Oh, I’m sorry. Did I stumble onto a forum filled with children? I see the “fight” since 1973 still blazes on!
Some would call that an “anniversary” elninost0rm…and we know what* that* means…
So hurry up and get it over with. Just don’t make any sound.
And don’t look at me. Or pull that face.
You know I HATE that face…
No you didn’t. So no need for the crayon.
Pro tip: Don’t type your posts in sea foam green and we won’t make fun of you for it. Deal?
Hmm. Yes, quite. It seems we have much more work to do.
I hate it when they initiate NC so he can see. I’m all like “Why you gotta initiate NC?!” and they’re all like “So he can see!” and I’m all like “bitch BALL AND CHAIN!”
Why are you so mad at the world? Come on, baby, don’t be hatin’.
I have a female friend about to marry a man who leaves her sexually unsatisfied. They only have sex once per month. They’re both young and have been together since high school. She acknowledges that it probably won’t get better, but states that she loves him so much, she can’t imagine life without him.
I’ll be very surprised if they are still together in 20 years.
Damn, now this is a depressing topic.
I’ve gotten into this kind of stuff in earlier threads, but the bottom line is that women are generally FAR less sexual than men, so the kind of sexual hangups described in the OP are infinitely more likely to be experienced by females rather than guys. Just perusing this thread validates that; a bunch of the posters here have been dudes who were lamenting the sexual downfalls of their SO’s. It really is a shame that mother nature designed us that way, but what can you do?
For the record, I’m kind of with Stoid in that I think a marriage/significant relationship is defined by sex. I mean, seriouusly, if you’re not having sex with your SO, then what the Hell separates that relationship from a simple friendship?
NC means what now?
I like how when a guy loses interest in his primary partner, he’s just naturally seeking variety, like any guy would.
When a woman loses interest in her primary partner, she’s a manipulative liar who was just tricking him into getting the wedding ring.
In my experience, when a woman loses interest, it’s not that she doesn’t want to have sex. It’s that he doesn’t want to have sex with you.
You are making a false assumption that people have the exact same sex drives 1, 5, 10 years later in that relationship. Sex drives are not static, but dynamic. They depend on many things such as school, careers, children, trust and intimacy, etc. which are constantly changing throughout the marriage…hence, sex drives change. If there is a wide enough gap (strong sex drive for one spouse and weak/no sex drive of the other), then there is going to be an increased chance of an affair happening.
Now, I’m not gonna give the green light to the spouse to cheat, but the spouse who needs sex to feel an intimate relationship with their partner should speak up and ask for the need to be met, and seek counseling together to address it. If the spouse loves you, they will make an honest attempt to meet your needs or at least meet you half-way; if not, then there is a bigger issue that needs to be addressed. Find out what it is and see if it can be solved. If that doesn’t work, then separate/divorce and then find someone who can address your needs.
Time changes a lot of things…it’s as simple as that.
People also lie.
Before Marriage: My now ex said she would never turn me down for sex.
After Marriage: Oh you’re so mean to ask me for sex!
Yeah, and a car is about more than a windshield, but unless a car has one I’m not driving it. :rolleyes:
Actually, 2ManyTacos, the truly depressing thing is that you actually believe this:
Really.
I don’t think you’ve had too many tacos.
Bit like guys and long-term relationships, really.
Thanks for summing this up better than I ever could. I find it interesting (not unexpected, just interesting) how people bring their own scars into conversations like this.
Guys get to do X, Women are held to a higher standard, why would you do something so stupid as to marry someone you weren’t compatible with, Cheaters suck…
Having been on all sides of this over the 16 years I’ve been married, I can say: “Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum”. I haven’t strayed from my vows, but there have been a time or two in the relationship where I could have easily seen it happening as a major part of my life wasn’t validated.
The cool thing about managing a relationship correctly (communication and compromise being major foundation points), is that Big hairy issues “WE’RE SEXUALLY INCOMPATIBLE”, become much less a big deal when both sides recognize their needs are different, work to find a middle-ground, and nobody is the Bad Guy for either having a higher or lower libido than their partner.
Is sexual compatibility important? Hell Yeah. Is it MORE important that treating each other with respect and understanding? No, it’s just a symptom of a bigger problem.
There are ALL kinds of relationships that work in ALL kinds of ways…and wierdly, their success or failure is really hard to measure. Is dying on your deathbed within hours of each other the measure of success? Or is realizing you’re moving apart and ending the relationship civilly? Is a wistful 5 year failed marriage better or worse than a 25 year bitter divorce?
Marriages fail because the occupants don’t change together, not because they’re missing an orgasm quota.
This actually clarifies something for me, although in sort of a backwards way; it’s because I have never seen marriage as a goal for my life in the first place, and other people, probably most other people, do. I have always been open to it, certainly, and I was engaged twice. But never, ever, ever, at any point in my life, did I have an intention to find a lifelong life partnership, and I never wanted children, either.
If that’s your starting goal, then ok, I can see it, although I still think the sexual component is important and I sure hope you have a good amount of mutual joy in it.
To initiate NC is to initiate “no contact”. As in “leave me the fuck alone.”
Just for clarity’s sake, I’m not talking about frequency issues, I’m talking about serious differences in what you both enjoy doing.
Well, you decide what’s a deal breaker and move on. I’d say the upper-third of the kink scale is off limits (use your imagination), but it’s not worth divorce, considering everything else it pretty damned good.