Batman vs Jesus?
Jesus, if he’s divine.
One of the first things Jesus says in the New Testament is that if someone slaps you, offer them the other cheek. So Jesus wouldn’t fight Batman.
However even if Bats is super pissed he won’t kill Jesus. Plus Jesus won’t be htting back so I’d assume Bats would lose his gung-ho after 6-8 swings. After that Bats stops, Jesus looks at him, and Bats falls eternally into his service. I mean, its Jesus people. Jesus is always prepared. Prepared with loooooooovvveeee.
So Jesus wins, but Bats doesn’t really get beaten. So they both win. Hoooray!
I think a more interesting battle would be Ken Jennings vs. Batman vs. Jesus in Jeopardy! It would a battle royale of the wits! Inconceivable!
I don’t know why, but when I read this, the first thing that popped into my head was Jesus standing there, holding a 55 gallon drum anal lube in one hand, and looking at Batman with a “Your ass or mine?” expression on his face.
I didn’t quite think of that. But I did think “so if Batman is fighting Jesus right after a rendezvous with Catwoman (or Robin, depending on what you think of old Bruce), Jesus is out of luck.”
Um, Marley, you do know that the current Robin is a girl, right?
Jesus:
“Take, eat: this is my body.”
“It’s a bit tough, innit?”
No, I meant to sound like I don’t know what I’m talking about. Really.
Actually the comment still works, just as a ‘different kind of women Batman likes’ jokes instead of the usual cheap joke.
Speaking of Catwoman, who’s playing Batman in the new Halle Berry flick?
An up-and-coming actor named Peter NotThere.
I loved his interpretation of Hitler in…ohhh wait, you said Peter NotThere.
I do not think that word means what you seem to think it means.
But Jesus had to save mankind. Otherwise, he might have opened a can of whup-ass on the Romans. Let’s say Batman has the power to come back from the dead, and let’s say he’s fighting the Joker. If he lets the Joker kill him, he can rise from the dead and follow Joker when Joker meets up with Catwoman and Riddler, and nab all three of them. So he’s totally gonna let Joker kill him.
Too bad he didn’t have a nail-puller in there, cuz that would have really come in handy.
Yep:
http://www.earlychristianwritings.com/text/infancythomas-a-mrjames.html
Chapter IV:
“After that again he went through the village, and a child ran and dashed against his shoulder. And Jesus was provoked and said unto him: Thou shalt not finish thy course. And immediately he fell down and died.”
As Jennings is a Mormon it who be a two man (superman?, ultra-humanite type thing?) battle is Jennings couldn’t show up his lord and savior.
Super Best Friends v. The Justice League. There’s a battle.
Nothing so far in this thread to convince me that sans Son O’ God mojo that Jesus is anybody special. He’s another Kal-El. It’s easy to be omnipotent when you’re born that way.
Nah. That’s nothing but Jesus fan-fiction.
My money’s on Sea Man.
You called?
(I think you mean Aqua Man. ;))
In the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, Jesus already has superpowers as a child and is killing other kids (Infancy Gospel Jesus is more like Damien than the Son of God) but of course, that’s not Canon.
If we’re sticking to Canon, I don’t think Jesus gets his superpowers until after his baptism by John (at least he doesn’t exhibit them until then), so I think Batman (if he’s prepared, of course) should be able to easily kick the ass of a scrawny, peacenik carpenter.
If we go off Canon, are there any Batman comics, novels, fan fics, whatever in which Batman has any superpowers, even temporarlily?
On second thought, even then, he would still have to fight guy with the powers of God.