I currently have a bruise the size of your palm on my inner left leg just above my ankle.
Dropped a table on both feet actually, a heavy table, don’t ask. Thing is, it hurt way more where it hit my right arch but I hardly got a bruise there. That spot hurt soo much I didn’t even realise I’d hurt the other leg until the bruise started to come up.
It’s a beauty, dark purple and yellow terrible icky! But, in a way, it’s like no other bruise I’ve had, and I’m a bruiser. A week later there is still some sort of big bump on the muscle (?) underneath and, very curiously it really itches. This lump and itch, a whole week later has me wondering, the itch is beginning to spread up my calf.
My worst was in a car accident. This guy decided to pull out in front of me and stop my car while it was going 55 mph. Needless to say it did stop, I went into the steering wheel. Car was a total loss. I had a bruise from the shoulder harness that extended from the top of my shoulder down across to my hip. It lasted about 2 months. The impact broke my seat loose and I also had the bruise from where the steering wheel went into my chest.
I once fell backward through a glass coffee table (don’t ask). I had huge bruises on the back of both of my thighs. Of course, two days later I had my annual exam and as I was lying on my back, my doctor said, “Whoa, what the heck happened?”. I explained, but she didn’t believe me, and asked if I was a victim of domestic abuse. It was so humiliating! But I did appreciate her concern.
Well, I once found out why Amazons were supposed to have cut off one of their breasts. I was taking an archery class and got a little careless in my stance. When I released my arrow, the bowstring caught the side of my right tit. OW! I practically curled up in a little ball right there. Had a big old yellow bruise from that one.
Same class, I made the mistake of turning my elbow out, and caught the inside of my upper left arm. Had a bruise about 4 x 6 inches that went from bright red to darkest purple and eventually faded away to green and yellow.
Other than the self-inflicted injuries, I really loved that class.
My second week in the Muay Thai club I was invited to.
I thought I was all Mr. Badass because I had been training for Kung Fu and various other stuff for a few years. So we pair off for sparring, and I end up with one of the trainer’s sons, the REAL Mr. Badass.
So we were fighting, we both tried to do a leg kick at the same time, and our shins hit each other. He barely noticed, but I was in excruciating pain. I finished out the 3 rounds and got changed and went home. After an hour I couldn’t stand on that leg. I had a swelling the size of a tennis ball on my shin, and my leg was purple from my knee to my instep. OUCH
That was in 1991, and still holds the record for worst non-gunshot wound I’ve ever had.
The biggest bruise was on my hip, when my spotter in gym class screwed up a dismount from the balance beam. About the size of my hand and many interesting colors. The other girls were very impressed–at my language.
The most interesting was from my (brief) stint as a caddy during one summer when I was about 14. I was standing quite far off to the side at the tee-off, but she had a wicked slice. It hit me right above the knee and left a perfect golf-ball-sized bruise, complete with lighter areas where the dimples in the ball hit.