There’s already only one of me. That ought to be good for some price inflation right there. 
Yeah, but Honest Dougie will take a cheque too, if anybody in the English-speaking world (other than Americans) wants to own a Canadian. Hey, as long as he makes a sale and gets his money, he’s not picky.
I feel honour bound to say that Honest Dougie is not the only dealer in town, be sure to check out Honest Mikey, Bobbie, Geordie, Timmy, Thommie, Gary, Jerry, Petey, Paulie, Gordie, Geoffie, Marky, Howie, Johnnie, Charlie, Stevie, Scottie, Billie, Eddie, Freddie, and Jacques.
Sorry, man. I guess you haven’t kept up. Paulie was indicted for fraud, Timmy for tax evasion. Mikey and Bobbie, after a long and bitter feud, discovered their love for each other, closed their Canadian shops and opened a puppy mill. Gary was caught trying to smuggle Mexicans inside Canadians, Jacques was caught shrink wrapping factory seconds and selling them as new, and both were nailed because Thommie turned informant against them and subsequently had to be enrolled in witness protection. Geordie was attacked and killed by a small Chihuahua, his assets liquidated by the province for lack of a valid will, and Marky was killed in a bizarre self-serve Slush Puppie dispenser accident. At least, dental records say it was Marky. Stevie became addicted to antihistamines, Freddie to bacon. The former is in rehab and may return; the latter took up pig farming and was last seen eating his stock on the hoof. Jerry is embroiled in a land dispute with a local notary public, who claims that the plot of land Jerry’s store occupies was quite literally shipped over from Ireland by his great, great, great grandparents and declared sovereign. Unfortunately, he’s not getting any help from the government because they won’t get involved in foreign land disputes and can’t be bribed because the current exchange rates have rendered his assets completely worthless. Petey is in the hospital for swallowing his own arm on a dare. They may have to amputate. Speaking of amputation, Scottie got a double glutectomy – a procedure so rare it had yet to be given a proper -ectomy name, and which I humbly submit a suggestion for here – and due to a tragic chart mix-up, Johnnie was sent for a clitoridectomy. Both went about as well as could be expected. Eddie, overwhelmingly buoyed at the dwindling competition for business and displaying a ridiculous lack of situational awareness, spontaneously performed a gleeful leap of joy while in the middle of being robbed at gunpoint. He is presently in a coma. Geoffie is routinely beaten up because his name is Geoffie, and is considering selling the business to go into seclusion inside an Alpaca’s anus. Howie and Charlie are figments of each other’s imagination. Billie … well, Billie’s about the only one left who’s sane, living, still conscious and remarkably – some might say suspiciously – free of enemies. If it wasn’t for her foul-mouthed Tourette’s she’d probably snag all the business.
I swear, you turn your back on these people and all hell breaks loose. I guess the best toboggan slopes will be less crowded this summer.
We only look bland on the outside.
Who needs to import, they are migrating on their own making capture easier.
I live 20 minutes from the border and Timmy’s are sprouting like weeds. This is a good thing, great would be for Beer Stores to start spawning too.
Here at Crazy Eddie’s we are slashing prices on Snow Backs! That’s right, walk out of our lot with your very own with our introductory rate, low low financing and zero down. We even have the new 2007 drunk edition called Snow Ploughed.
Minefield, I didn’t see any of that stuff on the news here in Florida, although it was fascinating and I enjoyed it.
Damn it, MINDFIELD, not Minefield.
Kinda hijacky: the Dr. Laura fan references Leviticus Ch 11, and I decided for once to read the whole context. But I come away more confused than enlightened.
Levit gets a little murky when breaking down which creatures are unclean and/or an abomination, and seems to have particular acrimony towards creepers.
What fowls have four legs? If he’s including wings as forelegs, what bird “creeps” around on his wings? I know some of them drag their wings behind them, but is that the same as creeping?
The ones that have all four feet (or their legs and wings) above their heads are OK to eat, so I guess we target the birds that fly upside down.
And I guess it’s OK to eat insects as long as they’re cannibals. But stay away from those creepers. Better avoid lurkers, shamblers, and limbo dancers too, just in case.
What about lurking, shambling, *Canadian *limbo dancers?
Perhaps the griffin would go well on a barbecue.
Ooh! Barbecued Griffin. Prime rib and wings!
Well of course not – you think our media wants to leak stuff like that across the border? You’ll think we’ve all gone nuts and then nobody will want Canadians anymore. Have you any idea what that would do to the economy?
Shush. You want them cracking us open to get at our bright, savory filling?
Knowed Out:
The original Hebrew helps a lot. It doesn’t really mean specifically “fowl” but “flying/winged creatures”. Specifically, here, it’s referring to insects. Those which use their legs for simple walking are forbidden. Those which have specialized legs higher than some of the other legs for the purpose of jumping, and those permitted types of animals are listed in the next verse you quote. “After its kind,” by the way, means “and other of its kind.” Like for example, saying “the cow and its kind” would include, say, buffalo.
See, now that’s a lot clearer.
How much of our problems are due to bad translations?
Hippogriff – n – A creature that is half horse and half griffin. The griffin, in turn, is a creature half lion and half eagle. The Hippogriff is therefore one-quarter Eagle, which is $2.50. The study of biology is full of surprises.
– Ambrose Bierce
The Devil’s Dictionary.
(It helps if you know that “Eagle” was turn of the Century slang for a $10 gold piece. The study of biology is full of surprises.)
Hey now! I’ll happily admit to being easy, but if there’s one thing I ain’t, it’s cheap.
Hrmph.
[QUOTE=CalMeacham]
Hippogriff – n – A creature that is half horse and half griffin. The griffin, in turn, is a creature half lion and half eagle. The Hippogriff is therefore one-quarter Eagle, which is $2.50. The study of biology is full of surprises.
– Ambrose Bierce
The Devil’s Dictionary.
QUOTE]
I lost my copy of that somewhere. I’m surprised it didn’t turn up on the dictionary thread a few weeks back.
A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Randy stops him and asks, “Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?”
“Well, I got it for my wife, you see?” answers Dave.
“Wow,” exclaims Randy, “Great trade.”
Well, we can’t eat them, but they can be our slaves.
I always wondered about those statues at the CN Tower… 
