Little History: Ok, I was the guy who said to my wife…No! No cats! Not now, not tomorrow, not next week or next year! I’m alergic! My wife bided her time and now gues what? Two! Yes, we have two siamese. One of them I have absolutely no problem with…perfect behaviour nearly all the time. Very affectionate towards visitors etc…etc…
However, Minmei is a different story…Case in point…I am writing this post from my wifes office…she’s shopping and I like the lighting…But I can feel it. The stare, it is making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end…
I turn and look at what I already knew was there
Minmei…staring at me from the threshold…licking her paws as if to say, "You don’t intimidate me Phlosphr…Oh no…I have your wife in my power and you are sure to join me…we’ve got all the time in the world!! [evil-laugh]Bwhahahaha!!![/evil-laugh]
So I am writing now to ask those cat enthusiasts how long can I expect the Moaning at night to get into the room, glaring, stealthing, and general lion behaviour to subside? Our other kitty is content playing with the dog, keeping minmei at bay and generally being good…Minmei is different.
I’ll admit she’s cute, but I think that is her biggest weapon…the mind control and feline deathrays are all an amalgumation of my own scary desires and fears…
Will she be ok eventually with not coming into our room at night? It was the only thing I insisted upon with my wife, and it is basically the only thing minmei hates me for…I think she hates me at least…She likes to cuddle but only on her time…but when my wife gets home…she gets all the attention…What gives?
fascinating cat fact #1: felines, like people, often find things that are forbidden to be absolutely imperative to have or do.
will she eventually “get over” being locked out of your bedroom at night? only if you’re strong enough not to cave in first.
we have two cats also. as you note with yours, each has their own unique personality, as well as place in the pecking… uh… scratching order. what you may not realize is that, from the cats’ POV, you are not immune to ranking within their order. if they can push you around, so to speak, then you will perforce become of a lesser ranking. food and care providers will tend to take precedence in all hierarchies (or as we term it in our household, be the Mom-cat). i’m betting that your wife is the primary supplier of food, brushing, kitty-pan cleaning, and other cat comforts within your household. therefore, natural deference is paid to S/He Who Makes Things Good. you will naturally be abandoned in favor of displaying affection to Mom-cat whenever she makes an appearance. get used to it, or else accept the need to provide equal measures of cat care if you want to have a better ranking.
(however, i’m betting you’re never going to be able to equal your wife in the “cat cuddling” category. so resign yourself to second place. at best.)
the other major point is keeping the training angle in perspective. people like to think they train their animals. pets are equally certain that they train their humans quite nicely, thank you very much. here is where previous experience comes to your aid, if you have any to draw on. i make a major effort not to let my cats train me what to do, beyond minor things that will not inconvenience me. if now is not a good time to indulge in unlimited petting, i don’t–no matter how cute the poses or persistent the shadowing/underfoot presence. when i say “Get out of the way”, i mean “Get out of the way! (or you WILL be shoved aside or stepped on.)” if i feel like playing “wrestle the kitty(s)” while making the bed, then i will; but if i’m not in the mood/in a hurry, then get your furry butt off the bed NOW. and KEEP it off.
in short, i try to be the one calling the shots in the majority of instances.
probably one of the greatest YMMV scenarios that pet owners constantly face.
Yes, yes, and yes, sans the kitty litter cleaning…I do that…can’t have mrs.phlosphr cleaning the kitty whilst trying to get pregnant…
I am a bit of an authoritative man when it comes to our animals and I tend to act the way I do with my dog, to the cats…it just doesn’t work. See I have a dog who required a lot of training to become as good tempered and natured as he is…he’s a naturally head-strong breed (rhodesian ridgeback). I am very loving towards him, but he knows who the alpha male is…I tend to act like the alpha male to the cats as well, and I usually just get a cats ass in my face as they run away…
I do not want to come across like I am a brut or anything like that…quite the opposite. My control of the dog is very subliminal. I do know that the cats see my wife as a granite pole…unwavering in her demeanor to them. She’s always loving and caring, but they know when they have done something wrong. I am just concerned about a few behaviours what manifest during the night…i.e. stop scratching the door at 3 in the morning…we have never let you in before, why would we now! My wife thinks it’s funny, because she never wakes up for anything, and I usually end up telling her about it in the morning…
Hmmm…she should try getting pregnant while cooking. Tell her to try it in the nude, wearing nothing but an apron that says, “Fuck the cook. No, FUCK the cook!” It worked for me.
ok, good – you’ve got the essentials of training under your belt. so what you probably need to work on a bit is the “cat comfort” angle.
there’s a reason cats are closely identified with hedonism and/or comfort. do things they like or find pleasant, and they’re much more likely to find your company agreeable.
the allergy element complicates this quite a bit, unfortunately. one of the sure-fire happy cat inducers is a good thorough chin scratching, or (depending on the cat) a nice, regular brushing session. the problem with both of these and you is… proximity. up-close-and-personal is a must, which means that the odds are astronomical regarding you getting a snootful of loose hair in the process. so that one is a personal call you’ll have to make. do you want to try for an increase in affection, offset by an equal or greater increase in personal discomfort?
