Why bother playing the game? -or- A very-geeky-online-gaming rant

The BBQ Pit
1

I play a goodly amount of Unreal Tournament. It’s what I do to relax after work. Heck, I even bought a dual-output video card so I could set up an extra monitor so that Microbug could watch- she really likes to watch me play, too. Hey, what more could a guy ask for, right?

Anyway, I’m pretty good. Strike that- I’m very good. I often get accused of using an aimbot. An aimbot, for those of you who aren’t anywhere near as geeky as I am, is a program aid- also known as a cheat- that allows superhuman accuracy in first-person shooters. The simplest form of this sort of thing just aims for you- all you have to do is move and press the fire button, and you’ll hit every time. The more advanced programs navigate for you, and are designed to circumvent the very anti-cheat programs that have been written to defeat aimbots!

I mean, really- why bother playing?

The past couple of months, there’s pretty much always been at least one player using an aimbot. Generally, they aren’t too blatant about it- they use it for a while, then stop as people start accusing them of cheating. It’s annoying, but that’s about it- and there’s not much that can be done about it, but to bitch at them 'til they stop it, or leave the server.

The past two days, though… the cheaters have just taken over. It’s gotten so bad that as soon as I appear in the world, I’m dead. Kinda takes the fun out, you know? Last night I came this close to just uninstalling Unreal Tournament.

So listen up, you cockslobbers- if you want to fucking play, play the damn game. If you want to be better than you are, just elephantfelching practice- take your lumps like everyone else had to! If you want to just ruin the game for everyone else, may I humbly suggest you anally insert the keyboard and the mouse, then try to play. After all- an aimbot does all the work for you, right?

2

Part of the reason I haven’t gotten into online games is that it does not seem to be about playing, just about winning. I play games for enjoyment, to relax. I’m not obsessive about many of them and not willing to be obsessive. However, 99.9% of the online gaming community IS obsessive, and “DJ FRAGL33T” has to crush and dominate everyone in his sight, preferably while yelling “SUCK IT UP BITCH!!! PWNED!” I don’t care enough to optimize my keybinds and memorize the stats of every weapon in the game while knowing every pixel of every map. DJ FRAGL33T has done all that and more, and yes, is probably cheating. That’s not fun for me, and it obviously means more to him than it does to me, so I’ll happily concede that arena to him and stay offline, playing solo games.

It doesn’t help that DJ FRAGL33T is either 14 years old or acts like he is, which makes it all the more annoying.

3

i dont know diddly about online gaming, but i know exactly how you feel. i used to go to the laser-tag emporuim in the big city i used to live in. you would pay you way into this sweat-box and end up playing with a bunch of GEEKS who had the laser-tag equivilent of nuclear bombs and M-16’s. they would kill you around corners fer-crim-iny-sakes! it was totally pointless, you were always dead. you cant reason with these assholes, either. after one bad experiance that left my 10 year old buddy in tears (this was his BIG DAY OUT!) i was moved to violence. this geek with full auto blast laser was following me around and killing me the instant the vest pack re-activated. finally, i gave the guy a full-on straight arm to the throat, pinning him into a corner. i forced his laser into his mouth until my pack activated and then shot him. i kept shooting every time he came alive (which was half as long as normal!) he wiggled free and took off running, shouting and crying like a little girl. kept yelling “thats not fair!” i pursued his sorry ass like a bloodhound chasing a convict, shooting all the time! after the game was over, he hauled ass out of there, i never saw him again.
not proud of what i did, but it had to be done! bought the kid a motorcycle and never played laser-tag again!

4

Oh, for the days when I’d find a Facing Worlds server, get the sniper rifle, hop up on top of our tower, and spawnkill until I ran out of ammo.

Well, I was doing it to my coworkers, so it was okay. :wink:

5

Y’all need geek housemates. With three (four with the laptop) computers all networked together in-house, who needs to dial into an arena? Lately the bunch of us have been hooked on Serious Sam, which gives you the options of playing against each other, with each other, or just going on a kill-fest where there are no annoying monsters or secrets or treasures - it’s just one big arena where all you do is blow each other up; repeatedly. Great fun! But after a while it gets boring, so we go back into the regular game, play cooperatively, and blow up meaningless monsters; repeatedly (especially when on tourist mode).

Esprix

6

I’d be far more interested in doing online gaming if there was some mechanism that denied anyone under, say, 21 to play.

7

Lightnin’, I know exactly what you mean.

Here’s how you defeat the Aimbot assheads. Or, at least, this is what I did…

  1. Go out to Techsmart.com or some other online operation that sells out-of-date computers taken from bankrupt dot coms.

  2. Buy a server. Don’t spend more than a couple hundred bucks.

  3. When it arrives, load it up with Win98SE and Unreal Tournament. Nothing else.

  4. Get another IP address from your broadband provider and get hooked up to the Internet.

  5. Make the new server a dedicated UT server. Load it up with the maps you like to play. Install the mods you like. Customize the login screen. Whatever you want. Be sure that “advertise server” is checked.

  6. Go out for a few hours and have a few beers.

  7. Come back to your place. Check the server to see how many fellow UTers have logged on and are playing.

  8. When it becomes completely obvious that some jackass is using Aimbot, either punt his ass or use the server admin commands to summon all sorts of fucked-up demons and shit to kick his ass. Make sure everyone who is playing knows that this is what happens when you use Aimbot on your server.

  9. Play happily with fellow competitors. Repeat the Aimbot disciplinary protocol as necessary.

8

There’s something about the thought of the very demons of hell smacking one of those idiots around.

I gave up UT online (I still play “practice sessions” against AI bots from time to time) for the very reasons you mention. I love that game, it’s the best deathmatch type game I’ve ever played, but too many idiots play it.

My honor is my life. I never cheat.

Incidentally, have you ever tried a… what’s the word…
Game Cafe, of sorts? They run a LAN, and you show up and pay for time (it’s usually fairly cheap). No one can cheat, the games and mods are already installed, and lag is almost nonexistant. Some of the best CounterStrike I’ve ever played I’ve played at my local place, Triangle Gaming Zone. Just a thought.