(WARNING, this Is NOT NOT, NOT, NOT a “those lousy cheatin’ men” thread, I am WELL aware that not all men do this, perhaps not even most men, this thread is directed at those men who DO do this, or have done this).
No judgment here, just wondering why. And perhaps for some “self-preservation” I’d be particularly interested in those who’ve done it, and are willing to share, so as to help us poor “lookin’ for love” girls out.
For those of you that are “players”…
Why? is sex with just one woman that bad? Is sex with multiple women that great?
Also, why lie and tell women that you love them to get sex? Okay, sorry, I mean OBVIOUSLY you lie to them and tell them you love them TO get sex, but is it that hard to get women to have sex with you if you don’t trick them somehow?
What are the ways you lie and trick women in order to try and get them into bed with you?
Being a confirmed serial monogamist, I’m not qualified to answer any of your questions.
There is a thread in MPSIMS in which Bjork wants to know how to teach someone to dance. Maybe you can help her out there while you’re waiting for meaningful replies here?
I don’t “cheat” on my wife, but I had my share of experiances before I got married.
I have never lied to a woman to get her to have sex. I’m not sure I understand what your looking for here. If you think men have to “trick” women into bed, you may have a fundamental misunderstanding of the mechanics involved here.
Just a thought.
Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.
Ask the same of women who have sex with multiple men. It’s just fun I guess.
Course I don’t say this with any experience of the above. I’m strictly a one-woman man myself.
But I think you will tend to find that both men and women employ this frantic mating strategy - its more dependant on the actual person.
An often cited reason (in lots of psychology books I have read - no specifics) that men stray is that they want more “newer” sex - women apparently are always in it for the “personal connection”.
Personally I think that’s BS because I’ve known lots of men and women who do it for a variety of reasons, but draw what conclusions from it you will.
I had a boss that used to be a chronic cheater, or so he bragged. (Stupidly I might add.)
When I asked him why, he invariably came up with this phrase, “Variety is the spice of life!”
I found out much later he was a virgin when he met his wife, and had never so much as held hands with a woman before or since their marriage. Seems his variety was all in his mind, but I’ve often thought that he probably hit the nail on the head. Some guys (and gals) just like a little variation.
I also think many people are insecure in their sexuality, but have no intention of losing the security of marriage (at first). It’s the “I want to eat my cake, but gotta have it, too” thing.
Plus, the thrill of the forbidden is pretty enticing, as well. It’s probably a little bit of all of the above.
From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s in the male’s best interest to copulate with as many females as possible, to spread his genetic data far and wide. For females, it’s in their best interest to stay with one mate for a long time, for the stability of protection/provisioning he provides.
As you may imagine, the male drive and the female drive are in direct conflict.
If you think we must trick women to get them into bed, then it´s not men´s issue, but women´s.
I only cheated once. She was unkidn to me and I felt she was going to leave me or she didn´t care for me. Then I met a gril who was willing to… well, you know.
Funny thing is that my girlfriend left me even before I could tell her I´ve cheated her so I wasn´t too mistaken about her.
Flt tempeted by other women while on a relationship? surely, but if I do love a girl and expect to have something serious with her, Iwouldn´t cheat (for two reasons: love and respect).
By the way, I have never told a girl I love her if I didn´t feel it at the time.
How to trick women into bed? if you know the answer please tell me!!!
Hmm…guess all the folks that cheat are too busy shagging to comment. I haven’t, but I’ve known guys that have…and it seems to me to come down to boredom. Personally I think people in our
culture tend to equate sex with love too much…you think if you love someone then you must find them sexy. And of course after a couple of years of marriage, you find out nothing you expected turned out quite that way.
There are some people that can’t stand to do the same repetitive job day after day…so they change jobs. There are some people that simply must have a new car every 4 years, or new furniture…whatever. You could label it immaturity, or selfish or whatever else you want…what it comes down to is finding the activity/object worth the cost (or potiential cost in this case). It’s just sad that these people aren’t the only ones that have to pay.
Major hijack here: While we’re waiting for an answer from someone who knows about men who cheat, perhaps you could help me understand why women lie to get sex. I’ve been told things like: “I just want casual sex”, “I’m not asking to get married.”, “I’m not asking for commitment, let’s just sleep together and see how it goes.” Of course, they always end up wanting more, and they always did want more, including marriage and children. In other words, they bullshi**ed me. Why do women do that? Can’t they just tell the truth and save us both a lot of time and anguish?
