This is getting ridiculous. Why on earth do they show every (ok, probably not every) gay couple as wanting kids? Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters, Queer as Folk, Modern Family, Will and Grace and it just goes on. I know some gay couples do, the 2000 census said about 20%, but the phenomenon seems to be vastly overblown on TV and it’s really starting to irk me.
Because straight people write and gay people act 
Straight people who support gay rights think that the only difference between gay and straight people is the sexes. In other words two gay males or two gay females will be the same as a straight couple.
Well I’m a gay male and that is not so.
But it’s not unusual. In the 70s and 80s there was a huge push that “all the races are alike.” Well ask any African American woman about her hair and you will soon find out it’s totally different between a white woman and a black woman.
There’s a symbolism involved but not a reality. For instance, I do care about gay marriage, but I can’t get a date. In all reality, I could care LESS about gay marriage except the principal of the thing. It’s like sitting on the back of the bus. I may be black and LIKE to sit on the back of the bus. But there’s a difference between wanting to sit on the back and being required to sit in the back.
Gay people want to be seen to be just as, for lack of a better word, “normal” as any straight couple. But the dating rituals and such are not the same. And why should it be? If you see several straight couples the females of these couples act one way and the males act another.
A male in a relationship be it gay or straight will act the same way. And as a rule you don’t find that many straight men, cooing and crying about wanting kids. Sure there are some, but even those who do aren’t as vocal as females.
But TV isn’t life that’s why you see this. In reality the biggest problem in gay male America is lack of condom usage and the rise of HIV infection in males under 30. Do you think you’re gonna see THAT on TV? 
I would agree with Marxxx in that it is probably an attempt on the part of liberal hollywood to push gay couples further into the heteronormative mold in order to make them more palatable to mainstream markets.
Reminds me of another annoying thing. It’s not quite as bad these days, but for the longest time it seemed that every movie or TV story line about someone that was gay would either have HIV, or be dating someone with HIV and if they died in the story…it was of course AIDS.
And yes, I do agree that the current generation is being really stupid about not using condoms and I don’t mean to minimize that. It just annoyed me that a lot of media seemed to automatically equate gay and HIV.
Really, no. The creators/showrunners/executive producers/frequent script writers/powers that be of Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters and Will and Grace, at the very least, are all gay men. (Marc Cherry, Jon Robin Baitz/Greg Berlanti and Max Mutchnick, respectively.) Mutchnick and his partner have married and have twins via a surrogate. Cherry is a Log Cabinite, and their whole credo is “we’re just like you, just gay.” I think an argument could be made that they’re all pushing that “we’re just like you” agenda via the portrayals of (some of) the gay couples on their programs.
Because TV shows are based on drama. And drama requires that somebody want something that they can’t have, or at least for *some *sort of conflict to exist. And an easy source of conflict is for a gay couple to want a kid but not be able to get one.
Which confuses the hell out of me. I’m not gay, but I imagine one of the best parts of being gay would be to NOT have any reason to have kids! Also, not having to get married or join the military. Yet they seem to actually *want *those things. Get a clue, dudes! You’re missing out on the best parts of being gay!..TRM
As a Gay man in an (almost) 30 year relationship, I can tell you the last thing we ever wanted was kids!
Granted, when we first got together, it was almost unheard of - but I don’t think it would have made any difference. Perhaps foster parents at some point for perhaps a Gay/Lesbian teen - simply to help them get their life in order - but count us as one Gay couple who never had that urge to adopt kids.
As far as television and film plots go - I would agree they are trying to show that Gay or Lesbian parents are really no big deal. I mean, lots of people might have been in a heterosexual relationship at some point in their life and had kids - and now still are parents and want to keep the family unit even with their new partner. I think statistics have proven they are no better, or worse, than other (hetero) parents.
I have to admit, the Gay couple on Modern Family cracks me up and they are certainly the doting parents - just as obnoxiously so as other (hetero) parents I know who have adopted children. So in that show, it works perfectly. But in other shows (Brothers and Sisters for example) I sometimes wonder what is the point of foisting this plot point on the Gay couple? If ever there were two people who should NOT be having kids, it is Kevin and Scotty! They couldn’t keep a houseplant alive, let alone raise a kid - at least as far as their characters have been written to date.
Totally agreed, but I’ll take it even further and ask why every couple wants kids, gay or straight?
Say what you will about King of Queens, I found their complete lack of desire for kids a breath of fresh air. That show was almost unique in that there was a longtime married couple who neither had nor wanted kids. (Until the last season, of course, when they tried to shoehorn in baby fever and destroyed the whole dynamic of the show.)
