See let’s try together
Correct response to either of the above: (From you) “No, I was planning on growing old with you and don’t want you to be burdened with ill health. I want us to enjoy our retirement travelling together through Europe.”
She wasn’t sure what to do, so she looked at how the government did things and decided to run her life that way.
Count my father and my brother-in-law as “male nags” - willing to point out their spouses’ weight and appearance, and nag about it. And no, neither have been abusive. (In my dad’s case, he was often “long suffering” to my mom’s general eccentric nuttiness.) But nags, yes. In fact, I think it is quite typical for men to be “nags” in regards to their SO’s appearance, especially weight.
TVeblen Thanks you for being honest. it is nice to hear one of the weaker sex finally admit to the suspicions that secret order of He Man Woman Haters has long held.
To be fair, WE should reveal that it is our intent to wear women down by being consistent slobs. WEe also plan to eat fatty food, drink too much, smoke too much and jab sharp sticks into our eyeballs…unless of course you stop us. “Keep nagging or the husband gets it!”
To be fair, when I posted this, I had been comisserating with about 5 other guys who all had very similar experiences. I was particularly irked at my SO who is very stressed out lately and has been creating more order in her worlld by bossing me around about everything…something that she has not done for the previous 4.5 years of our relationship. The ubiquity of this issue got me to thinking.
Granted, I was a bit more vitriolic than normal.
well, you get the ceegar! I think you are right. There is no malice to this. The nagging arises from a desire to keep a nice house, to have a healthy spouse, to spend time together, etc.
When the wills between some men and some women diverge, a common female response is to get the man into line through gentle “reminders” that are oft repeated as the male fails to comply. No small part of it is males’ ego which doesn’t want to be bossed around.
And let’s face it, there are gender differences and individual difference that make us all different from our spouses. How we deal with those differences is what makes our relationship positive or negative. I will hold that men tend to be a little more laid back concerning household issues.
“There’s not a minute of our lives should stretch
Without some pleasure now.”—
W.S., Antony and Cleopatra, I.I.46
[QUOTE]
Why do you women care so much more than we do?
[QUOTE]
Because human offspring are born unable to feed, clean and defend themselves. To enable the species to survive, women have a biological drive to take care of things.
This is pretty elementary, I’m a bit ashamed that it took me a couple of days to articulate it for this thread.
Women need to be nurturing, it’s biologically necessary and thoroughly imprinted. I think it’s the nature of the male of the species, and the structure of communication within the species, that turns nurturing into nagging.
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
– Emo Phillips
Okay, Mr.Zambezi. I give up. Let’s just agree to disagree.
But I’ll leave you with this (in Pit fashion, of course): Women see gentle reminders as just that, if immature men see it as nagging, then…Waaaaahhhhhh! Grow up, get over it and start being responsible for yourself or find an equally lazy, sloppy woman who’ll put up with you.
I’ll go to my grave knowing that I’M not a nag. Just ask my fiance. He’s so damn lucky to have me. I rule! :patting myself on the back:
So, dew] if your man doesn’t see your constant gentle reminders as just that, he is immature. But if it were pointed out to you that your gentle remainders are in fact very annoying, you shouldn’t have to change…because you are simply right.
Interesting philosophy: “I am right and if you don’t recognize it, it is only because you are too immature.”
Oddly enough, my first wife made the same argument when I caught her cheating on me. She said that mature men aren’t bothered by it. I obviously do not like your logic.
And if you think that your huisband is going to tell you that you are a nag…bwaaaa haaa haaaa aaaa, snort, snort. Yeah, and he’ll tell you when you are getting crows feet and a little pudge belly too.
Jett, I think you are right. You get a cigar too. …oops, you really shouldn’t be smoking a cigar though. Maybe a flower.
Mr.Z, to quote everything wrong with what you just said, would take me all day.
My fiance and I are both very easygoing people that like things done in similar ways. We both (equally) take out the trash, wash the dishes, clean the house, do the shopping, and are always perfectly honest about everything. We’ve never had a fight since we’ve been together. Jealous much?
I’m not saying that I’m “right” and he’s immature if he doesn’t believe that I’m “right”. But I will say that maybe we just got lucky when we found each other. We are so similar that there’s never a problem with “nagging”. Maybe it’s because we’re both Libras–who knows?
Wow Dewaholic, I’m a libra too, maybe libras just naturally form healthier relationships. . .
Oh I can’t wait to tell my sister that. “I’m sorry your husband thinks you are a nag and you don’t get along with him, but it is only because you are a tauras.”
That wasn’t supposed to sound so damn sarcastic.
“I celebrate myself, and sing myself, and what I assume you shall assume, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.” --Whitman
I was JOKING alphagene, sheesh. Can’t even play with stereotypes now, can I?
By the way, women aren’t necessarilly nags, not men aren’t happy when nagged, and the moon isn’t made of green cheese. 
I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.
SinsApple, When I told people my fiance was a Libra, too, they thought we were doomed because we were too similar. But it’s working out great!
God help your sister’s husband! Taureans can be so bullheaded. 
In my house, I’m the woman, but I’m not the nag, my husband is. Don’t believe me?
Topics I’m usually nagged on:
#1 Leaving mail on the kitchen table
#2 Clean your room (well the guest room that’s filled with all of my books)
#3 Leaving shoes in the living room
Now, would I make those up?
The bottom line is that I’m apparently:
–Lazy
To me, nagging is a person’s (male or female) to handle those of us who are well, unmotivated. The theory is that by repeating a request, the receiver will magically turn into a motivated, upstanding individual. My mom tried it and it didn’t work and now my husband is at it.