When I was younger I remember that my hormonal urges were pretty strong. In the presence of a sexually aggressive woman who was respectful of my relationship with my SO, it was really difficult not to cheat. As you have heard before many times, from my perspective it did not mean I loved my partner less.
I have never cheated on my wife, but I did cheat on various girlfriends in my younger (smirk) years. For a while there I considered myself a sport-fucker, and shagged as much as I could get (all safe mind you, I was horny, not stupid). If this meant that I cheated a bit to get more, then so be it.
I guess I never really thought of it as cheating, as I was very selfish and self important (and strangely enough, I didn’t start off that way. A really bad relationship started that portion of my life.)
One example was the time I was dating one girl, while becoming friends/sex partners with another woman that lived in my apartment complex. I know it sounds strange, and possibly bad, but I never really saw what I was doing as cheating. I became friends with people, and then sex happened. shrugs
I don’t think I ever ‘tricked’ anyone into bed. I once fell asleep, naked, next to my girlfriends sister… I have never had Tequila since.
I do have a bit more liberal view on sex and sexuality, so my worldview is a bit left of norm. YMMV
Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I’m going to guess that it’s the same, only the opposite than for those men who DO lie to get sex and say “oh, I love you, etc”.
If a woman likes you, cares about you, is hoping that if you see how “good she is” that you’ll choose to stick around. So, she takes the gamble. Sometimes it works, the man is enchanted enough, and “bonds” with her.
If she told you the truth, that she really liked you and had feelings for you she knows you’d just blow her off, so she gambles.
Just like the man who says he loves the woman just to get sex. He knows that if he told the truth, that he just wanted sex, that he’d probably not get far (I’m still guessing here), so he takes the chance that she won’t turn into psycho stalker woman once she finds out he doesn’t really care so that he can “get some”.
IANAC and I can’t speak from personal experience, but here are a few thoughts for what they’re worth.
Question #1: Why do men want to cheat?
Could be any or all of the following reasons: Curiousity; dissatisfaction with the quality or quantity of sex he was getting from his partner; desire for variety (“the Coolidge effect”); being attracted to a particular other woman; the biological drive to spread his genes to as many offspring as possible; the ego boost of having another woman want him; hostility towards his partner and wanting to get back at or put something over on her; the sport of the “hunt.”
I suspect that most if not all men feel at least some desire at some point for some outside action, but not all act on this desire. What distinguishes those who do cheat from those who don’t? I’d guess (1) opportunity, (2) level of selfishness, and (3) degree to which they do/don’t consider it to be wrong. (Some people are brought up to think of cheating as no big deal, or even expected, while others see it as a major betrayal.)
As for why some men lie to get sex, well, I don’t know—the same reason people lie to get anything else they want, I guess. Plus I think women overestimate how easy it is for men to get sex, at least if they don’t have looks, money, and charm in abundance. It seems like men have to make all the advances and take all the risks of rejection, and we don’t always know how—or, in some cases, the only ways a man knows involve deception and trickery.
Maybe they sincerely believe it’s the truth at the time. Maybe they think they just want casual sex, but once they do the deed, they realize either that a) they like you in other ways, or b) casual sex makes them feel crappy about themselves and/or their behavior, so they try to see things in the relationship that were never part of the original deal.
I think it’s quite interesting that no fewer than 3 threads on this subject have popped up the last few days.
My personal opinion (which everyone can feel free to tear apart, go for it! I’d love it if my opinion was not reality, trust me): Men are suckers for visual excitement, and therefore, if an opportinity presents itself, they will usually act with the little head. Women, on the other hand, are excited by the concept that someone finds them attractive - not to say they’re not into the hot sex aspect of it, but I would hazard a guess that emotions play more of a role.
This says nothing good about either gender, come to think of it.
My question is why do you think that a man would have to lie in order to get a little outside action?
I am no expert, but from what I have seen, this just isn’t the case a fair percentage of the time.
One example (also one of the very few times I have ever been without a comeback)
Scene Me on the phone trying to call a buddy who is usually out of the office. RickHi is Bob in? Hottie admin assistant (HAA) No you know he’s never in. Rick Yeah I know, can you take a message? HAA Sure, I do that almost better than anything else in the whole world. Rick OK I’ll bite, what do you do better than anything else in the whole world? HAA (very matter of fact voice) Give head
:eek: Rick Ahh…
Now were I in the mood for a little action, just how much lying would have been involved to get her to bed? I guessing that all that would have been required would be 1 beer, and a suggestion that she prove her statement.
Of course YMMV
