Why am I so nervous about my NAME?

[Anne_Neville]

@CrazyCatLady

I consider myself terribly lucky that my mother had told me years ago that OMG moment was standard and didn’t really mean anything–when it hit me a few weeks after getting engaged, I was able to just roll with it and not freak out about freaking out.

I really wish someone had done that for me before my wedding.

@Miller

I don’t understand why anyone would want to do it today.

I never particularly liked my last name. It was easy to make fun of, and a lot of people spelled it wrong.

@iftheresaway

now I’m a much more ancient 24

Get off my lawn!

[Heart_of_Dorkness]

Even if you’re 100% sure that you want to change it, you don’t have to do it now. I was desparate to get rid of my albatross of a name and all its horrible personal associations, and I still didn’t change it until almost two years into the marriage. I just waited until it felt right. You may find yourself more comfortable with it once you’ve had some time living with the reality that the name merely symbolizes. Or, you may find you don’t particularly need the symbol anymore.

[Mona_Lisa_Simpson]

I went through the sort of oddness too. I went through a phase about a week before my wedding when every time I wrote my last name I got nostalgic and weepy. Oh LastName, I will miss you. I knew I didn’t have to change it, but I wanted to.

However it got a whole lot weirder. When I got married I wanted to “take” my husbands last name, and he didn"t want me to. It actually became an issue we fought about, and in the interests of peace, I let it drop and continued with my maiden name.

Then when I was pregnant, and my son was born (and I moved provinces, so I had to get all my ID re done anyway) I went with combination my lastname, his last name, non hyphenated but both present (two last names, if you will. ) He freaked out even more. But I wanted our family to have all the same last name, even if his was a bit odd to most English Language speakers. He was reluctant for some reason to even sign our son’s birth certificate. (In retrospect I now wish he hadn’t)

Within weeks of separating, when I knew I would never reconcile with him, I went back to my “own” last name.

Now my son has his bio-father’s, and its ok. Son’s middle name is my lat name…that helps. He is 5 though and says he has two last names…mine and the ex’s. He says it like its hyphenated.

[Kalhoun]

@Serenata67

Were any other brides out there nervous about taking their husband’s name? Is this a good thing? (Perhaps that everything else is going so well that my mind dwells on the stupid things?) Or is it a bad thing? (Focusing on the insignificant so I don’t think about the major?) Is this normal?

I can’t imagine using my husband’s name. The whole concept is weird to me. Did he express a desire for you to change it? You can wait a while and do it later, if it feels right. No rush.

[Drain_Bead]

@Miller

I have to admit, I never understood the whole “taking his name” thing. It makes sense in a historical context, but I don’t understand why anyone would want to do it today.

I had a name that made me easily googleable. Now I am impossible to find. I prefer it that way.

[boozilu]

For me, it just seemed like a huge PITA to change my name – more laziness on my part than anything. The kids don’t seem to care, and if someone calls me Mrs. Boozilu I just roll with it – I know what they mean.

My husband didn’t care, although his mom wondered at my commitment to the marriage. Flash forward – we’ve been happily married 16 years and my MIL has been married 3 times and had to change her name back-and-forth each time

PS – To the OP, I think getting stressed out about little things helps divert attention from things you are really worried about. Found that out when I got pregnant and obsessed about really minor stuff to take my mind off the big fears that pregnant women can have.

[HeyHomie]

Mrs. Homie agonized about changing her name, but mainly because a) My last name kind-of blows (it’s about as appealing as Hornswoggle); and b) My father’s side of the family is well-known around here, and not in a good way, so just about everyone who hears my last name says “Oh, are you related to so-n-so?”

[Dangerosa]

@CrazyCatLady

I consider myself terribly lucky that my mother had told me years ago that OMG moment was standard and didn’t really mean anything–when it hit me a few weeks after getting engaged, I was able to just roll with it and not freak out about freaking out. I’d just put a pizza in the oven, and I remember sort of sliding down the cabinet like an egg that missed the bowl and just sitting there in the floor hyperventilating for about 20 minutes. And then I got up and ate my pizza and was fine.

That can backfire. I was so busy writing off my OMG moment as standard that I completely missed that I shouldn’t have been getting married to my first husband because we weren’t remotely compatible over the long term. (I think the sex must have been good or something). I’ve suspected my sister - who is still married - feels similarly about ignoring her OMG moment.

When I got married to Brainiac4, there was no OMG moment. Not even the briefest flash.

[Apollyon]

@Athena

Because it’s a pain in the ass to have a different last name than your husband.

YMMV obviously, but that’s kind of a broad brush. Around here at least it seems do big deal.

I don’t have kids, but I can imagine it’d be even MORE of a pain in the ass in that situation.

Meh… my wife insisted that the sprog got my last name… I was happy to consider options; she insisted. My surname isn’t that weird, but… mmm… easily used to tease a child. So, kid and I have same surname, and his mother doesn’t. Everyone still knows who his mother is… just no big deal.

It’s just easier that way, at least once you get through the torture that is registering your name change in a gazillion different places.

That was deciding factor in my wife not changing her name… she was pretty undecided about the whole thing, but we were heading overseas immediately after wedding and changing passports, etc clinched the deal.

Depending on the area and situation you may well be right Athena, but simply not changing her name is (and IMHO should be) one of Serenata67’s options.

[kittenblue]

Sorry I can’t help about the nervousness thing…changing my last name was no big deal to me when I got married. It made sense, was the norm at the time, and made me feel like we were part of the same family. I think it would feel odd to have had a different last name than my own children when they were little, and I think their father felt the same way. Marriage didn’t make it to 20 years, but I’ve kept the name. I’d change it again if I ever remarry. I’ve never considered going back to my maiden name, though I occasionally use it as a sort of middle name when I need to jog memories.

[Serenata67]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I just talked to my fiancee about it. He said he’s not passionate about my name either way. He just wants me to be happy with my decision.

That doesn’t make the decision any easier, though. If he were passionate about it either way, his opinion could help me.

I think I will probably take his name. All in all, I’m somewhat traditional and I like the “nuclear family” kind of principle. I think I’m just blowing this way out of proportion. we had a good talk and he understands either way… I just need to make up my mind. I still have time, but now I’m a bit more rational about it all.

Thanks everyone.