Yeah, a lame topic, but considering yesterday after falling off a footstool and careening into the unfinished side of a countertop (rough wood) I gave my leg quite a wallop. It only hurt for a moment, but today, it’s bigger than my hand and really purple.
I’m considering charging a price to drop my pants so everyone can look at it and go " Eweee"
It’s fun to show off how big your bruise is… 
My biggest bruise took over a month to heal. I slipped on the ice when I was fourteen and landed on my left knee. It turned the entire thing (about the size of a coaster) black and purple. I think I must have hurt the cartilage, because I still get a dull aching there sometimes.
I “blocked” a slap shot in a game one time that caught my inner thigh, right between my knee/shin guards and the hockey pants padding. I remember thinking in mid-stride “Oh, that’s gonna hurt tomorrow…”
Tomorrow came and I had a bruise with more shades of black, blue, purple, and red that was 8 inches across and circular in shape.
God, I love this game!
<in Rene Russo’s voice, from Lethal Weapon 3> Ha! That’s nothing! You shoulda seen the one I had from that car accident in '80. My entire right leg, on the front, from my hip to my ankle, was one solid bruise for more than 2 weeks. Man, you shoulda seen all the pretty colors! No serious damage done, though. Sigh.
Well, this story could have gone several places, like “Stupidest thing you or I have ever done”
Anyway, young (just turned 15), stupid, and in love. This guy had just asked me to be his girlfriend. He asked me to go biking with a group of people. Problem: the only bike I had access to had no brakes. :eek: But I was young, stupid and in love, so I decided I could make do with the bike with no brakes. The group biked around the area and I did just fine, until we came to a hill. Of course we were at the top of the hill. And of course, the road took a sharp right turn at the bottom of the hill. Well, I don’t know if it was the bottom of the hill, because there was a fence and a bunch of shrubs there. Nope, didn’t make the turn. The bike hit the fence & my torso hit the handlebars. The bruise pretty much went from the bottom of my neck to between (and on the top of ) my breasts.
Ain’t love grand. 
When I was younger, say, 10 or 11, I was playing on a T-Bar gym set. I was standing on one of the steps sideways, when my feet slipped off the wet bar. I slung my weight to one side to save my package (I was young, but I knew the pain), and skidded to a stop along my inner left thigh. It was a huge oval about 8 x 4 inches, deep purple and black on the inside moving to blue, red, yellow, and all other shades as it came out. Sweet Moses did it ever hurt.
–Tim
As I recall, her name was Regina.
My shower has an outcropping that’s supposedly for soap, but it’s never used and just ends up getting in the way. I slipped in the shower one bleary morning and caught myself squarely in the side of the thigh on one of its corners. I had a nice fist-sized bruise that went through a rainbow of interesting colors before finally disappearing about a month and a half later.
Now, if we’re talking about injuries that break the skin, I have other stories. =)
Not exactly a bruise, but I once slipped and banged my knee into a marble bathtub. My knee swelled up so badly I couldn’t wear jeans for three days.
I attended my high school’s Senior Prom as a Junior invited by this senior. She was a big girl and at the end of the evening, we were fooling around on her roof and she gave me a hickey the size of Toledo. It covered one half of my neck and it was purple. To top it all off, this unlucky bastard had to go to lifeguard class the next day. Nothing to cover the unseemly purple monster on my neck. <<<Shiver>>>
A co-worker of mine went water-skiing last summer. At a high rate of speed, he unintentionally dismounted(I.E.-the poor bugger let go).
Well, surface tension being what it is, hit him like a brick wall. On monday, he had a bruise that extended from his right shoulder to the middle of his thigh(and he couldn’t wait to show all of us guys :))!
Of course the grossness factor was increased about 10-fold when it started turning yellow and fading away…
During the ground phase of Desert Storm, I got hit with a ricochet in the chest. Wearing bofy armor thank God! The impact knocked me back into a radio rack so i ended up with a bruise that covered my whole chest, sides and back. Such fun.
First of all, I have very weird blood and when
I bleed, it’s spectacular. Kinda like hemophilia.
