It seems like a lot of kinds of sexual fetishisms are centered around men. Either that, or its only the male-associated ones that have been publicized. Because I never hear of women found dead in the aftermath of auto-erotic asphyxiation, needing to soil themselves in an adult diaper to be properly aroused, or peer into the windows of people’s houses to watch them undress, have sex, etc. Why is this?
Or am I just misinterpreting things? Are these problems split fairly between the genders?
I’m sure an expert will come in and explain things a bit more, but basically (ha!) young boys are confused and disturbed by what what they perceive as a lack in their mothers- not having a penis. Fetishized objects take the place of the phallus, and are often related to their mother’s genitalia (e.g. velvet), or what the child may have been looking at before seeing it for the first time ( legs, stockings, shoes). Women do not have to fetishize anything (except perhaps children) as their ideal partners already possess what they want- the phallus (grain of salt, people).
Disclaimer: This is the heavy Freudian view. Not everyone thinks Freud is all that great anymore.
Personally, I think it’s because women are still societally expected to be demure. Society is more willing to put up with the notion of a kinky guy than a kinky girl. I have no cite, but my guess would be that the real rate of fetishism is closer to even than you’d expect.
I always thought it was because us guys are such pigs.
Also we have the T (testosterone) factor to consider. Men have much stronger sex drives than women, and so it follows that men would like to have sex more often, which might lead to men discovering crazy things that make them excited that they would not have otherwise discovered had they restricted them selves to a sexual act less than once or twice a day.
so my WAG is that men have more fedishes because they engage in sexual activites more often, and therefore are morelikely to discover a deviant behaviour that they like.
Like reading, most people like reading lots of different kinds of books, but people with fetishes like reading Sci Fi best of all, and cann;t enjoy a book unless it is Sci Fi. A person who reads lots of books would discover Sci Fi sooner than a person who reads few books.
I don’t think you’re going to get a very satisfying answer, because I don’t think the question has been objectively addressed, but you might want to write to Dan Savage of the sex advice column “Savage Love.” It’s a very insightful column and he responds to a variety of women with fetishes also.
I think Mathochist is closest to the mark. I think men feel less restricted by societal expectations. This may allow more fetishes to develop, or may just allow their expression more. YMMV. 
PC
I dunno. I’ve known enough women who confessed to me that they liked to be spanked, or handcuffed or dominated in other ways, that I’m not sure I agree that only men get sexual fetishes.
what khadaji said. Men tend to just be more up-front with their fetishes. Women tend to not be in the market for magazines or DVDs showing their particular interests, which is how the popularity of male fetishes tend to be enumerated. But female paraphilias certainly are common. Spanking and bondage are rather common as are (surprisingly) encounters with cats.
Here’s a good paper on the topic: Richards, A. K. (1990) ‘Female Fetishes and Female Perversions; Hermine Hug-Hellmuth’s “A Case of Female Foot or More Properly Boot Fetishism” Reconsidered’, Psychoanalytic Review, vol. 77 (1) Spring 1990 (pp. 11-23.)
And here’s a link contrasting female fetishism to Freud’s theory on fetishism and castration anxiety: http://www.shef.ac.uk/~psysc/uaps/fetish.htm
I agree. The reason why most sexual fetishism is presented as male is because most sexuality overall is presented as male. There are plenty of kinky chicks out there – go read some slash, for example.
It’s just not as socially acceptable for women to bring this up. I’m female, and I have never felt as comfortable talking about my sexual wants in a casual way as guys often do (either with female friends or with male friends). Women are much less likely to outwardly comment about finding someone attractive, for example; that doesn’t mean that we aren’t thinking about that. Female sexual drive and sexual interest is really downplayed in our society. 'cause, ahem, we are quite interested in that, too.
Actually, this reminds me that the term might need some clarification. Are we talking about the colloquial use of “fetish” as “unusual sexual practices” or in the more original sense of “unusual sexual practice needed for sexual performance”? People toss around the term “fetish” for, say, an interest in bondage. A true bondage fetishist, however, would be unable to perform at all without bondage being involved.
