Who will replace Cecil Adams when he is dead?

Unless one is an immortal deity, no one lives forever. Everyone must die sooner or later. So, if Cecil Adams is discovered to be dead, then who will replace him as the columnist? Will this columnist reveal himself to the world or follow Cecil Adams’ footsteps in hiding himself from the public eye?

Speaking of an immortal, omniscient deity, is Cecil Adams God telling us the truth in a clear, factual way with sarcastic humor? That would actually be cool… meeting God… On Wikipedia, I read that Cecil Adams went to a Catholic School, so there is a possibility that this Cecil Adams is a Catholic who speaks the truth from a Catholic point of view and may support the Catholic God, because he may just be the human version of the Catholic God… or am I sounding too far-fetched?

This is probably better suited to ATMB than GQ, especially since it requires speculation.

General Questions Moderator

Cecil Adams: The Dread Pirate Roberts of columnists.

I think Cecil would know the answer to this. Perhaps he will grace us with his presence. More likely we’ll hear the graceless mewlings of his gormless minions.

Cecil Adams probably started writing this columnist in 1973, which means that he was born sometime before 1973. So, he might be a babyboomer, situated in the Chicago area of Illinois, United States. According to Wikipedia’s article about him, it says that Cecil Adams is of Irish descent and has gone to a Catholic school. Therefore, it is likely that he believes or once believed in the Catholic God. However, it is unlikely to believe in a deity, if you believe yourself a deity. So, I speculate that Cecil Adams is the Catholic God, telling the real truth about things that Catholics and non-Catholics should know. :smiley:

Yea! I think that settles it then. We should not worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Google or the Invisible Pink Unicorn. Those are fake deities. Cecil Adams is REAL. We should believe in Cecil Adams and worship him, because he speaks the unbiased truth. Some religions tell lies and mislead the truths, but Cecil Adams, a Catholic, may speak the truth, as he does use very credible sources. Yes, we all need to be saved from our ignorance and praise Cecil Adams for helping us know the truth with sarcastic wit and divine majesty.

Hmmm… maybe I should be Catholic too. That way, I can wholeheartedly worship Cecil Adams.

I don’t know, but I feel like this is some sort of religious propaganda and evangelism. Should we all be Catholics? Seriously? Maybe it’s better to be atheist or agnostic.

Some other person named Cecil Adams will replace him.

When Ed Zotti dies, retires, or otherwise ceases to use the “Cecil Adams” pseudonym, if Creative Loafing or whoever buys the company next stills exists and wishes to continue the gimmick, some other person will write the column under the same “Cecil Adams” byline.

the University of Chicago faculty will have to step up and do it as a group effort. maybe the quality will stay as high.

Death doesn’t have to be involved. This is Cecil Adams Mk III and as far as I’m aware the first two guys are still alive and flourishing.

Ed Zotti may be Cecil Adams in disguise. Both men went to Catholic school, or may be practicing Catholics. Both men seem to be well-educated. Ed Zotti, according to the Wikipedia article about him, wrote a book in the same writing style and format as Cecil Adams, giving hints that Ed Zotti may be Cecil Adams. The year that the column started is 1973, so it is likely that the both men may be baby boomers.

Is it me, or am I getting the impression that I should be a Catholic in order to know everything? Hmmm… I wonder if this Ed Zotti/Cecil Adams person run a church and allows new members to join or question this interesting religion.

To paraphrase G. Orwell:

Q: Does Cecil Adams exist?

A: Of course he exists. The Straight Dope exists. Cecil Adams is the embodiment of the Straight Dope.

Q: Does he exist in the same way as I exist?

A: You do not exist.

Q: Will Cecil Adams ever die?

A: Of course not. How could he die? Next question.

Speaking as a former Catholic, I can assure you, no, you do not need to be Catholic in order to know everything. I certaintly know more now as a non Catholic than I did when I was.*

*The fact that I am no longer Catholic has nothing to do with how much I know now. The fact that I’ve managed to wade through thirteen years worth of Straight Dope archives does.


Beat you to it, Lubricious Integument.


Cecil, being the smartest man alive, presumably has access to all manner of life-extending technologies, a few of which have leaked out into the real world. I speculate that he undergoes periodic regeneration, in a manner similar to Dr. Who.

Damn, you beat me to it.

“Cecil Adams” is more of a title than a person, really. Can I be the next Cecil? Can I? Pretty please? I’ll use my minions for only a little evil.

If you believe yourself a deity, yet you don’t believe in a deity, would that mean you don’t believe you exist at all? <keanu>whoa</keanu>

Odd I know, but I’ve always imagined him as Ganesha, the Hindu god of intellect and wisdom. Complete with elephant head as he sits there typing.

Cecil Adams is a big fat meany pants!

In the event that a regeneration fails, Jesus will finally get the promotion he’s been dying for all the last 2000 years.