Good one! 
I bet that after a certain age, controlling the thermostat setting might become more important than being sure you get oral sex on demand.
Don’t get me wrong, your wife seems a bit . . . frosty? (I’m not trying to be rude, but she doesn’t seem to be very interested in sex, that’s what I mean), but considering the majority of women can’t orgasm strictly from penetration. . . that might explain why she doesn’t want to have sex more frequently. As someone said in my thread on a topic similar to this, studies show that it’s a use it or lose it thing for most women- as our libidos diminish, we can either keep having sex and get back into it or not and it’s gone forever.
Also, I don’t think there’s anything less sexy smelling and tasting in the world than baby lotion, but to each their own.
I don’t think it’s so much about an “goal-oriented” attitude towards sex which comes first. (Haw, haw.) More of a necessity based on accidents of brain chemistry.
When I think of the best sex I’ve had, the common denominator has always been a woman that comes easily and frequently. I think probably any woman would opt for this disposition if volition entered into it, but it ain’t and some (most?) women just aren’t that lucky. I think it’s normal to put more emphasis on everything leading up to the orgasm, and for my part (ordinarily) most of my attention is on ways to keep that going. (Changes in position not just for variety but also to provide an opportunity to back off a bit.) Given the choice, I would prefer it if I could take it for granted that so long as things proceed according to precedent, my partner will climax from time to time, and the only thought I have to have about her orgasms is if I’m ready to let go at the same time or try for another.
When the female orgasm is uncertain (and even difficult to get to) it does cast things in a different light, and everything else sort of depends on it. I think if shhe can’t come we both sort of feel like we’ve failed, somehow. More importantly, I understand that it’s damned frustrating if you can’t get that release, so we stick with what works. Sometimes it’s better than other times, but it is often pretty routine, and I can admit that it sometimes seems to take a looong time (not that there’s often anything I’d rather be doing.)
For sure, I realize that it’s not ideal sex by any stretch. I know that I could have much better sex without too much trouble (if consequences don’t count as trouble.) My perception or estimation of sex hasn’t really changed (not that it was ever anything close to “I just want to have an orgasm”) and I don’t think that my wife’s bent can be characterized as “I just want to have an orgasm,” but I think it can be frustrating to get very worked up and then just not be able to ring the bell.
This means that there’s an element of “work” to getting down to it and it’s for damned sure not as… I don’t know the word… “spontaneous,” (I guess) and uninhibited as the sex I remember with nearly every other partner. So why on earth would I marry this one, of all people? Love, I guess. I have zero interest in sniffing around for a booty call somewhere else.
Ah, see, the best sex I’ve had wasn’t the best because it involved orgasms, it was the best because it was fun and pleasurable (in a “hmmmm…” kind of way, not in an “ohDIOSSS YES!” kind of way). The worst sex I’ve had didn’t involve orgasms, but what made it shitty was the utter lack of fun and minimum amounts of pleasure. The “hmmm…” can last for hours, vs. the few seconds of an orgasm.
Assuredly. I could not agree more.
I laughed for HOURS at that website.
We hold these truths to be self-evident. It’s probably exponentially so for a man- the male orgasm seems a bit of an anti-climax, if the various descriptions of the female orgasm (or varieties thereof) I’ve heard are anything apart from hyperbole.
I think the way the session ends may cast the “everything up to…” in a different light though. If it ends in an orgasm, you get to collapse and reflect on just how awesome the foregoing was. If the road just leads to “Okay, I’m exhausted, sore, and still frustrated,” it might be harder to focus on how nice the “everything up to” was, because AAAAAAAARGH, I CAN’T COME!
Being a guy, this is rarely a problem for me. Interruptions would be the most likely reason not to finish, but it seems trivially easy to rush to the finish if that’s all you want to do, so that doesn’t come up much. The only time I can honestly say I wasn’t able to come, was in my wild youth and a result of a little too much ecstasy. I’m pretty sure the “everything up to” was freaking awesome, but that’s not what I remember. I remember being really really frustrated.
I think when you can’t count on an orgasm (or worse, if you can count on it being really difficult to reach,) it’s normal that you place a more importance on it - because who likes to be frustrated?
OMG!!! I am new here. Originally I happened upon this forum because I too, would like to freakin know what would possess a YOUNG man (mid 30’s) to get a"GIRL FRIEND" who he claims is celibate??? when he was already seeing someone (me) who, and I quote, " was made for him", someone who he has a 3 year history with, IS NOT MARRIED TO THE GF, but has mentioned marriage to me, the one he was already seeing, yet feels he has to sidestep the gf ALREADY just months into the relationship… What is the thread that keeps him there with her, but yet when I ask is she pregnant “helllllllll no”, are you married and not telling me? NO. Do you LOVE HER? Is that what all this confusion is about?? I LOVE YOU. So I leave; initiate NC so he can see, Im almost gone, then he comes back with this BALL AND CHAIN!
