In my opinion, compromising schedules is one thing. To have plans for your anniversary and then blow those off to attend a birthday party for a friend seen every day is something else entirely. That says, in effect, “My friend’s party is more important to me than celebrating the day we got married.” Incredibly tacky and insulting, if you ask me. (You didn’t, but I’m answering anyway. I’m pushy like that.)
Maybe I’m just oldfashioned, but I think anyone who invites people to her birthday party and them makes them pay for their own dinners is being an asshole.
I think you’re just old fashioned. I don’t recall ever a situation where one of my social group paid for all the dinners at a birthday do.
Wait a minute - except for me, actually. I did it at my last birthday. It cost hundreds. Hmmm. Maybe you have a point. I want my free meals, guys!
pan
That’s exactly what I was thinking, too. Plus, I guess we would have to know what prior anniversaries have included- For my husband and I, we generally exchange cards and that’s about it- sometimes if we have the money we go out, sometimes we don’t (once I got a diamond anniversary band. Woot!) If there is a past precident of not really doing much on your anniversary, she probably thought it was fine to do something else. This, coupled with the fact that she already intended to give you your present a bit late, coupled with the fact that you said “OK” when she said she was going to the party, sounds like it created a big ball of resentment.
You need to sit down with her and talk about it, clear the air, and celebrate your anniversary in a way that makes you BOTH happy. It sounds like a misunderstanding to me, not malice.
Zette
Usually we haven’t done much, mainly because I was in grad school, and June doesn’t have student loan checks coming in. But I’m now (very) gainfully employed and am able to spend some Benjamins on a really nice dinner. It was intended as catch-up for years of abject poverty. And we’ve always done something, even if it was $35 at Steak & Ale. I was fine with her going to the party when it was supposedly in the afternoon. The big ball of resentment came when she decided it was OK to spend lots of money on the birthday, but somehow we couldn’t afford my present.
An update, though, she called and apologized. Sweet vindication. It turns out that since I got my expense check, she figured we could afford both. Mind you, that didn’t get spoken out loud, but as you all know, men can read women’s minds.
I’m still iffy about putting a CD player in the company car. If it has a tape deck, you can get a good portable with a converter.
Aside from that…
I know that my girl and I aren’t anything like baseline normal, but neither of us has slept away from the other in our 10 years without having months and months of notice.
I’d be incredibly hurt and angry if she just up and decided to do that. Luckily, we both shun ‘mixing’, so it’s something that won’t come up.
What does “mixing” mean?
Just curious…
Zette
You know, going out with people for the sake of going out. I don’t like being in large or noisy groups. Even birthday parties are mostly just family and maybe 2 more people.