Not into breath play here, but I think I can answer than one. A woman who wants to be choked can more easily find somebody to choke her than a man could. When there are two parties involved, it’s safer. The big ‘rush’ in death play is the risk of death and the loss of control. When you have somebody else to choke you, it’s out of your hands - you have to trust the other person to stop choking at the right time. That’s the safety outlet - the “choker” knowing when to stop.
A person who is unable to find somebody to choke them and tries to do it themselves is taking a huge risk. In order to effect the loss of control, that person is going to have to cut off their own breathing in a way that they can’t easily escape on their own. If they pass out, they’re screwed because there’s nobody there to rescue them.
Why is it going to be easier for a woman to find a partner in this? Strength. This kind of play really requires that the “choker” be stronger than the “chokee”. Face it, even entering into this kind of activity consensually, there is going to be a point, well before the edge of unconsciousness, where the chokee is desperately going to want to take a breath. The body will override your brain’s desire for this, and will begin to fight to take a breath. A male “choker” is going to be better able to restrain a female partner. A female would be far less able to restrain a male chokee. So a man who wants to be choked is going to have to find another man to choke him, really only an option for a gay man, or else try to do it himself - and that’s very dangerous.
Um…I thought it was because women couldn’t get hard-ons.
Poetgrrl, in my experience, it’s women who are into all the weird fetish stuff.
Then again, I don’t really ask any of the guys I know what they need to get off.
Are we getting exotic sex play confused with fetishism here? I think poetgrrl was speaking of fetishes along the lines of a foot fetishist, an underwear fetishist, getting turned on by pictures of women smoking, etc. Do women have these types of fetishes? I’ve never heard of it if so.
Sorry, poetgrrl. I wasn’t intending to speak for you, and I intended to include that in my previous post, but hit submit too soon.
My understanding is that the association that develops into fetishism is specifically related to testosterone - fetishism (of the true sort - the variety that makes it impossible to orgasm without the stimulus in question) can develop in fairly mundane ways. It’s just a conditioned response to a particular stimulus, one that doesn’t relate directly to the ‘sexual act’. But the biology to form the strong association between a stimulus and sexual arousal seems to be much stronger in men, and I’d imagine that it relates to the male tendency to focus more on physical aspects of sex in general, while women tend to require more in terms of emotional connection.
This is basically just a WAG, though, and if you’re talking about kinkiness in general rather than true fetishism, I’d suspect the numbers aren’t as skewed as you might think. However, it does seem like I haven’t heard of many cases of true fetishism in women.
You might also want to check out OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). As I have read (American Scientist, I’ll try and find out which issue for you - but do a web search), it shows a slight bias in favour of males. It could also explain (at least partly) why men tend to obsess over things more often than women.
Again, I posit that this has more to do with women not being as forthcoming and society not as willing to publicize such cases. Men are already “dirty”, so there’s nothing lost in admitting a guy has a fetish.
I’m not sure if these qualify as fetishes, but I knew a woman who would not engage in lovemaking unless she had her favorite socks on. She did have OCD and I always assumed this was part of that same deal in some way. I also knew a woman who had more or less the opposite reaction in that she could not feel comfortable with sex unless her feet were uncovered. No “between the sheets” for her! These aren’t along the same lines of, say, a shoe fetish, but they were conditions that must be met for gratification.
I just can’t get this vision out of my head – A woman’s feline pet dressed in leathers standing over her with the handle of a leather strap in its mouth. Brings new meaning to being pussy-whipped by a cat-o-nine-tails …
Carry on.
Like it is for men?
If I was in conversation with my friends about beating off while hanging from a noose with a dildo up my ass*, I would be killed. Believe me. If you’re a women, you’d be considered freaky. If you’re a man, you’re a freak and should die.
*I DON’T DO THAT BY THE WAY!!!