Let me start by saying this isn’t really a thread meant to complain about my life. I’ll be the first to admit I have less to complain about than almost anyone. I have a stable job that pays well; I get to pursue hobbies and activites that I like; I’m healthy and happy; and I feel lucky everyday to have an amazing wife and awesome son (who just turned 7 months old). In all honestly, I live a pretty charmed life…though is it really charmed if you’ve worked hard to make it that way for yourself? In any case, I’m a fortunate guy. I know that.
But that being said, I sometimes feel like all this business of being a responsible and productive member of society is a real drag. I have plenty of duties at work and home that force me to be accountable and reliable all the time, or shit will fall apart. And it’s even more extreme lately; now that there’s a completely dependent and helpless person in my house, it occurs to me that I’m officially “on call” 24/7/365. Blowing off my responsibilities is not an option, even for a little bit. Sure, I can go have some “me time” for a few hours here or there…but the weight of being an adult is always there, informing my every decision, keeping me grounded. I can’t forget my duties, and I have to act like a grown-up all the time. sigh
Some days, I just wish I didn’t have to wake up before dawn, didn’t have go to work, didn’t have to cook dinner…didn’t have to do anything. Part of me (a big part on some days) just wants to sit around the house, play video games, eat Doritos, and wallow in my own filth. It’s funny, because even back when I had no real responsibilities, I never acted that way. I’ve always been motivated to be useful and productive, even if it’s just a product of knowing what’s good for me. And I don’t actually think that being a sloth would make me happy in the long run. But from time to time, there is a definite lure in being useless to everybody, counted on by no one, and just generally a total waste of oxygen.
I know the occasional desire to be free of the daily grind and “real life” isn’t a terribly unique sentiment. (That’s why this share counts as both mundane and pointless.) I’m sure everyone saddled with responsibility has escapist fantasies. Mine don’t involve “getting away” as much as “going nowhere” and being totally lazy. Of course some people manage to pull that off with alarming success…98% of the time I think of them with a mixture of pity and contempt. But every so often, I’m secretly a little jealous.
If you find yourself feeling this way from time to time, I’d like to hear about it. And if you think I’m a spoiled asshole who should stop whining until he has real problems, than I suppose I want to hear that, too. Otherwise why would I post this on a public message board, right?