[QUOTE=FloatyGimpy]
I am a straight female. I am very bad at giving oral sex. So bad, in fact, that I once vomited on the poor shlub I was giving it to.
[/QUOTE]
I think you’re going to win the thread for worst giver of oral sex. 
:o :smack: 
:eek:
(We seem to have a lot of oral sex-related smileys.)
Oh no! Maybe I’ve just always been with terrible guys, because I have never come from oral sex! (Limited pool of three, but I thought I was the freak because I’d gotten all the other guys off with oral, but none of them could me. Hmph.)
[QUOTE=FloatyGimpy]
I am a straight female. I am very bad at giving oral sex. So bad, in fact, that I once vomited on the poor shlub I was giving it to.
[/QUOTE]
Hopefully you have other qualities that makes up for this shameful lack of talent.
All I can assume is those that are no good are just too lazy or complacent to study. No one is born knowing how to be good in bed, you have to learn. I was willing to read a few books and watch some porn to learn what I could.
Once you know the techniques it’s just a case of take it easy, have fun and mix and match according to what the two of you like.
[QUOTE=FloatyGimpy]
I am a straight female. I am very bad at giving oral sex. So bad, in fact, that I once vomited on the poor shlub I was giving it to.
[/QUOTE]
Oh, I remember you. My wife says to thank you so very much for making Ipecac a necessary part of our love life. 
I’ll tell the story.
I had decided that I really wanted to learn how to give a good and completed blow job. I told my partner of my intentions and he was pleased with the idea, to say the least. We went out for dinner, I had a caesar salad.
Back home we hopped into the shower together. I thought this would be a good place to do the deed in case it didn’t work out. Kneeling down in front of him, I started, well, doing it. To be honest, I didn’t like it much but I was determined to persevere.
After a few minutes, he warned me that he was ready to finish. I braced myself for the impending flow.
The instant that warm, stinky, slimy goo touched the back of my throat, up came all of my dinner. The entire contents of my stomach came retching out. All over his very quickly shrinking member were large bits of caesar salad and croutons (but no bacon bits, I’m a vegetarian).
While he stood there with a look of shock and horror, I started to laugh. I laughed and laughed. He eventually saw the humor.
Anyway, that was my third and last try.
FTR, the first girl who gave me head? She had always vomited when she swallowed before. But swallowing really, really turned me on, so she agreed to give it one try, for me. And not only did she not puke, she actually praised the taste. (By semen standards, I mean.) So that may be an individual thing.
[QUOTE=FloatyGimpy]
I’ll tell the story.
I had decided that I really wanted to learn how to give a good and completed blow job. I told my partner of my intentions and he was pleased with the idea, to say the least. We went out for dinner, I had a caesar salad.
Back home we hopped into the shower together. I thought this would be a good place to do the deed in case it didn’t work out. Kneeling down in front of him, I started, well, doing it. To be honest, I didn’t like it much but I was determined to persevere.
After a few minutes, he warned me that he was ready to finish. I braced myself for the impending flow.
The instant that warm, stinky, slimy goo touched the back of my throat, up came all of my dinner. The entire contents of my stomach came retching out. All over his very quickly shrinking member were large bits of caesar salad and croutons (but no bacon bits, I’m a vegetarian).
While he stood there with a look of shock and horror, I started to laugh. I laughed and laughed. He eventually saw the humor.
Anyway, that was my third and last try.
[/QUOTE]
Umm… I just have this one thing to add:
Bac-Os “bacon bits” are vegetarian-safe!
As for the rest, I’m kinda curious if your salad had dressing since… well… texture-wise and stuff… yeah.
Regarding the rest of the thread, I’ve kind of had the same experience as the other guys; every woman I’ve been with has insisted that they’re great at fellatio, but I’ve never really enjoyed it. They all also insist that my prior lackluster experiences in receiving fellatio have been because my partners haven’t known what they were doing, etc., and when I’ve tried to be more vocal about what did and didn’t feel good, I was at best ignored, and at worst told to hush… after all they knew what they were doing.
In the end, fellatio is a pleasant bit of foreplay, like getting a neck massage or something, but the insistence on dragging it out for half an hour and getting upset with me because I don’t orgasm from it makes me end up dreading it.
I have a pretty sensitive gag reflex, but there are tricks one can learn to deal with that. Using your tongue and hands helps, and so does experimenting with angles. As for swallowing, I’ve just learned to make sure it doesn’t hit the back of my throat.
I’m not the best at oral, but I daresay I’m not the worst either. I like to think that the fact I usually enjoy it partly makes up for whatever I may be lacking in technique. 
[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee]
I have a pretty sensitive gag reflex, but there are tricks one can learn to deal with that.
[/QUOTE]
I have gotten into trouble with my more feminist friends for saying this, but…it helps to train your gag reflex if you allow him to…uh…force you a little. I mean…not actually force you, (I mean you could ‘tap out’ if you really need to. I have been known to give my husband’s thigh a tap that means ‘you better quit!’)
But yeah, if you allow him to ‘force’ it some, and if he is good at reading how far he should push, your throat will eventually learn to accept him. Sigh. I know this post is way too graphic, but anyone who is still reading this thread after the first post must be cool with graphic content.
Also, loving to do it is the main damn thing, according to my husband. Who could just be telling me whatever I want to hear to make sure I continue to participate.
