Correct. After 20 years he’s not “reading your mind.” At that point, you’ve hit him upside the head with the truth stick a million times, because truth is what guys respond to.
[QUOTE=purple haze]
All of you guys chiming in to say that I’m a whiny, pain in the ass that says one thing and means another, you have GOT to be kidding me. It’s not about the money. We may have been on a strict budget the month of my birthday, but that doesn’t mean that you do absolutely nothing. It was my 40th birthday. You have your opinion and I have mine, but I’m not posting to some online forum and criticizing YOU for your opinions. If you don’t agree with me, that’s no reason to call me names.
We’ve been together for over 20 years - it’s not too hard for him to “read my mind”. Assuming that he has no idea that I would want at least a card and a paperback book is idiotic. Come on, now. I’m the one that organizes the parties for everyone else; even in the leanest of years, cake, singing, dinner at home, and a few small packages are a family tradition. The reason I even posted about this is because it’s not normal behavior.
[/QUOTE]
Oh come off it. You told him not to get you anything because money was tight and he listened to you. Then you got mad about it? Please. With regards to the birthday, you were very clearly in the wrong. It doesn’t matter what you do for others on their birthdays. You told him not to do something and he didn’t do it. You do not have the right to get mad about it.
“You do not have the right to get mad about it.”
I was going to agree with some of the snarky stuff until I saw this.
You absolutely have the right to feel any goddamn way you want to.
I agree that “don’t get me anything, money is tight” means “don’t get me anything, money is tight.” However I can see how an afterthought song and crappy cake sucks for the person who buys thoughtful gifts and makes the special dinner and cake for everyone else. I’m not huge about birthdays but my understanding is that the -0 birthdays are semi-milestone ones? Not big ones like turning 1, 18 (21 in the US?) or 100, but generally considered a bit more special.
There’s lots of free stuff anyone can do to make their partner feel special on their birthday. I bet if the OP’s husband had said happy birthday in the morning, told her she was beautiful, he loved her and was sorry he couldn’t afford a gift this year, then given her a massage or run her a bubble bath, there wouldn’t have been any complaints (although purple haze, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong!)
My sympathies, purple haze. As a guy, your posts have me wondering if I’ve ever done anything like your husband did that made my wife feel like you did. I don’t think so … but that doesn’t mean no. In any case, I hope you’re feeling better and that your talk with your husband goes well.
[QUOTE=China Guy]
Ya know, as a pretty insensitive and clueless guy, even *I * know that “don’t get me anything for my 40th birthday” is not the *literal truth * from whatever diety you may believe in. Jesus fucking christ you have to be a complete and total narcissitic dorkwad to believe that someone wants absolutely zero on their birthday.
[/QUOTE]
That’s what I want, which I’ve said in no uncertain terms for five years, and every year I get annoyed when people get me things anyway. If someone ever tells me they want nothing, then nothing is what they’re getting, because a) I’m going to assume they mean what they say (outlandish concept, I’m sure) and b) if they don’t, I’m damn well not going to reward that behaviour. Say what you mean. It’s not difficult.
I could tell my husband and family not to get me gifts until I was blue in the face, and it wouldn’t stop them. So I don’t, because there’s no point. I also know that when my father says he doesn’t want anything for Christmas, it’s complete and utter BS, because he gets more excited about opening presents than anyone I’ve ever met. I see how it would be hard for someone who was raised in a “I don’t want anything this year” gift extravaganza household would have trouble finding middle ground with someone from a background where holidays weren’t a big deal and gift giving was seen as less important. In my experience it seems like it’s a family culture thing as much as a gender thing.
Yeah, you probably should’ve been more accurate in expressing your wishes, but usually people iron out that kind of communication problem by living together for years. If I thought it was an honest mistake, I wouldn’t be angry, but if I thought he knew and just didn’t feel like getting something, I probably would.
The thing I think is weird is the MIL giving your daughter twice as much money as your son. What the hell is that about? My father’s family had a history of treating the grandsons better than the granddaughters when we were growing up, and my mother would’ve had a fit if they’d shown any disparity that overt.