By the way, these are my favorite replies:
#1 I really, really wish I cared about (insert nag topic here) since I can tell (topic) is really important to you.
#2 Of the two of us, which one would you say is happier? (the answer is always obvious in our case, the implication of the question being “What is my motivation to become more like you?”)
I think relationships with a nag can work as long as you can remain calm and retain a sense of humor.
–Jif
Ahhh, Jiff, we wre soul mates! I like your responses. Oddly, my wife, is guilty of the three big sins that you are guilty of. The difference is that I don’t care enough to nag. The study is always festooned with books and papers, the house filled with catalogs, and her clothes piled at the foot of the bed. But it just doesn’t bother me.
I have tried both responses, but unless my behavior changes, well, the buzzer keeps going off.
After several knock down drag out fights over this, I have resigned myself to simply let it get to me less and have a sense of humor about it. Though, being a Sagittarius, It is tough to do this.
We are not, and there’s nothing you can say to convince me otherwise.
Cher3,
Oh yeah? Well…Oh wait a minute. I’m a Libra. I don’t fight. I’ll just cower over here in the corner. :typed while in the fetal position:
Neil, Neil, orange peel!
So is someone on this thread SweetPDC1@aol.com?
Whatever a woman is nagging about at the moment is not what’s really on her mind. Unless she is a TOTAL control freak (and they’re out there), all women seem to have a constant need to be validated, accepted, taken seriously by men. They need our attention. The nagging is just a vehicle to gain that acceptance. A woman will rarely, if ever, say EXACTLY what’s on her mind, which is why they are so damn difficult to understand. The best way to respond to nagging is to give her your full attention and affection; although this could backfire in a Pavlovian way. Maybe I don’t know why women nag, after all.
Still confused in California,
Boomer 
Mr Zambezi - Interesting name. Your profile doesn’t give me a clue where you are from, but to me, your name gives me an idea. Zambezi is a popular name in East/South Africa. Am I close? This might seem to indicate that you may have a cultural difference. I could be wrong.
However, there is a difference here. Nearly all of the women I know do not “nag” for nagging’s sake. They “nag” because men do not listen, or if they DO listen, they choose not to respond.
What are they “nagging” about?
Pick your clothes up = translated "I have to wash, fold, (sometimes) iron them, the least you can do is scrape your dirty undewear off the wall where you threw it.
Put the toilet seat down = translated “the last time I went into the bathroom to pee, I discovered just how cold the water is and bruised my back. If I had done this to you, you would be looking for some kind of workman’s comp. Why don’t you be a little more kind and remember that I’m a part of the household too?”
hold the door open = translated (this is a tuffie) “I’m carrying 6 bags of YOUR food into the house while you have two bags which have a couple items. I cannot open the door with the 1/4 inch of fingers I have free.”
DebiJ
“If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research, would it?”
<font size=+1 face=“times new roman”> I know this is way late in the game and no one is going to read this. So much the better, as I am going to put my uneducated WAG in here.
I elect to believe that women nag for the same reason that men get weekend warrior syndrome.
It’s because we don’t have anything to struggle against, really. The struggle to survive is such a fundamental factor of the human condition that when it’s taken away, we go a little nuts and need to make up things to bitch about.
We don’t know what to do with ourselves since life is so easy. So we make it hard to keep ourselves sane. We make up all kinds of stuff to agonize over so that we can think that life is still a struggle, that we are really and truly living; when in reality, most of us are merely existing.
So women nag, attempting to control every aspect of their (and usually everyone’s lives that are involved in theirs) which of course is impossible.
And men attempt to do all kinds of assinine things, from building dog-houses to rebuilding engines or computers or whatever.
Either that, or the man chills out, realizing that the reason life is so easy is because of all the things his forefathers did. And he knows that all the little things in life are not worthy of freaking out over.
I’m sorry ladies. But it’s a man’s world and maybe always will be. I hope not, cuz I’m all for fem lib, but until you stop fretting about shit like the toilet paper not being on the holder like a little fuckin’ girl with a skinned knee, and start worrying about why most of you get paid less for the same work and other such bullshit as that ilk, you will be forever be doomed to bitch about all kinds of things while men run the world.
Although I must say that I know what the world would be like without men… A bunch of fat happy women and no crime.
I see how some of what I have written can be construed as misogynistic. Such was not my intent, I only want to point out that maybe women should concentrate on more important things. Like the suffragettes before you.
Noonch.
how did it start? well i don’t know i just feel the craving. i see the flesh and it smells fresh and it’s just there for the taking…
VvvV
After reading through this tread I have come to one conclusion… I am not the wife, I am the husband and my hubby is the nag, at least as far as all the stereotypes are concerned.
and on some level I thought that I was happy…geez thanks guys…
Deb, first of all, I am not from S.Africa. I am from New York an d live in Colorado.
Actually my name is not after that great river that runs through Zaire and Zambia (though thse countries are beautiful) but rather from the Monty Python couple of that name. (Mrs. and Mr. And Mrs.Zambezi? Oh, I need a new brain.)
Second, you said:
What women constitute as listening, differs greatly from what men do. It is a gender difference. My wife chooses (yes cooses to concentrate on those tiny things in life that matter most to her, and not to me. I listen about many things. But those things that I deem to be insignificant, I choose not to pay attention to. I am too worried about careeer and finances to worry about the seat being down or up.
Since I started this post, I have made an effort to assign importance to those things which she finds important. I dont agree, but I have aquiesced (sp?). And the difference has been amazing.
Bottom Line: They are important to her. I can’t change what is important to her, and recognizing that those thing are important validates her.
“The robbed that smile,
Steal something from the thief.” —WS, Othello I.III.204