Why don't 'nice guys' get laid?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

“Nice guy syndrome” can be incredibly frustrating to suffer from. As you might expect there is no sure fire cure. Do not become an asshole even though that seems like a way out. Do not be a doormat. Part of the problem may be from being easily manupulated by women you know. Have confidence in yourself but not to the point of arrogance.

In the end though the trials you go through now will make you a better person. High school is not supposed to be the high point of your life.

They don’t call me the colonel because I’m some dumb ass army guy.

22

Man, it’s too bad Drain’s not around to post on this one.

He weathered a firestorm of agony and did not break.
And while Yori raged against his unbending
courage, we took Kyuden Hiruma back.
His loss is great, but so is the gift his suffering brought.
-Yakamo’s Funeral

23

TennHippie’s right-- college is much beter. They’ve weeded out most of the jocks and the cool kids from HS (depending on the college) so all the former geeks finally get to be themselves and get to know each other and act like they’re not pariahs but worth something. College for me was a great big party full of geeks like me, and it was a hoot.

24

Gee guys, I don’t know about all the stuff you’ve said above, but from my experience getting laid is a sales job. If getting laid is your only goal, it’s just a game of numbers.

Perfect example… my friend “George” from high school. Biggest dumbass in the whole town. He got laid ALL THE TIME. Why? Because he hit on every attractive girl that came within smelling distance. He also got rejected more than anybody too. But for a count of number of times getting laid… he won hands down.

25

Hmm last I heard nice guys finished last…so go figure. I thought they would prolly get laid more often for that reason alone!

I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!

26

I think that since the question is about “getting laid” rather than having a meaningful relationship that you have to look at it from the perspective of a “chiK” that’s only looking to get laid.
If you’re all “nice” and “sensitive” and “caring” then she’s gotta’ figure that It’s likely to get “messy” when she dumps you.
With a jerk, she can just say “not if you were the last bean-dick twirp on the planet” … and he goes, “oh yeah?..well blow me” … and that’s that. Nobody gets all gooey and jumps off the roof over it.

If nothing else works, try this:
Go up to a group of “chiX”.
…and say, “so which one of you dumb sluRps craves me the most?”

You rarely get laid with that method, but if you’re quick, you can cop a feel while they’re beating you senseless.

… just trying to help…

27

I have a friend who says the same thing about nice guys finishing last. The problem is that he really doesn’t fit into the nice guy catagory. For one thing, he tries way too hard to get dates (and is obvious about it). He also is looking for sex first, then a relationship if the sex is good(mixed up priorities). When I bring these points up to him he gets defensive and thinks it sucks that people can see through his facade.

Most of the above posters have giving you excellent advice (Fretful Porpentine hit the nail on the head). Just make sure that your motives aren’t purely selfish. And relax.

28

I’m attracted to plenty of nice guys. In fact, the type of guys whom I most often fall for are: intelligent, funny, sweet, somewhat removed from the whole popular clique, individualistic, and most importantly, the type that are going somewhere in life. At this age, I may be in the minority, but the other girls will come around soon enough.

However, many of the so-called “nice guys” I know are not nice. They’re just pathetic, desperate, whiny guys who try too hard and wind up smothering the girl before they’re even together. DON’T DO THAT!

Of course you aren’t going to attract a girl when you’re there every damn time she turns around. Don’t follow her, don’t call her every 10 seconds. You don’t need to e-mail her thrice a day, or send a billion IMs. Stop writing her four notes a day professing how your life would be so much better if she would only look at you. It’s not necessary for you to offer to carry her books between each class, or help her out whenever she’s having a bit of trouble. All of that is annoying, it isn’t nice.
-Lanna

29

I know a lot of nice guys in the same position. Strangely, they are only attracted to women who are far better looking than they are. These women have the pick of any man they want; why would they choose a guy who ‘just wants to get laid’, no matter how nice he is?

30

Ohoh people are implying that men are nice just to get sex. haha, no this isn’t why.

However there are some guys who push the niceness waaayy to far, lying to extremes to be nice, getting whatever it is they want and then dump the girl. Is it any wonder women are cautious about nice guys after that?