The OP asks why would he marry such a female who doesn’t float his boat sexually, which inevidibly leads to cheating. It appears men do do this. I have heard about that Madonna/ Whore, but the Elvis scenario. The man has the woman on a pedistal whom he doesn’t touch sexually, but goes out and does it all with me, NOT JUST ABOUT SEX, but we walk, talk, cook, enjoy each other and know there is something crazy strong between us, so I asked him why waste your time with someone who isn’t the total package?
As for any act that pleases him or pleasures I receive being that I am a size fanatic, I believe we are a perfect match. He says he got " caught up" when sharing what bit of info he did actually share…
I think she’s trying to tell us something.
People are like “Elfie, how come you hardly drink?” and post #108 is an example of why - even song lyrics become that baffling, so I just stare into space, trying to figure them out.
But really, I do feel bad for the type of guy the OP means. I can’t understand why a woman would marry a guy she didn’t intend to sleep with. I mean, I guess maybe it’s not always premeditated, but I know that it is sometimes…my great-grandmother once asked my mother why she continued to have sex if she had as many kids as she wanted :eek:
I don’t know why they would if it was that important. The only thing I could think of they feel pressured in some way to get married and mistakenly over look the importance of it.
Cheaters suck.
Answering the OP:
Politeness.
Why do people do anything? Because they think they are “supposed to” and they don’t have or see any better alternatives.
Maybe they marry the person because they are “of age” and think that’s the best they can do (it may well be).
They may have strong family or social pressures.
Things might have started out ok but then slowly changed over years. And it’s not that easy to just uproot your life after a decade.
Ultimately it comes down to an inability to articulate what they want and not having the self esteem to believe they have the right to go after it.
Really I find the OP a bit flippant and niave. It’s sort of akin to asking why every man doesn’t marry a supermodel or every woman mary Dr Hedgefund Esq.
My non serious answer:
Let’s just say certain sexual needs are…frowned upon…legally.
This thread hasn’t been touched in a year. It probably wants to fuck its zombie brains out.
Politeness?? That doesn’t make any sense? Politeness for whom?? when just as easily you chose to be in this situation, you can get yourself out?? If you are just seeing someone you are already cheating on, why marry this person only to drag kids into your purple haze of confusion, to lose HEALTHY years of your life, turn around and realize what a waste. Then… comes the mysterious knock on the door one night…She finds out this has been going on pretty much since the relationship STARTED, but because you lie and lie and lie…(I’m getting heated, obviously), she goes into denial… then two hearts are broken. Suddenly his “Cake and Eat It TOO Syndrome” does’t seem as tasty.
Why do men torture themselves in this manner??? What is it, is she paying the rent? Got you somehow by the gonads?? Someone you NEVER could have pulled EVER in life??? This isn’t love! This isn’t even self love. It’s misery.
I agree with msSmith537 about not having the ability to “articulate what they want and not having the self esteem to believe they have the right to go after it.” But again men will not be where they do not want to be and no amount of yelling kicking and pleading can change that… so when they CHOOSE to stay in this instance, surely it’s worth it somewhere but on both sides of the fence??? Any takers?
Since this is IMHO, let me state that a post like that needs to be in DarkOrchid, not SeaGreen. Aesthetically DarkOrchid would’ve been the best choice.
I disagree entirely, Arnold Winkelreid. Purple Haze, with exclamations in Bitter Lime.
No, it’s the other way around.
The reason the spouse person is the spouse person is that we’re fundamentally right for each other across the board - more in some areas, less in others, but solid in all the important ones. THAT is the dividing line between my spouse and everyone else. THAT is the big, fat, gigantic reason why she’s my spouse, and everyone else didn’t get past ‘friend’ or ‘previous girlfriend’ or whatever.
And because that’s so, we’ve committed ourselves to each other, and an important part of that commitment is that we don’t get it on with anyone else.
I’d been to bed with a number of women during my single years, and most of the time the sex was very good, and occasionally it was off the charts.
But even though I have always been monogamous by nature, and knew that once I married, I wasn’t going to be having sex with anyone else, I didn’t ask the best bed partner to marry me.
You know why? Because we were fundamentally mismatched in a whole bunch of other ways. Despite the fantastic sex, I’m still amazed that we managed to stay together for the 2-3 months that we did.
And it’s a good thing that that’s how my wife and I chose each other. Because while my sex drive as late as my early 40s was no different from where it was in my mid-20s, it’s been gradually going south ever since my mid-40s, and has been barely flickering off and on since I got into my 50s.
If sex was the big dividing line, frankly, there’d be little reason to stay married except for the kid. But our partnership rests on other foundations, and will still be strong 30 years from now when sex is a dim memory.
Anyone else find it amusing that this was resurrected exactly one year after the OP?