[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect]
Boy howdy. If I had a dime for every woman who claimed to give great oral but couldn’t get me off after 20 minutes of work, well, I’d have almost enough to buy coffee!
[/QUOTE]
So, are you saying that the technique is lacking if she can’t get you off after 20 min?
I think Mosier’s point about good blow job artists being the people who love giving blow jobs to be pretty accurate. I think a huge part of the arousal has to be knowing the person in front of you is just dying to have your cock in her mouth. This makes sense because for me, cunnilingus is the same way… there is nothing sexy about grudging oral sex.
I’ve only ever given oral to two different guys, but they have consistently loved it, probably because I personally find it so exciting. My mouth waters just thinking about it. And I don’t tolerate that shy ‘‘I’m not going to tell her what I’m really thinking’’ bullshit–I look up and say, ‘‘Tell me what you want me to do differently.’’ The thing is, they’ve never suggested anything other than, ''Do more of what you’re doing right now." If they secretly think I’m lousy at it, it’s their own fucking problem for not being honest. However, judging by the near-constant moaning followed by the inevitable reward (which comes when I decide it does), they dig it.
Obligatory blow job smiley----> :o
[QUOTE=BrknButterfly]
I also think women learn by cues. It is obvious when he says, “oh baby, this is amazing…” but still just lays then motionless and silent. Then it is pretty obvious he isn’t into it.
[/QUOTE]
Absolutely. I think learning how to pay attention to your partner’s reactions is the #1 issue (at least once you overcome any initial disgust you may have at what you’re doing in the first place). Most people aren’t going to be good enough actors to be able to pull off enjoying what they’re doing if they actually don’t, but provided you make it over that initial hurdle, learning to read your partner is going to get you 95% of the rest of the way.
(That goes for men too, by the way, and IMO to pretty much anything two people do in bed with each other. Or in the rest of their interpersonal relations, for that matter.)
Okay, quit being coy, guys - what are women doing to you that is not turning you on in any way? And make it more graphic than just saying “no teeth.” You want better blow jobs, instruct us. We’re listening.
[QUOTE=panache45]
You’d be surprised how many gay men give lousy head, yet think they’re experts. Believe, me, I know.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t have words to adequately express how true this is.
[QUOTE=featherlou]
Okay, quit being coy, guys - what are women doing to you that is not turning you on in any way? And make it more graphic than just saying “no teeth.” You want better blow jobs, instruct us. We’re listening.
[/QUOTE]
Rule #1: A blow job is really a hand job with a bonus. Probably like most guys, I can rub one off in under two minutes. Sure, it’s a pretty pedestrian and unsatisfying orgasm, but it gets the job done.
So to master the BJ, you must first master the HJ. Ask him to show you how he brings himself off. Do your best to imitate his technique.
Once you’ve got that down (heh), add different oral stimuli to really send him through the roof.
Rule #2: No teeth.
I actually find handjobs more difficult than blowjobs, for some reason. My arms give out after the first minute. Plus I don’t know where to look. Looking a guy in the eye while I’m jerking him off makes me blush.
[QUOTE=black rabbit]
Rule #2: No teeth.
[/QUOTE]
So you take 'em out then?
On a different but related matter: I once heard that having cinnamon afew hours before a BJ would actually make your jizz taste of said stuff.
True or an UL
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th]
I think Mosier’s point about good blow job artists being the people who love giving blow jobs to be pretty accurate. I think a huge part of the arousal has to be knowing the person in front of you is just dying to have your cock in her mouth. This makes sense because for me, cunnilingus is the same way… there is nothing sexy about grudging oral sex.
I’ve only ever given oral to two different guys, but they have consistently loved it, probably because I personally find it so exciting. My mouth waters just thinking about it. And I don’t tolerate that shy ‘‘I’m not going to tell her what I’m really thinking’’ bullshit–I look up and say, ‘‘Tell me what you want me to do differently.’’ The thing is, they’ve never suggested anything other than, ''Do more of what you’re doing right now." If they secretly think I’m lousy at it, it’s their own fucking problem for not being honest. However, judging by the near-constant moaning followed by the inevitable reward (which comes when I decide it does), they dig it.
Obligatory blow job smiley----> :o
[/QUOTE]
I think this is right. I know I pretty much always gave horrible head, and it was always grudgingly, too. I wasn’t good at it. It hurt my jaw/head (I have TMJ), and it wasn’t a normal part of things (as much as my husband wished it was). I always felt bad about this, for a lot of reasons.
Then I started watching gay porn, and I realized the blow jobs were my favorite part. The reason? The porn I watched always had really, really enthusiastic bottoms. There’s one guy in particular who gives BJs like it’s the closest thing to nirvana he’s found. I realized this was so hot to me because of the enthusiasm–the enthusiasm I always lacked. So I mimicked them in everything–how they positioned themselves, their pace, how they used their hands, the attention and time spent on the balls and surrounding areas. And it was fun! I’m no expert at it at this point (I had my epiphany fairly recently) but I’m getting better and we’re both enjoying more experimentation.
Rule #3- Don’t forget the balls. Massage is very key. cupping them upward makes cumming easier, while pulling them down (gently!) can usually stop cumming. That last part may be very important to learn for you girls that don’t want that stuff in your mouth.