My best friend got married last month and moved to Florida this weekend. I like the new hubby and have known him nearly as long as I’ve known her, so I’m happy for them. But honestly, until they came by for one very-last, I-swear-we’re-getting-on-the-interstate-right-now, no-I-really-mean-it-this-time goodbye, I sort of thought she’d change her mind about leaving. I have never had very good female friends. Since Mr. Jane and I got married, I’ve just shared his buddies. They’re cool, but they don’t shop, “do lunch” or cry when I want them to.
Beaner will be impossible to replace. I met her two years ago this November. My lecherous lesbian friend Hope worked with her and brought her over one night when she was babysitting for me. Hope was madly in lust with her but Beaner was oblivious. I thought Beaner was stupid at first. Then she told me she was high. She’s actually very smart - she won a full academic scholarship to the veterinary program at one of the best schools in our area, which she has now given up. We slowly became best buddies, mostly because she just wouldn’t go away. I love her more than just about anything. This is weird for me, as I have a hard time relating to many women. Another thing is she’s incredibly beautiful, but not snotty about it. She also thinks I’m great, which is of course very important.
So now with her gone, I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I have other friends, most of them friends of hers, too. I like them all, but no one compares. I’m lonely, and it’s not fun. Somehow I’ve become accustomed to having someone around, or on the phone, and having someone to do things with. We’ll still talk (I talked to her yesterday) and they’ll come up to visit every few months, and since Mr. Jane has family there, I may go visit them too. Maybe not though. I hate Florida.
So to those of you who are more socially adept than me, how do I make new friends at my age (27)? I’ve met most of my daughter’s classmates’ parents, and they suck. The church I sometimes attend with my mom is very tiny and full of old people. I live in a fairly rural area, so it’s not like I can just run out and meet people on the street or anything. I’m bored and lonely, and conversation can only go so far with a four-year-old. I need to meet other women and/or gay men. I just don’t know how.
I am finding too that it is difficult to make close friends. All of the people who were part of my “inner circle” now live rather far away from me. We still keep in touch and it is always good to see them, but I don’t have any really close friends here in town. The people from work are all great people, but none of them are particularly close. I don’t have an answer for you, just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone in this situation. I do wish you luck though.
It was hard for me too… only IIIII was the one who moved away. I grew up in western NY, and now I’m at college in Louisiana. It sucks. My only friends here are my ex and his friends. I’ve had the same problem - I really don’t relate to women too well.
In many ways, I’m more like a guy than a girl (but you couldn’t tell by looking at me). I mean, I’m bi, so I’ve been known to watch guy-type movies if there’s a hot girl on them, I love football, etc… I only wish you lived around here, sounds like we’d get along great. You need someone to cry - I’m your girl. I think I’m psychotic or something, cause I cry way too much.
I dunno, it just gets old going grocery shopping with a guy, and going clothes shopping with a guy, and working out at the rec with a guy, and going to football games with a guy. I especially want someone to go out with. My friends AND my bf aren’t into dancing or partying. I need someone to go out with, ya know!!!
Well, good luck chica. And don’t think that you’re old or anything - damn, you’re only 27! If you need a babysitter (and your kid’s fairly well-behaved), gimme a ring and take the night off!!!
Is there a community college you could take continuing education classes at? Something like photography, painting, band, something you are interested in, and people similar to yourself should also be enrolled.
Can you volunteer for anything? Animal shelter, nursing center, hospital? You will meet lots of nice people that way too…
I am 30, female as well, with a 2.5 year old. The best place I make friends at is work.
mandielise, how sweet! If you’re ever in the area, give me a shout. Better yet, email me if you want. Maybe we can get together for phone coffee or something.
chrisk72, thanks for the suggestions. Unfortunately, I’m having to stay pretty close to home right now. We had a car accident in March and my neurosurgeon hasn’t released me to go back to work yet. When I am working, I manage a telephone answering service, and several of our clients are animal welfare organizations, so I know most of the folks involved in that kind of thing already and help them out when I can. My uncle is the president of our community college, and I have taken several classes there. I’m not real artsy, but my sister just opened a jewelry business and I am enjoying learning to make things, so maybe I can immerse myself in that as well.
