Drawing inspiration from thisthread and thisone, I figured what the heck! Let’s settle it once and for all.
Ignoring how evil each individual man was, and ignoring how functional and aesthetically pleasing each’s mustache was, answer the following question: which mustache was the most evil?
I put this in the pit because I am under the impression that parody threads go here, of which I admit this is a ridiculously lame parody thread. If it shall be moved to MPSIMS or whatever (but not the Barn House, anywhere but there), so be it.
Hitler was evil and had a piddly little 'stache. “Uncle Joe” Stalin was not evil, the fuzzy little mind-controlling alien that attached itself to his top lip was evil.
Back in the 1980s, a Bangkok department store was selling posters of Hitler. When a friend asked why, he was told: “Because he was a very funny man.” The best we could figure is they mistook him for Charlie Chaplin, who enjoyed something of a resurgence in popularity over here at that time, with some of his stuff being shown on video monitors in some buses.
Stalin’s is more evil because it looks less evil. Hitler’s trying to make some kind of point, Stalin’s just a dude with a 'stache, Russia’s full of 'em, looks like an OK everyday guy you can trust.
If I knew nothing about the men: Stalin’s is friendly enough. Hitler’s would be novel in this age (except Chaplin. And Mugabe) and I’d wonder why it disappeared for some reason. So it would at least be a little off-putting.
Hitler’s mustache was actually a rather popular one in previous times; a response to the wildly elaborate mustaches German aristocrats often wore. It was a backlash, a protest in the form of facial hair, a Mustache Of The People. Stalin, by contrast, had a great and glorious mustache, and saw no reason to limit it for the sake of the feelings of the follicularly challenged- they couldn’t keep up, but that wasn’t its fault. In short, each man’s mustache had the politics of the other.
The two men may have been able to get along, but war between their mustaches was inevitable.
According to certain cites Hitler had to crop his previously luxuriant Prussian moustache to the familiar toothbrush style to accommodate his gas mask.