Pity. It’s quite interesting.
So it’s OK to hurt people you don’t know.
Cool, I’m glad I got that straight.
If by ‘hurt’ you mean date someone who chooses you over someone else? Then, yeah, it’s ok to do that.
Remember, people aren’t possesions, and anybody is free to come or go as they wish. If a girl chooses to leave her boyfriend because she thinks she’ll be happier with someone else, that’s life.
Ok, here’s a cliche: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they’re yours. If they don’t, they never were.”
Someone like Crazy Cat Lady might’ve torn your eyes out if you suggested she wasn’t commited ~escapes from CCL~
Ahem… the point is, if you can hit on someone else, and they choose you over their partner, they weren’t in a serious/commited relationship.
While we’re at it… for me, at least, “dating” and “boyfriends/girlfriends” are definitely not the same thing.
“Dating” is just what it sounds like: going out on dates. No commitment; no relationship; no “I love you.” Maybe some umpty. Quite possibly more than one at a time. “Dating” can stop without any notice, and the former date is not considered an ex.
“Boyfriends/girlfriends” is serious. You are seeing a lot of this person. Hanging out more than just dates. There is a relationship of at least some amount of commitment, the L-word has probably been spoken, and there is definitely umpty (if you’re me). Rarely is there more than one at a time, and if they don’t all know about one another and approve, you’re an asshole. “Boyfriends/girlfriends” continue until further notice. One cannot simply stop seeing one’s boy/girlfriend; one must explicitly break up, and the former boy/girlfriend is considered an ex.
Is this not how people usually use these words?
Nah, that’s not what I mean. I mean if I screw your live in girlfriend of x amount of years who you thought you were in a monogamous realtionship with; then you’ll harbor no resentment towards me?
I mean I know the bulk of it would go towards your girlfriend, but damn.
Agreed.
Towards you? Chances are no. Towards her? Probably. But even if I was pissed at both of you, so? I don’t own her, she’s not my property, and the only thing keeping her in my bed is her choice to be there. I wouldn’t really have a right to get all that upset. Sure, I could choose to either accept her actions and keep dating her or, more likely, leave. But it’s still her right to bed down wherever she wills.
“Do as thou wilt”, and all that.
Why would I be angry at you? Some non-entity in my world who fucked a girl who wasn’t worth my time evidently? Life’s too short my friend…
Ah, jeez! Maybe it’s just my Texas upbring’n.
I’ve alway been taught: “You don’t mess with another man woman.” (wheather you know them or not.)
Damn, now I starting to get a little depressed. I’m turning into a Grandpa before my time. Is “don’t mess with another mans woman” out dated now??
" ‘What do I do it my woman --’ oh, here we go. My woman. Maaaahhhhhh wuh-mawn. Not your woman - maaaahhhhhh wuh-mawn." - Lea Delaria
I’m happily married, and it bothers me not a bit when guys hit on my wife, not does it bother her when they hit on me. They get shot down post haste, but no harm has been done to either of us.
The thing is, SHAKES, it’s not **“another man’s woman”. ** No woman belongs, in a proprietal sense, to any other person, man or otherwise.
Your attitude harkens back to the olden days when women (and slaves) were commodity items to be bought and sold on the free market.
It is up to the woman (or bloke) being hit upon to decide whether they want to continue with the hitting, not the hitter. That’s capitalism at it’s finest. 
Okay, so you’re saying that my relationship, because we’re not legally married, is disposable and has less value than that of a legal couple?
Does that mean that a couple who dated, oh, say, three months and have been married a few weeks have a more important relationship? 'Cause, you know, I’d like to think twenty- four years, twenty of it as parents, counts for something. :rolleyes:
Neither of us is “up for grabs”. Trust me on that.
Just so we’re clear. I meant that whole “Don’t mess with another man’s woman” bit to go both ways. And I CERTAINLY didn’t mean it in the possesive.
If a couple has made an exclusive commitment to each other, then they are more than “just dating”. It is the first stage after “Just dating” leading toward engaged, and then married. (Iunless of course the two in question are both in AGREEMENT about a more alternative lifestyle).
There IS a difference between just dating, as in you’re not exclusive and you can date others, and having made a conscious and verbal decision to be monogamous iwth each other.
[quoteWell of course it’s pathetic to wait around. If you want someone and they have a SO, you should try to seduce them. [/quote]
If all you’re looking for is casual sex, I guess so, but if you’re looking for an SO of your own, well hell, if they’ll do it (cheat, be easily seduced away from a long term relationship) with you, they’ll do it to you. So how are YOU gonna feel if the person who is so easily seduced away from a LTCR (long term commtted relationship) is JUST as easily seduced away from you? Keeping in mind of course that you were NOT in fact just looking for casual sex, but wanted a LTCR of your own?
And again, if it’s “all that easy” in your words, then, unless you’re just after a casual sexual relationship, why would you WANT to pursue this fickle person for an SO of your own?
Well, would you consider it good form to hit on married women?
In homosexual couples, since in some states they can’t get married, is hitting on any gay person okay, even if they are in a stable relationship?
You seem to think that the only way a relationship is “real” is if it’s got a piece of paper behind it. I’m sorry to say that some things transcend paper. Like common human decency, for example.
Golden rule, people. If you don’t want people attempting to steal your SO, extend the same courtesy to others.
I dunno. It seems that we are talking about different levels of commitments, that is what we have different words. Dating does not equal marriage. If you have been dating someone a long time and want it to be forever, why aren’t you married? If you have doubts, then it seems fair enough that others, who may be interested in a long-term commitment can pursure. Of course, maybe your SO is the one who has doubts. Of course, then it is his/her right to look around. I gotta say, as I first stated, marriage and dating aren’t the same thing and therefore have different rules.
Since when is girlfriend/boyfriend NOT dating? That is the step between stranger/casual acquaintence and engaged
Granted, there is a minor difference between casual dating [seeing if there is a spark there] and serious dating [spark, but is it twu wuv] but still they are both dating
I don’t really agree - “dating” for me is when going out on dates is the main thing two people do together. People in a long-term relationship do a whole lot more than that - they probably see each other most days, they might live together, who knows. I dunno, I guess I just see a whole lot of ground to be covered between dating and engagement. matt_mcl summed it up best, I think.
If I called up someone now and got a date with them, I’d be dating them (and would also have displayed hitherto unknown date-getting abilities). I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be their boyfriend just yet, though. I guess people’s mileage may vary.
Check matt_mcl’s definition above; that fits for me. There’s also a wide gap at times between “dating” and “engaged”; my husband and I were “only” boyfriend and girlfriend for six years, then lived together for a couple years, before getting engaged. Engagement traditionally is the signal to begin wedding plans, and not just another long stage in living together as it’s sometimes done. Nonetheless, I would have been annoyed at anyone who suggested that after several years of being together, we weren’t really that committed.