IF you do decide to try that route, a couple pointers. 1) it’s done on your terms, not theirs. if they try to play the “follow me around if you want to brush me” game, let them walk away. you lose status if you have to come after them while trying to groom them. they need to come (and stay) close to you if they want the attention. 2) ignoring a cat can be a powerful tool for training. one of our cats likes to sit on our laps after meals are done. she’s convinced my husband that he needs to pick her up for her to ever sit with him. if she wants to sit on my lap, she can d@mn well jump up herself–i’m not her personal servant. i’ll ignore the twinings around my chair, until she makes up her mind she really wants to come up on her own. 3) don’t let them use your emotions to manipulate you. if you scold them, and they shun your presence for Mom’s, don’t try to make up to them. a higher-ranking animal in ANY hierarchy has the right and duty to discipline the lower-ranked. so don’t be afraid to enforce rules, either the house-level ones or your personal set. respect must be maintained. (but you knew this already, right?)
Well I astonished myself by not being as alergic as I had once thought. So close contact i.e. a good chin or belly scratch is no problem…The problem comes in if the kitty is sleeping on my neck or head…this is a big no no. Ergo they do not come into bed with us at night. I think minmei is not so happy with being told no by mostly me when it comes to coming into our room…and that is why she is behaving this way.
[QUOTE=Phlosphr]
Well I astonished myself by not being as alergic as I had once thought. So close contact i.e. a good chin or belly scratch is no problem…The problem comes in if the kitty is sleeping on my neck or head…this is a big no no.
I’ve been told allergies can fluctuate throughout one’s lifetime (don’t have any hard facts on that one, however, although i’d be more than interested to see some), but I had a similar experience with cat-flavored allergies not too long ago, myself. Whereas I used to be able to breathe around cats as well as I could, say, underwater, I’ve gotten myself to the point where I can actually stand being around most of them, even when they do silly things like sleep next to my head (although that does make it a bit less comfortable). I’m at a loss to explain the mechanism of this (concentration? growing out of it?), but as I rather like cats, it makes me happy, regardless
But yeah, I’d have to agree with the others about how to deal with the cat: train her like you would any other animal. Don’t let her do what you don’t want her to do and be consistent in that. If you want to get a little more into it, a small plant-mister might be a good investment for when she’s being a butt (although if she’s particularly vengeful, you might also start something, that way…), as would some cat-treats.
Good luck, and have fun with that whole procreation thing bamf
sigh…
We have this problem also. But, our cats have teamed up and are now doing the takeover attempt. I am (as cat food can opener and kitty litter cleaner) first slave. Any and all attempts of physical affection toward first slave must be cleared through my ginger tom, who believes that he provides all the affection I need. He demonstrated this last week, when my son tried to hug me, and cat wiggled his way between us, and BIT my son’s leg. Our other cat, Smeagol, also has problems with my paying attention to my new computer. I hold my keyboard on my lap, and he delights in rubbing his head against the corner, thus hitting the escape key, and closing out whatever active window I happen to be in. THEN when I look up, walks on to the keyboard and sits down. And they aren’t even Siamese.
But; Phlosphr, I’m a bit surprised you haven’t resigned yourself to this type of imperious behavior. You KNEW she had an attitude. Plus, she is first cat. She is queen. At least, as far as she is concerned. And, in your house, your wife is first slave.
I agree about the water pistol (Note: NOT supersoaker); they work wonders. Especially for kitties who like to play jungle cat in mama’s plants.
You’re the poster who just got the siamese kitten, right? She’s never be ok with being shut out of the bedroom if you let her in there when you first got her. Another warning unheeded, sigh. It’s ok, they only live 15 years or so, it won’t be that bad to have her yowling to get in every night…
Regarding the new kitty pics, there won’t be any until I get My Own website up and running…hopefully soon…
And as for the moaning at night…We’ve had her for quite a while we didn’t just get her…there is a poster here who just got one…I don’t remember their name though…
We have never let the litty in our room at night. This is why I am confused that she is still moaning to get in…she has a playmate and everything.
The power struggle has lasted long enough for you… obviously minmei feels differently
Also there is a blood test I had done to determine if I had immunities to the kitty litter disease whose name I cannot recall but is dangerous during pregnancy. If your wife is immune then that is good to know I am sure you’ve done your homework and had prepregnant doctor visits and I’m also sure she’s already on prenatal vitamins but I had to really push to have that blood test done - I needed to know since I had 6 cats and was doing shelter volunteer work!
And I will also say that a simple site filled with kitty pics could be done very quickly and easily and on any number of free hosting services and then transferred to a more permanent layout and location later. Just sayin’
My wifes OB/GYN is actually her old college roommate…She’s a wonderful Lady and is really helping us with all the prepreg stuff. Yes, my wife is on the vitamins and is exercising like a mad woman! We will have to ask about the kitty litter situation…for now I am doing it…originally we spent a crazy amount of money on a kitty toilet…in the end the cat hated it because it made too much noise…so back to the litter…
