Every guy I know or have ever met who has a serious SO (female) is in the same situation, more or less. The woman takes the role of health, finance and behavior manager.
For example, it appears to be women who complain about the guy drinking too much, smoking, eating the wrong foods, not excercising enough, not cleaning enough, etc.
Now I know that this is not ALWAYS the case. But it seems to be about 90% of the time.
What gives? Why are women like this?
Hoo boy, Mr. Zambezi, are you in for a wild ride !
But you are right to a certain extend. I would, however put it like this:
“Women value different things in life and spend a lifetime trying to convince their SO’s that these things are more vital than Beer, Cars & Sports. Women are wrong, in this repsect.”
So there.
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
Not river. Monty Python character.
Nice diplomacy.
And along those same lines, all guys leave the seat up, are completely unromantic, have no clue how to cook, and do nothing but play with power tools and comment on the cool new Firebird driving down the street.
Get a clue. Maybe, just maybe this is a bad subset of women.
My wife is perhaps the least nagging person I know. Maybe these women are having to nag because they are married to shiftless, ne’er -do-wells who won’t get their butts off the couch to help out on some of the simple household and general living and married activities.
My sig line is currently unavailable. Please check this post in 1 hour when we resume our broadcast day.
Because, dear heart, if we DIDN’T nag, nothing would EVER get done, and you’d all smoke, drink and eat yourselves to death by the time you were 40.
Which, frankly, might not be a bad idea.
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
Right, my point. Food is food. It doesn’t matter if the toilet seat is up and those power tools are responsible for the house being in good working order.
And, remarkably, we men have managed to get a few minor things accomplished in spite of our propensity to smoke drink and eat salty snacks.
Why the hell does all of the small crap matter to you gals?
“Why the hell does all of the small crap matter to you gals?”
—It doesn’t, which is why I am making these two little posts, and then going on to something more important.
Eve said
[quote]
if we DIDN’T nag, nothing would EVER get done[\quote]
well, you will be missed since, without your nagging here, nothing will get done.
In my experience, women are more observant than most men. They notice, for instance, that the bathroom looks cleaner if the seat (or even - gasp! - the lid) is put down. Because women notice things like this and are concerned with the appearance (or even the REAL cleanliness and manageability) of things, women tend to mention it to men when they don’t maintain a certain standard.
Most men (there are definitely exceptions, thank goodness) don’t care so much about appearances. They don’t notice if the seat’s up and if there’s toilet paper or if they are out of aspirin or toothpaste. Many of them realize this and appreciate the “nagging” woman in their life who makes sure that these things are taken care of.
In this age of “equal” division of domestic labor, you will find that in most couples the woman still has the duty of administration of the household. According to a friend’s honors thesis, even if a man thinks that he does half of the housework, chances are that the woman tells him which half he needs to do because he would not know where to start or notice what needs to be done. Example: One of the couples interviewed for the thesis stated that the man does “all the shopping”, but when asked who plans the menu, keeps track of household inventory and writes the list…all he does is push a cart and follow carefully communicated instructions. Charged with this burden of running the house, it’s not very surprising that some women think that they need to pull the burden of running their SO’s life as well. That man could always walk away, you know. Your friends could have smelly houses, eat crappy food and be alone - it’s a valid option. Obviously there’s a compromise to be made for sharing your life/house/time with someone.
I guess the real question is: Do men listen?
The good ones do. The unacceptable ones whine and ask silly rhetorical questions like “Why are women nags?”. Take a look in the mirror.
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
– Emo Phillips
WHat makes me laugh is when men will say, “I’d love to go out and drink some beer with the guys, but my wife/girlfriend won’t let me.” Or “I need my wife’s permission.” You pussy whipped bastard. You DO NOT need her permission.
Seriously, there is a difference with trying to improve your mate, and chopping him down with nagging. If you women are so observant you should easily see that nagging does not work and try something different.
I think that you are right about women noticing things that men do not. WE simply don’t see some things such as dirt and toilet seats.
But I disagree with the division of labor. I think that the problem is that we try to divide the labor pervfectly evenly without regard to our gender strengths. The man may not plan the dinners and make the shopping list, but does he keep the car running, balance the checknbook, manage the household finances?
It is my experience that what used to be called “women’s duties” are now expected to be split 50/50. But the traditional male duties are still male duties. We are supposed to cook and do dishes, but women still are not expected to fix the car or manage the finances, or rewire the electric or remodel the bathroom.
I will ask you the question: If men are not good at noticing the dirt or planning the meals, why continue to press the issue? Do you expect them to become “better humans” through constant correction. And I am sincere here, why not just change the system or redistribute the duties?
Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It doesn’t work and it annoys the hell out of the pig.
“There’s not a minute of our lives should stretch
Without some pleasure now.”—
W.S., Antony and Cleopatra, I.I.46
Hey now, not all of us women are like that.
Me, I am independant and live alone. If something needs fixing I either do it myself or work WITH my landlord to get the thing fixed.
I like cars, trucks and Harley’s. I am a computer geek too. I have changed the oil, the brakes etc. Also, I have more tools than my father.
In addition, I have seen a lot of men just pick up the shiney power tool and only get one use out of it.
As for nagging, I got more nagging from my last boyfriend about the things I did or didn’t do.
BTW, it takes a man with a very strong personality to deal with me, I don’t like wimpy guys.
Because when a man asks a woman to do something, it’s called a reasonable request.
When a woman asks a man to do something it’s called nagging.
Women are very valuable when it comes to camping though. No guy I know will remember to bring the mustard…or even food for that matter. I damn near starved the last time I went camping with my dad.
No, when a man asks for something he is requesting a task be done. Women tend more to concentrate on behavior.
For example, asking “can you stop and get milk?” is very different from “Can you sit up straight?”
Another observation: women are more concerned with appearances and form. Men are more concerned with outcome and function. Hence our concern with tasks and women’s concern with behavior.
“There’s not a minute of our lives should stretch
Without some pleasure now.”—
W.S., Antony and Cleopatra, I.I.46
If a woman is with a man who she feels needs nagging, then maybe he’s just a lazy, good-for-nothing, child that can’t take care of himself. I’ve been with that type of man before and I felt like his mother. If I wanted kids, I’d get knocked up.
I’m now with a MAN. He and I share responsibilities equally. The only thing I even come close to nagging him about is whether or not to go to the doctor, but that’s only because I care, not because I’m on some power trip and feel a need to control him.
For a long time, I thought the term “mature male” was an oxymoron.
[quote]
Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It doesn’t work and it annoys the hell out of the pig.
[\quote]
I disagree from an animal behavior standpoint. You can coerce a pig to make noise upon receiving a certain signal, reward the pig and continue to reinforce that behavior. It’s actually pretty simple. It’s training, and it works on men, too. Of course, you may have a pig that just doesn’t want to learn or gain approval. Some men are like that too. They should probably live alone.
And don’t blame me for making the pig/man analogy. You started it.
I didn’t want to point out, as did techchick, that you are making a lot of whopping generalizations about any household. I am personally much better at electrical wiring than my husband, he’s better at working a timing light, etc. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses on the homefront. I know plenty of guys who don’t have ANY power tools and plenty of couples who live in apartments and call the maintenance company when things go wrong. It doesn’t excuse either party from contributing to the household.
There’s no such thing as “women’s work”, Zambezi.
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
– Emo Phillips
I don’t know why this is. In a lot of ways, me and my SO are the reverse gender roles. For example, he’s the one who is WAY more concerned about whether the house is clean and how it’s decorated. I usually can’t care less. So in a way, he nags me to do stuff.
HOWEVER, I do notice that it’s still perceived as MY problem to get things done. Maybe it’s because it was originally my house, and now he’s moving in. But I’ve noticed there’s stuff that happens where he notices things wrong, but it’s up to me to fix 'em. A couple of examples:
He doesn’t like my method of storing toilet paper (I throw the package behind the toilet.) He says that we need to find some containers for it or put it in a closet. He grumbles about it until I go out and buy a nice decorative basket to hide it in. Why didn’t HE go buy the basket? He’s the one who had the problem originally.
Example 2: The house is always a mess. We both work. It’s much harder to keep it clean with two people living there. We decide to get a cleaning service. He grumbles about the house being dirty, but never once picks up the phone and sets up appointments to interview cleaning services. He waits until I do it.
Example 3: He doesn’t like the pillows at my house. This has been going on for a couple years now. I didn’t like the pillows at his house, either, so I bought my own and stored it there within a month of him getting the place. He still doesn’t have a pillow that he likes, but rather than buying one he just grumbles. I’ve decided to leave this one up to him rather than go buy him one. I highly doubt he will ever go buy a pillow.
Any ideas why all this is? I’m open to suggestions…
One of the many valid reason for women to try to modify men’s behavior: skid marks.
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
– Emo Phillips