Who wrote this satire/comedy piece?

Rattlehead02 · March 3, 2003, 6:10pm

I received this in an email earlier and thought it was hilarious. However, there was no mention of who wrote it. I don’t know the rules/etiquette of posting another article on this message board, but seeing as I have no other way to find out who in fact did write it, I’m gonna post the first paragraph or so. If it’s ok to post the whole thing, let me know and I will (since it is pretty funny).

Associated Press (Gondor) - The streets of Minas Tirith were today thronged with people protesting government plans to pursue a war against Mordor. Thousands of Gondorian citizens were bolstered by a large contingent of Easterlings, Southrons and swarthy half-men from Bree, as well as isolated representatives from other races. Most protestors agreed that the current White Council policy of sending lone hobbits into Mordor was the correct one under the circumstances and Sauron had as yet given no greater cause to widen any operations against him.

“Sauron has given repeated assurances that he has no interest in acquiring Rings of Power” said Ilmiris, daughter of Manador, spokesperson for the marchers. “Ever since his invasion of Eriador was defeated at the end of the second age, Sauron has been a shadow of his former self, howling in the wilderness. It is unthinkable that he should ever grow once again into a threat to the free peoples of the world. This proposed war is one of pure imperialist aggression by Aragorn son of Arathorn. It was his ancestor who started the last war against Mordor, and Aragorn just wants to prove that he can be just as good at warfare as his grandaddy was.”

If anyone knows who wrote this, please help me out!

Thank in advance for the help!

Jeff

Rick · March 3, 2003, 8:02pm

I don’t know who wrote it, but I would love to seet he whole thing. Perhaps you could forward it to me?

Q.E.D · March 3, 2003, 8:08pm

I found it here too. Don’t know if they are the originators, though.

universe.zip · March 3, 2003, 8:13pm

…and so the circle closes.

It is indeed not allowed to post whole texts, check out the SDMB copyright policy.
In this case, it isn´t even necessary, as it is quoted already in Fingolfin´s wonderful If LoTR Had Been Written By Someone Else!?-thread - check it out for hours of fun reading (and I mean literally hours - no, days!)
The author appears to be this guy - at least that´s the source given in the thread.

Rattlehead02 · March 3, 2003, 9:14pm

I appreciate the help, but the links you gave me show a similar kind of article, but it’s not quite the same. The “If LoTR Had Been Written By Someone Else!?” thread is pretty damn funny though!

Rick, I’ll shoot you an email.

Jeff

universe.zip · March 3, 2003, 11:15pm

Oh, dear me, how silly of me. I just searched for the initial phrase and didn´t bother to compare the texts… I was so sure it was the same one, it sounded so familiar.
The end sounds terribly familiar, too, though… about Aragorn wanting to prove he´s as good as his granddad… well, I can´t find it now, so probably it is a different text after all. But maybe someone just went and compiled the good bits and pieces from different texts? Whatever, just bide your time, someone wiser than me will come along soon and answer your question.