Why do I have an 11 x 4 inch bruise on my side?

Because I was a dumbass and got up on a ladder before my anesthesia totally wore off after my sedation dental visit yesterday. photos of the bruise from hell

And the purple color really sets off my stretch marks so nicely!

So what is the stupidest injury you have given yourself?

I tore off my kneecap trying to do a split. I cant do a split.

Broke both of my arms when I got my feet caught in a newspaper tie. :eek: (The things one does to prevent injury to the face.)

Um… what, were you doing it upside down? And when you say “off”… do you mean OFF!!! :::fainting dead away::::

Broke both of my arms when I got my feet caught in a newspaper tie. :eek: (The things one does to prevent injury to the face.)

  1. Gashed the bridge of my nose while moving a ladder. I forgot about the taping knife I’d laid on top of it. D’OH!

  2. 2nd degree burns covering my right arm/hand and leg while trying to burn some trees. Don’t ask.

  3. Hi Opal.

I ran into a wall and split open my eyebrow.

Which actually I think makes the top part of my head look cooler. But god it was embarassing at the time.

The concussion I got while running away some a small spider was embarassing too… Along with the very minor burns I got while making a flamethrower to kill another spider. (Stay up wind of flaming fluid)

After holding a small, intimate, refined dinner party, with much wine (on top of Paxil, which meant I was really really quite drunk), I felt the burning NEED to skateboard. Broke my arm. Dinner fork break (broken bone slips down, giving the wrist the profile of a fork) of the radius. I went to A&E (the ER) but as I had consumed alcohol, they couldn’t give me anaesthetic necessary to set the break. So they bandaged it up, sent me home with painkillers, and told me to come back the next morning. I was working in a bar at the time,and I got damn good at pulling pints one handed.

I frequently walk into/through the corners of tables, so there’s usually a bruise on my thigh someplace. Only a 2"×1" bruise though, nothing as big as the OpalBruise.

Did Weller shots from a boda bag on the last run of the day then sliced the side of my head with my ski coming down a black. Got 7 stitches with no local. Coulda fooled me.

That night I snorted a jello shot through a straw and removed the stitches with my toenail clippers.

Man, I used to party.

When I was a kid, I was a walking litany of stupid injuries. The weirdest one was when I nearly ripped off my last two toes trying to get away from the vacuum cleaner. I jumped up on the rung of a barstool, only to have my foot slip off…except for the last two toes, which stayed on. Bled like a stuck pig and it left a jagged scar on the underside of my toes.

I also tripped on my shoelace and hit my temple on the corner of a stair, knocking me unconscious and giving me a hella black eye. Another time I jumped off a swing and hit my ankle on the bar, shattering that little bump you have (it never came back so I only have one)

There are many more, just as stupid! Why, just a couple of years ago I got my nose broken in a bar fight.

Oh, damn, what haven’t I done?

The neighbor kid and I decided to play a baseball-type game with darts and a length of 1x4. He was about 18, I was several years and many beers older. We believed the darts would stick in the board when the batter swung. No, they didn’t. I lobbed the first pitch and ended up with a dart stuck in my left bicep. Off to get a tetanus shot.

Later that summer, I was carrying some knitting in a plastic bag. I tried to open my kitchen door with the same hand that was holding the bag. Did I mention there was a step up to this door? As I stepped up the knitting needles in the bag became wedged (hard) between the door frame and my thigh. Looked as if I’d tangled with a rattler. No tetanus booster needed, thanks to my stupidity earlier in the year.

Cracked my nose open and barely missed taking out my eye with a prybar at work.

I was prying something, the prybar slipped, and “thwack!!” Boy, was it loud. Next thing I know, my stall neighbor’s eyes are wide open as he sees the blood gushing out of my face.

But it only took 4 stitches. I can barely see it now.

You all know the great Elly moment with the automatic door for the handicapped… walked right into the corner of it as it began swinging shut and fractured my skull.

The ER docs know me by my first name and usually greet me with “What have you done this time?”