I think my problem is that I want constant attention, except when I want to be left alone. :rolleyes: Perhaps that’s why I have a hard time relating to other women - I’m just too wishy-washy. It’s something I’m working on, among other things.
The only friends I make are through shared hobbies. Luckily role-playing is a comunal hobby, or I wouldn’t be at all close with anyone but my wife.
Of course, I’m also close friends with one of my sisters, but that’s something that you had to start years ago. And if your mom was uncooperative, then you were pretty much out of luck.
Damn Jane, you sound like me. I’m an attention hog - unless there’s someone interesting or passionate who grabs my attention. Perhaps we could take turns in the spotlight. You said your friend moved to Fl, but you never really said where you’re from. I just got your email address, so be expecting a mail.
jane_says, I completely understand the wanting to be the center of attention, except when you want to be alone. And if I do want to be with someone, I don’t want to have to talk all the time. Silence can be nice too. At the same time, I hate being the center of attention (I’m thoroughly wierd, I know).
I have a couple of female friends, but I kept moving, and while I didn’t lose touch with J and K, it’s not the same as being there in the same town as them. It’s easier being back in school now - there’s an automatic mutual interest.
Your profile says you’re in SW Virginia - that may not be to far from me. If you ever end up down towards Knoxville, let me know. If the class schedule allows, I’ll have coffee with ya. And you can even call me Beaner, since that’s what my friend J calls me anyway (THAT freaked me out).
mandielise, I just read this right after I deleted all my email (I get mostly garbage, so if it’s a name I don’t immediately recognize, it gets trashed), so if you mailed me, I may have discarded it. If you don’t mind, would you try it again?
Lsura, I had forgotten about you moving to Knoxville. I now remember your thread asking about apartments and the cost of living there. I am down that way a few times a year (my good friend TN*Hippie lives in Gatlinburg, and I visit him sometimes. We also go to concerts there at UT occasionally. I’ll take you up on that and give you a shout if it’s convenient for you sometime!
neisha, I appreciate the offer. However, an important condition of my friendship is that I get to be the condescending one. I doubt it would work unless you can learn to chop up “a” and “while”, and lose the “s” on your “anyway”. Thanks nonetheless! :wally
OH gosh, I am SO sorry, but I wish I knew. But then, I am nervous and not socially adept, dammit - I moved back here almost 10 years ago, and I know nobody.
I really hope the other wise advice given helps, cos I didn’t mean to bring you down. (And I am 41, grrrr, - so find the solutiono aand keep at it"
I’ve sent a couple of e-mails, but got no response. What gives?
Listen, I know we’re a 100 miles away and I have that annoying penis thing…but I always thought we got along pretty well. I also realize that I’ve been offline a lot lately (long story/details later). I plan to log on later today and I’d LOVE to hear from you.
Look for me here or in MPSIMS.
Peace&Love,
TN*hippie “I gotta shake myself and wonder
why she even bothers me
for if heartaches were commercials
we’d all be on TV”
–John Prine (Come Back To Us Barbara Lewis Hare Krishna Beauregard)
Jane I take it some of Mr.J’s friends are female and shop n stuff…? If its just a question of not connecting that’s probably up to you. If you were close to Beaner you may have not noticed others around you that could fill the gap now she’s gone. There may not be one person that gives you what she did as a whole but maybe there’s a few that taken together will make it up. At the end of the day relationships are about effort and most of us don’t open up properly until we feel comfortable with someone - you said yourself that you became friends slowly. Most of us had had good friendships that faded away but if you feel you need to replace something then bite the bullet and spend some time with the people you do know. Through them you’ll meet others and you may even find a few surprises on the way. Just my HO.
Jasper! I swear to God, I thought you were gone for good. I haven’t gotten any mail, and I’ve left several messages at J’s. Where are you? I’m worried sick! I took a group of clients to the Aquariaum last month and tried to call you to meet me for lunch but no dice.
Mail me a (new?) number. I wanna talk to ya pronto!