I once tripped and landed on my right side on
top of my purse. My entire right rib cage
swelled up and turned purple. I’m just glad
the purse was there. I walked around in a daze
for about an hour after it happened.
I’m always bruised, and half the time don’t
even know what from.
The outside of my right leg, from my toes, to above my waist.
I achieved this baby by…<insert drum roll music>… falling off a cliff. yup… chase a volleyball right off a cliff in truely Wiley E. Coyote fashion. I even remember looking down at the road coming up to meet me and thinking “this is going to hurt”.
Timing was also good… I did this on the 2nd day of my freshman orientation for college. 3 weeks learning a new campus on crutches. Room on the 4th floor… no elevator, and no air conditioning.
and to think, my mother says I’m accident prone
btw… I still had most of the bruise 3 months later.
I had gone to a blood testing drive set up to find a marrow match for this one guy with leukemia. Happy ending there- a match was found (not me) and he’s fine now. It only required one or two test tubes of blood, but whoever pricked my arm screwed up.
About 10 minutes after leaving the clinic, I had this huge lump on the inside of my elbow- honestly, it looked like my elbow got turned around to the other side of my arm. I was freaked out - it just looked so wrong! This bloomed into a lovely colourful bruise that lasted for a few weeks, covering my right arm from my wrist to my shoulder. Funny, though, it didn’t hurt at all. All of the sympathy and none of the pain! Sigh, the good old days.
During warm ups before a game in high school one of my own team hit me in the back of the knee with a slap shot while I was clearing pucks from the net.
The puck hit me edge on and then flipped up and struck me again flat. I had a really dark band shaped bruise in the middle of a round puck shaped bruise. It kinda looked like Saturn.
Mine was similar to Corvidae’s.
I donated blood one day. The next, I went to softball practice. The day after that, I had a bruise from my wrist to my elbow. It took a month to fade.
I went to an urgent care clinic, where I was basically told to apply heat to help break down the blood. But a couple of months later, I got a report from Blue Cross/Blue Shield that they billed me for a whole lot of other things on other dates. It turned out that this clinic was doing a lot of insurance fraud, and figured that most people wouldn’t notice. Glad I didn’t need any actual treatment from them; who knows what they would’ve done.
In a high school basketball game…
A teammate shot a 3 pointer from the corner. I was standing at the top of the 3 point line. When he shot it, I knew it was going to be short, so I went tearing down the lane for the rebound, with my intention to take off from about 7 feet away, grab the ball and then dunk it, all while in the air. This was a nice idea in theory.
I handled the running part fine. And the jump was also well done. In fact, I have now sailed about five feet in the air and have just grabbed the ball. Perfect timing, easy catch, and I am now setup for an absolutely monstrous dunk that would have been quite the bragging point. Unfortunately, at that time, the opposing teams point guard came into the lane to go for the ball, without realizing that I was in the air. My feet hit his shoulders, which resulted in stopping my soaring and rendering me more along the lines of a wingless eagle. I hit the ground at full speed square on my back. This resulted in a bruise covering my entire back, my upper arms, my butt, and nice bump on my head as a bonus.
Amazingly, I was still able to move with only a mild amount of pain. It looked a lot worse than it was.
As a child (I think about five) I had a pretty dramatic lesson in Newtonion physics.
I had taken my sandbox shovel, used a rock as a fulcrum, put another rock in the pan of the shovel, then jumped on the handle with all my weight (why I did this is anybodies guess).
Pow! right in the forehead.
The term my mom used to describe the bruise, “goose egg”, is a good indication of the size and has stuck with me for years.
Annie, you’ve got Von Willebrand’s, right? Me too. Every bruise I get, and I tend at any time to have a lot of them, is huge.
When I was in high school, I once did a flip off of my bike and landed on my face. The entire left side of my face and neck, even my ear, were black and blue - looked like I had been beaten up. My boyfriend at the time was not from that school, and not well liked by a couple of my friends - I received many, many offers to go and “teach him a lesson” that week, though at that time he was perfectly innocent. I’d feel sorry for him if it wasn’t for the fact that later on, he did hit me. ONCE.