink your health.
So… Here’s a toast to myself. We’ll drink 2 ounces of my urine.
“$10,000 - Get the word “dipshit” permanently tattooed on your forehead”
Using ink which lasts only a few weeks, get what is written here in capital letters – THE WORD “DIPSHIT” PERMANENTLY – tattooed across your forehead. 2 weeks later, “THE WORD “DIPSHIT” PERMANENTLY” will be gone. Get them to tattoo it on your forehead nice and small too.
$25,000 - Stick your head up an elephant’s ass
Go and buy your self a beer, with a nice, big head on it. That is now your beer, hence, YOUR head that is on it. Using some sort of pipe, if you really must, put your HEAD up the elephants ass.
$50,000 - Eat a six inch long turd
From http://www.dictionary.com
Eat; 3: To errode or corrode.
Get those acids out and start erroding away that 6 inch turd of yours.
$100,000 - Allow yourself to be held under water until you pass out
Go under water with a plastic bag TAPED to your mouth. Continuously breathe in and out your recycled air and eventually you will pass out. As soon as you do, get someone to lift you out of the water, remove the bag, and within minutes, you will resume conscienceness. No chance at all that you will inhale water.
$250,000 - Masterbate to orgasm in a hot tub while your parents, who are naked, watch.
OK. First, the ‘parents being naked’ part:
From http://www.dictionary.com
Naked; 5: Devoid of a specific quality, charactersitic, or element.
So just pick out a quality your parents don’t have, and bingo bango, they’re “naked”.
Now the “watching” bit.
From http://www.dictionary.com
Watch; 4: To stay awake at night while serving as a guard, sentinel, or watcher.
So while you’re masterbating in a hot tub, your parents will “watch”. Ie, guard the door, guard the house, whatever. As long as there on watch, and not in the room with you.
$500,000 - Survive 120 seconds of tha “rat torture,” as described in George Orwell’s 1984.
I have no idea what this rat torture is. If someone wants to fill me in, I’ll happily detect a loop hole.
and…for ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
Have a threesome with Madeline Albright and Janet Reno
From http://www.dictionary.com
Threesome; 2: An activity involving three people, especially a golf match in which one player competes against two others who alternate their play.
Get out those golf clubs, get out those golf balls, and enjoy a nice Sunday afternoon… alternating golf play!
Then sit back, relax, and enjoy that “hard earned money”.
OK If we have to go in order, I’d get stuck at $5000. But if we could pick and choose, I’d give Jan and Maddie the greatest night of their lives.
Or you could stick a toilet bowl up there.
Since many people seem to be unfamiliar with the rat torture, here it is:
You have a cage attached to your head with three large, starving rats inside. There is a screen between your face and the rats. When the screen is removed, the rats start eating your face. The only way to stop the torture is if you eat the rats.