31

Wow, it’s been months since I’ve been on here, and I find a topic I’m actually an expert at.
I’m a nice guy. I was all through high school. And ya know what, I didn’t have a single long-term relationship in high school. There were a couple girls who liked me, but nothing ever panned out.
I went off to college, and just after my freshman year I went to a gay club (I’m quite straight) and there I met the girl I would date for the next 7 months.
And yeah, I got laid too.
When I got dumped, she wasn’t even sure why she did it, because all her friends told her I was the sweetest guy around.
I’ve found that “nice guys” usually have problems dating because…

Fear of rejection. I know it stopped me from getting several dates.

They’re perfectionists. You always want the moment to be perfect, which it NEVER will be.

You fall in love too easily. I had a crush on a girl for TWO YEARS in high school and got nothing out of it. All it did was prevent me from trying to date anyone else.

What I did in my first relationship was I didn’t try to become friends first with her. The next time I saw her after our first meeting was our first date.

And let me tell you, once you have your first long relationship you become so much better at getting things going. After getting dumped, the pain of being rejected for a date seemed like a pin prick. You also know a little more about what to do.

And the opportunities to get laid become much more common. The coolest part is, I’m still the same nice guy.

So just hold on and enjoy high school. You’ll get what’s coming to you soon enough.

32

Two things:

Like many have pointed out before, there’s a big difference between being a Nice Guy and being a desperate, needy, clingy, uncentered wimp willing to amputate parts of himself in order to get approval (or get laid).

Also, don’t be friends first. Women (in an enormously generalize sort of way) tend to lump men in to two different categories: friends and lovers. Friends are trusted with a nearly immediate emotional intimacy that takes a lover months, maybe years, to achieve. If you want to go out with a girl, approach her as a romantic interest, not as a friend. Sure, being her friend will get you in her head, and you’ll find all sorts of deep, secret details about her heart, but you’ll never be in a place to use them.

Will work for sig line.

33

My, my, and Alpha claims MPSIMS doesn’t address real issues…

Rory, to address the intent of your question, nice guys most assuredly do get laid, repeatedly and with much joy. But it may take a while. (Just the answer you were looking for, huh?) But it will take a while and a shitload of explication, which you were expecting on this board anyway…

Though many disguise it well, young girls as fully screwed up, confused and misdirected as young guys. The studly/beautiful icons are even more screwed up, because they don’t even know it. They’ve caught an easy surface eddy and think they know the river. HAH! Everybody is pretty much looking for all the right things in all the wrong places.

That, sad to say, is life. It’ll clear up some, but don’t expect miracles. Just hang in. It’ll never be easy or obvious, but it sure keeps things interesting. (::gentle koff:: notice how many mystified, in the world, independent adults here are just as puzzled by exactly your question?)

Honest answer, here: go your own way and find your own interests and passions. People of any age respond to strength. Knowing who you are and what matters to you is power, and it’ll fuel you. Give it some time, and concentrate on what and who you are. Then stand back, because girls will gravitate to you like magnets.

Okay, maybe not in the next few months or even years. But are you going for the long run or not? (I sniff disdainfully at suggestions that you rub glands with some poor girl who is just as confused as you are right now. Gentlemen don’t exploit! And neither do ladies…)

Grow into your own skin and capabilities. And then meet your female counterparts on equal and giving grounds.

(on rereading this, I sound like the demented offspring of Dr. Ruth and Yoda. Shit, save your ammo for when it matters. I’m tired. Someone else take over now…)

Veb

34

The smell of Desperation will send any able-minded female fleeing far, far away. This was as true when I was in high school, back in the Dark Ages, as it is now. Self-confidence is definitely what women like, and intelligence and wit. All this is learned through life experience. All I can advise is patience, do good in studies and go to college and do things you like, and girls will like you as more than a friend. Two additional comments younger readers should take note of from my vast reservoir of experience: 1) You will look back at those people in high school you yearned after/dated/laid/married, and think, “God, what was I thinking?”. 2) Those guys who think they are hot shit on a stick and attract the gals in droves are projecting self-confidence all right - but it’s an illusion, an acting job, to get what they want. Which will change when they’re done with you, ladies. They are not nice.

35

Or you could ask your dad to get you a hooker.

36

Or you could ask your dad to get you a hooker.

The ever insensitive, politically incorrect PitBullDawg. Political correctness is a disease. Cure it with the truth.

37

I’ve heard this question before, and, as a recognized inexpert on this subject (ask anybody – they’ll tell you) I believe that most of the replies above contain good advice. Which ones? You figure it out.

Here’s a link to a fairly entertaining dissertation on the difference between the sexes by John Scalzi (a moderately famous writer and former/current “nice guy”):

<center>The Real Story.

If it doesn’t help, at least you should get a laugh out of what he says. Pay particular attention to “Why Do Teenage Girls Date Jerks?”

–Baloo

APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
– Ambrose Bierce
http://members.tripod.com/~Bob_Baloo/index.htm

38

Nice guys don’t get laid because they don’t ask.

But don’t listen to me. I’m suffering from no-second-date syndrome. I get a lot of dates, but I never get second dates (sometimes I do, but that would mean I don’t get a third date.) I think my problem is I’m looking to get married and I have become somewhat picky. Either that or it is a general loss of interest in romantic relationships. I become over-critical of the girl, and when I ask them out the second time (usually about 2 weeks later, after I’ve sobered up enough), in a transparently non-chalant manner, I usually get rejected. And, of course, spending every night getting plastered at the bar doesn’t help much, either.

But I have a plan, I’m gonna stop drinking and… Wait, what the hell am I talking about?

Anyway, BigRory, you just gotta have the courage to ask. And I’m sure you’ll get a second date, no problem.

As for me, I’m gradually coming to the conclusion that beer is better than women.

  1. Beer doesn’t complain
  2. A beer won’t yell at you for coming home smelling like another beer.
  3. A beer doesn’t care if you’ve forgotten its born on date.
  4. A beer won’t nag you with the question, “So when are we gonna get married!?”
  5. And, a beer will keep quiet while you sample other beers.

There’s always another beer.

39

Oh, I just have to reply to this. No bullshit this time.

Man! I was a ‘nice guy’ for ages. In school I was bookish, quiet, nerdy, somewhat wimpy and very, very shy. I did not cause any problems for the teachers, had a small, tight clique of friends who were similar and none of us did anything more troublesome than smoke cigarettes. Most of us were or had been Boy Scouts. When we were around, other wimpy guys who had been picked on by the school ‘thugs’ hung around us because we did not make fun of them.

We were probably the last of the ‘good guys’. Back then, we even went against the tide of anti-soldier feelings concerning our men in Vietnam. We even understood that the soldiers had no option but to go to war and would not damn them when they came home or participate in any ‘baby-killer’ demonstrations.

Ah, yes, ages and ages ago.

Nice guys do finish last, you know? Nice guys respect and adore the girls they never seem to get. Nice guys read everything intelligent that they can about sex, about male/female relationships and so on. Nice guys don’t get dates because the girls go flocking to the jocks, the studs, the guys in leather, the thugs and the future criminals of America at that age.

Nice guys are idiots.

Nice guys sit home a lot or hang out with other nice guys and talk about girls and watch some scrawny weirdo walk down the beach surrounded by 4 girls and wonder why. Nice guys believe in doing a good days work for a good days pay and get screwed by bosses. Nice guys don’t believe in ‘doing unto others before they do it to you’ and get slammed constantly by peer groups, sneered at by teachers, threatened by bullies in the halls and embarrassed before girls – a lot.

Nice guys become a treasure trove of unused information that their peers don’t care about and they don’t use until years later. Nice guys will often pump iron to build up and discover that while they get stronger, they don’t develop the massive muscles other guys seem to. Nice guys perform acts of heroism that no one sees or cares about. Nice guys don’t make fun of cripples, ‘odd’ kids, wall flowers or act racist. Nice guys are often creative, imaginative, gentle and perceptive.

Nice guys, when older, are the ones who girls turn to when they get smashed, need a shoulder to cry on, someone to understand and to listen to who will not take advantage of them. After they dump all over the nice guy they go out and screw Joe Stud.

Nice guys loose girlfriends because ‘they didn’t try anything on them.’ Girls consider nice guys like ‘brothers’ – which does nothing for the nice guy. Girls often tell nice guys that they are so NICE that they cannot believe the guy is not married and then they go away to get laid by the thug in the leather jacket from high school.

WHEN a nice guy finally does get laid, it often is either a sympathy lay, a challenge lay (because he is still a virgin at 21), or a revenge lay (a girl getting back at her selfish surfer boyfriend) or a lay by some girl who is nuttier than a loon and probably drunk.

Nice guys drive drunken girls home from a bar without trying anything. Nice guys repair female neighbors cars without trying to seduce them. Nice guys fix soup for platonic girl friends who are sick and give it to them and are ignored when they get sick. Nice guys work hard to repair the tarnished reputation of wild girls, never get laid by them, often succeed in their efforts only to observe the girl get attached to some Macho Man and forget all about them and their efforts.

Nice guys listen a lot and often hear about how there are no good guys ‘out there’ and wonder why the girl never considers them. Nice guys hurt a lot quietly. Nice guys often get told by girls ‘you’re such a nice friend that I don’t want to ruin it with sex’ and then nice guys go and pound their head against a wall for a time.

Nice guys get lonely and actually physically ache in their younger years to be held by some loving woman, dream of having a girl help clean their apartment, actually cook THEM a meal, of finding little feminine things hanging from the shower rod, smelling perfume, hairspray or strange, flowery soap on their pillow cases. They LONG to get little cards in the mail written in a girls hand with ‘I love you’ above the signature, crave sending flowers to that significant other and find it hard to shop without seeing a million ‘impulse gifts’ they would love to buy to send to that special lady. They see macho men with girls dropping in unexpectedly and getting their eyeballs screwed loose almost every night and dream of having at least one who would do that.

Nice guys might defend someone weaker and get the living shit beaten out of them and spend hours in the hospital, hours having their face wired back together and weeks eating liquid meals and taking pain pills and no ‘special’ girl cares. Nice guys sometimes encounter the cool chick’s selfish boyfriend harassing her and stupidly jumps in to ‘defend her honor’ only to get trashed thoroughly because he happens to be bigger and the girl and guy go off afterwards and fuck. THEN, later she goes to see the ‘nice guy,’ coos briefly over his bruises, then drunkenly unloads all of her dislikes about her boyfriend and goes to sleep in the nice guys bed and no sex takes place.

After a time, the Nice Guy changes. He stops getting involved and starts treating girls like other guys do and gets laid more often. He starts goofing off at work and gets promotions. He starts looking more for just a fuck than a relationship and finds them. He can’t change completely, but has to watch himself because when he starts going back to a real nice guy, the girls run like hell.

The nice guy drinks a lot, hits the bars and strip clubs and starts having fun. Its just that something is missing, and the Nice guy knows it. The next time he gets into a fight, he fights dirty and wins. The next time he is attacked he pulls a knife on the attacker and has him arrested. The Nice guy tries to understand the problems of another race and gets treated badly by them and becomes bigoted and stops trying to understand. The ex-nice guy learns of hookers and drugs, dancers and pimps, small time criminals, how to manipulate others and how to take advantage of them.

The ex-nice guy knows something is wrong, but when he applies himself, he is no longer lonely and people don’t take advantage of him. He also learns how to listen to a girl tell him her problems and to shrug them off and how to seduce.

He still hears girls complaining about how there are no Nice Guys about anymore and grins sarcastically, knowing that the girls are full of shit and wouldn’t see a nice guy if one walked up and smacked them in the face.

The ex-nice guy goes on.

NICE GUYS finish last. It’s a fact of nature.

Mark
“Think of it as Evolution in action.”

40

Sounds to me it’s more like “sullen, bitter guys finish last.”

Once you let go of your anger and preconcieved notions about the sexes, and just relax, and be yourself, you’ll find that women will be attracted to you.

Hey, it happened to me. :smiley:

Sealemon88. (Still a nice guy)

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.