One night stands still carry a lot of stigma for women who are a bit older, and we as a society pass this on to our children to a certain extent. A girl who slept around when I was a teenager (30-40 years ago) was promiscuous at best and a slut at worst. Which is not to say I never had them - I’d lost count of the number of people I’d slept with well before I was 30. But I’m a bit different from other women, in that my inhibitions cause me to find the first one or few sexual encounters with a man are likely to be the best rather than the worst, and I’ve really never been able to make the connection between love and the actual sex act. Hugging and kissing and various forms of conveying affection via touch, absolutely, but when it comes to intercourse or oral sex, the connection just vanishes for me.
In short, I think for most women, it is a combination of societal mores and the fact that to them sex implies something of an emotional commitment for them to enjoy it, moreso that for men, particularly quite young men. I don’t happen to have the latter, but then I decided several years ago that sexual or emotional connections were simply way more trouble than they were worth and have simply taken myself of the market.
Wrong! Some of us are. I have no interest in a relationship, yet would like to have a pal to play around with when the mood strikes. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find a man who won’t get jealous, attached, weird, territorial, etc.
Tell me about it. I think we need some sort of special code for “I’m very happy on my own, thanks, but really enjoy sharing fun, sexual pleasure, company, and conversation with others.”
I’ve found the jealous, attached, weird issues are hard to avoid with women too, unfortunately. But less so with women over 50 or so. Life is too short!
Same here! Every now and then it will occur to me that I really don’t believe I’ve ever “made love” – despite the fact that I’m currently in the most serious relationship of my life, we’ve been together for 1.5 years, and and we have sex 2-4 times a week. I enjoy the sex, and there are loving, affectionate moments both before and after the act, but the sex itself is always just that: sex.
Ditto. And it’s way too difficult to sort everything out (the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, on all issues) to even mess with it. At this stage of my life, a ripe old 40, I’d rather do without the hassles and instead take care of myself.
Supplementing all the wise remarks upthread, I would add that while each woman is an individual, of course, on the whole we are less likely to be attracted to a sex partner purely because of physical characteristics and more because of personality combined with physical appearance. A one-night-stand situation doesn’t permit you to get to know someone particularly well and therefore even if they are physically attractive you may not feel all that horny toward them.
I was fairly, ahem, wild in college, but I never did the one-night-stand thing. Sleep with a guy I didn’t know incredibly well, sure. Sleep with a guy I didn’t know AT ALL? Just not interested, or more precisely, just not aroused.
Same for me. Everyone is unique and I’d rather spend the time learning what rings this particular lady’s chimes than starting from scratch each time. No offense to those who do one night stands, but to me it’s just masturbating with a partner.
Every weekend fling I’ve had got to the point where he’d get all mushy and I’d be the one saying “uh, I’m not looking to get married, yanow…”
I’ve never had a one-night stand but it was because every time I got an offer for one the dialogue went like this:
He: “wanna go someplace and uhm… :D”
Me: “ok, you got rubbers?”
He: “uh?”
Me: “rubbers. Condoms. You know, like balloons but sold by Trojan. You got? Cos I don’t, but I know where to get.”
He: “oh, rubbers! I don’t use that shit, no real man uses that shit.”
Me: “oh, sorry then. Bye!”
He: “wait! wait, I’ll get rubbers!”
Me: “no, sorry, not interested any more”
That’s not ambivalent. That’s having a rule of “no condom, no sex.”
As a practical matter, I suspect that a sizable percentage of women in that age group aren’t on hormonal birth control if they aren’t in a long-term relationship. Sure, some have had their tubes tied and some like beneficial side effects of the pill, but some get negative side effects or just don’t want the hassle. If high blood pressure starts to be an issue, being on the pill is more controversial. So I don’t think reliable birth control can be assumed in a fair number of potential mid-life one-night-stand situations.
:D”