Well, in the case of Modern Family, the clue is in the title. Not that a family requires children, but the show in this case is structured around three radically different but related couples and how they deal with the challenges of parenthood.
Also, in my experience, most people want to reproduce - it is a fundamental drive, for obvious reasons. TV producers probably want to appeal to the majority of the audience, as well as possibly (as stated above) wanting to normalize gay people to a mainstream audience.
Still, I can understand how annoying it must be, if your experience is that gay people generally don’t want kids, and every show seems to force gay characters into a false stereotype. I know the angry atheist who finally sees the light always annoys me!
Because it’s TV. There are many situations where TV and reality are only distantly aquainted. These wanting kids gay couples inhabit the same magical land where everyone gets a great job immediately after college, and it’s totally plausable that people under the age of 25 might be published authors, own their own clothing line or run a restaurant (that they own).
I’m only at just shy of 10 years, but we feel exactly the same way.
Which is all well and good I suppose. I’m a little torn between recognizing the progress that has been made, in that gay couples or even just gay people can be on TV and it’s no big deal and being irritated that we’re basically either the comic relief or some sexless paragon of virtue. (like on the original Melrose Place…I never watched the show but that’s what I’ve heard about that character)
The modern family couple is hysterical! I think what brought this on was watching Desperate Housewives with my partner and having a big plotline being the gay couple trying to have a child and then the first 3 minutes of Brothers and Sisters being the gay couple…talking about the child they’re trying to have. It was just a bit of overload I guess.
Personally I find it rather insulting. My partner and I are fine just the way we are. We don’t feel a need to prove how “normal” our relationship is by mimicking a stereotypical straight couple. (And there’s nothing wrong with childless straight couples either.)
Of all the gay men I know, most of the kids are from former hetero marriages; very few actually have kids from their current relationships.
The writers have to write about something…what’s it gonna be?
I’ve known many male gay couples and only one couple wanted kids.
Many lesbian couples I know though, wanted (or at least had) kids.
What CONFLICT and DRAMA would you have for your gay male couples?
In real life, the gay couples conflict and drama I’ve seen were:
Infidelity
Substance abuse and addiction
Hiv
Did I mention infidelity?
I’m sure how these storylines would fly during the family hour.
It’s the same reason that that there was, at one time, a disproportionate number of widowed dads raising children on TV. Something that shows the character as both the same and yet different than what most viewers know as life.
Did Will and Grace really go there? I remember it being used as a humorous plotline when Will and Jack go to what they expect to be a typical gay orgy and it turns out all their gay friends have babies. But I don’t remember Will actually reaching that point.
Queer as Folk - this was a diverse series of gay people. The sexual looseness type of gay was certainly well represented. If I recall, only the lesbians actually had kids, which was not outside the stereotype of lesbians.
Desperate Housewives, Modern Family, and B&S all have established gay couples. Once you have any established couple on a drama, kids will be an obvious thing to get into. On D&S the couple are secondary characters and the baby drama is just a way to drag the egg donor into things. Modern Couple starts with the couple getting a baby, so that’s just part of the premise. B&S had many many seasons of the character dating, then getting married, and finally wanting a baby. Six Feet Under also explored the main character dating for a long time and they didn’t adopt til the final season.
I think it’s just a typical thing for any TV season with an established couple. Once the marriage happens (or for the gays if they don’t have a wedding per se, just being established enough that they are regular characters), babies are the next step.
There was a time where just gay kissing was a big deal, so things led up to that. Then marriage. Now that marriage isn’t a big deal to portray, it’s babies. Once marriage and babies for gays on TV are well explored, then they will go through the other various dramas married couples go through.
In the last season Will and his boyfriend (um … Vince, I think) adopt a son together. He grows up to marry Grace’s daughter.
Actually, they hird an egg donor and a gestational surrogate to have Will’s own biological child.
Really? OK, guess I wasn’t paying that much attention.
I agree with some upthread – the issue isn’t that gay TV couples all want to have kids. It’s that all TV couples want to have kids. That’s not reality either. But once TV accepts that gay people can form true loving relationships, then TV assumes kids are the next step, the same way it assumes that for every pair.
Anyway, certainly there are plenty of gay people who aren’t interested in kids, but I sure know a shitload who are.
–Cliffy
I actually Pitted that a little while ago; I get frustrated with the tv ideal that everyone in the world wants a baby desperately and adores and worships children, and if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you and you’ll change your mind once they find the right fix for you (cause, you know, it’s impossible for a healthy adult to not worship children).