I’ve placed a few personal ads in my day. Every time I do, there is a not insignificant number of men who write to me telling me how much they enjoyed my quirky ad.
My ads are clearly in the Men Seeking Women section. Yet I get men sending me pictures of their erect penises. Some are more coy about it and say that they’re not gay, just commenting on my ad because I seem like a fun guy. Hmmm, the Men Seeking Women personal ads seems a strange place for a man to go looking for a pen pal.
So what the hell is going on here? Are they simply gays in denial? Are they world-weary gays who feel the need to convert a member of the opposing team for shits and giggles? I’m totally at a loss to explain this behavior.
Because some people have this desperate hope that someone out there will say, “Well, maybe for you I’ll make an exception.”
I mostly hear comments about this from women-seeking-women who get responses from partnered women who want to know if their boyfriends can come along too …
It’s not a gay thing, it’s a guy thing. Some dudes will hit on absolutely anything, no matter how obvious it is they don’t have a shot, on the theory that if you proposition enough people, sooner or later someone will say, “Yes.” You think you have it bad, ask a woman who’s posted a personal ad about this subject. She’ll probably have lots of stories to share.
Probably similar to the type of men that post in the men for men section on craigslist who specify that they only want str8 (yes, that’s how they spell it) guys and NO GAY GUYS to respond. There is a real cognitive disconnect in a guy that is out actively cruising for dick but say they aren’t into gay guys.
ANY personal ad will generate replies from groups of people that you are not seeking. Are you on Craigslist? Because if you are, then that fact is doubly true.
When I used personal ads, I got a lot of replies from men who were just a little bit off from what I had specified (like a few years older). Those are OK. It’s reasonable for someone to say to themselves, “Well they say 26 is their upper age limit, but I really like their profile and I’ll respond even though I’m 29” (note: I was 22-23 when I was using personals).
Then there are those who are totally unreasonable. The married 50 year old man looking for a mistress. The lonely 50 year old man looking for a wife. Just those who’s profiles indicated that we had absolutely nothing in common and obviously they were just throwing out messages to anyone they could find. I didn’t get any women, but I got quite a few couples even though I specified I was only interested in single men.
So yeah, it’s definitely not exclusive to gay men trolling for “straight” men.
In my experience, these guys are invariably “bottoms,” or in some way “submissive.” They identify themselves with the traditional “female” role in a relationship, and want a partner who will fulfill the traditional “male” role. And who would be a more perfect match than a straight guy? Of course, they’re setting themselves up for a huge rejection, since the straight guy is obviously looking for a woman. And yes, a big part of the turn-on is the idea of the straight guy “making an exception,” then falling helplessly in love, etc., etc. I imagine there might have been a few times this has actually panned out, but they’d be damn rare.
Probably for the same reason some straight guys hit on lesbians: some guys are just congenitally incapable of realizing that the world doesn’t revolve around their dick.
Heh, I seem to have a problem with getting crushes on girls who turn out to be lesbians. But I ask if they are bi or interested in men whatsoever, and the ones who I have really liked said yes, but it would still turn out to be a lost cause.
