Picture of Seamen stinging an Eye:
I’ve always wondered why so many pirates wear eyepatches. (get it–seamen).
Mine doesn’t. Would you like me to prove it to you?
Flying through the air it can collect particles of dust, micro-allergens and bird dander.
No, thanks. I’ve had a facial already today.
Sperm have little stingers, didntchaknow?
I must insist. I’ve really got the “no more tears” formulation. Hey, where are you running to??
Nice segue, for sure. It is still funny at 12:30 pm., too.
[sub]runs[/sub]
Any scientific experiment that involves a penis and a “control eye” is inherently awesome.
I solved the problem by switching from contacts to glasses for bedroom activities. I get excellent eye protection and hubby gets hot librarian look! 
And there’s the winning username/post combo of the day, folks! Perhaps even the year.
It takes a little while to sting because all the little spermies are expecting to hunt for an egg about the size of the dot at the end of this sentence. But then, when they land on the eyeball, they’re temporarily stunned by the gargantuan size of what they perceive to be the promised land. Then they all suddenly break from their stupor, let loose with a loud rebel yell, and get to getting down on your eyeball.
“Semen contains citric acid, free amino acids, fructose, enzymes, phosphorylcholine, prostaglandin, potassium, and zinc.”
According to: What Healthy Sperm Smells, Looks, and Tastes Like
Several likely eye irritants in those ingredients, no?
Ah, high fructose porn syrup.
“A little bit of sugar makes the girlfriend go down.”
Check post #32
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
Rainier has a kink.
Reminds me of a college experience. Maybe I should have rephrased that. :smack:
My wife-to-be and I went to separate universaties but saw each other on the weekends. I got pink eye, and she (not surprisingly) got it too. She was going to a huge state university that was know for being, how should I put it, quite rambunctious. I was going to a tiny private university. We had very different experiences at our respective student health centers.
My student health center.
Me: I have pink eye.
Dr: Yes you do. Here’s your prescription.
Her student health center.
Her: I have pink eye.
Dr: Are you sure you didn’t just get something in it?
Her: Yes. My boyfriend just got pink eye.
Dr: Are you sure you didn’t get, “something” in it.
Her: Yes. I’ve had pink eye before, I know what it’s like. I have it right now.
Dr: Could you have, you know, gotten something up in your eye?
Her: Look, I know what you are getting at, and no. I have pink eye. Look at my eye; it’s puffy and pink, not watery and red.
Dr: Are you sure? It’s OK if you got something in your eye.
Etc. :rolleyes: