I ran into an old flame a couple of days ago. She was beautiful and charming and I thought of all the good times we had together and for the life of me I couldn’t think of a good reason why I had ended the relationship. I really had to stop and think a while before I began to remember any of the bad things that had happened between us. Meanwhile, those happy memories of our time together raced right up to the front of my mind.
This has happened to me before with ex-GFs. I seem to keep only my fond memories of former lovers and lock the bad memories away in a foggy, hard-to-reach corner of my brain.
Has anyone else had a similar “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind” experience?
And if so, why do you suppose that is? Would the combined burden of bad memories be too much for us? Is it some sort of psychic scar tissue?
Funny, I do the opposite. I have a hard time remembering the good things about my former relationships Even the ex-lovers I still like as people and have as friends, I don’t remember the relationships with a rosy-colored fondness. I think that I’m glad I could salvage the parts of those relationships I liked while getting rid of all the crap that was, in the long run, not OK.
I actually saw my ex yesterday (sitting in the front window of my favorite restaurant with his wife, which could be a Pit thread, but I digress). All I could think was, “God, he’s ugly! Lame and annoying too. How the hell did I waste 4 years of my life thinking I loved that jerk?” Truly, I’m hard pressed to think of what was so great about him that kept me hanging around for that long. Ewww.
None of my exes hold any appeal for me. I don’t idealize them at all. Maybe that’s not 100% healthy either, but I prefer it to having angst or lingering feelings for people who are in my past. YMMV.
Only one. The others I don’t harbor any particular animosity toward, but I sure don’t idealize them either.
The one that I “idealize” well…it was one of those sad “we love each other but…” kind of things. Much more complicated than I want to bore you all with, but to put it simply (and quickly)…I was ready to settle down, he wasn’t.
We kept trying and finally had to mutually come to the decision that he needed to “go find himself” if an when he was ever going to be ready to be with anyone. That was three years ago. We’re both still single.
He’s dated a bit, but I haven’t. Don’t get me wrong, he was human and had faults like anyone else, but I’ve just never found anyone to measure up, so to speak.
I’m not sure if that’s the kind of thing you were talking about though. I’m not sure if it helps in your situation or not.
The only serious relationship I “idealize” was my first true love*.
We were high school sweethearts and we stayed together through the first of college at different universities. We broke up that summer for reasons I still can’t clearly state. I guess we just grew far enough apart in that one year that we just compatible anymore. Basically it all went out with a whimper at a Dairy Queen.
*Awwwww.
I’m more in the “how could I ever like that ass” field, although not always.
But in any case, I think it’s both a survival mechanism (tons of mothers swear that giving birth was the best experience of their lives, but you’d never believe it from the cussing that goes on while they’re on it), and also akin to when this friend started talking about how great everything was when she was 15, she’d go to the dances and dance up a storm, and her friend, who’s known her since they were kids back in The Island, said “you talkin’ about the two months between when yo’ mama died and when y’sister married you out, when you all had nothin’ to eat? Uh-hu, lots’a dancin’, but me, I like my chicken.” No romantic, this second one.
Filtering memories in pink helps many of us get through the bad times.