Why don't 'nice guys' get laid?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m in high school (and by that i mean not of marrying age… not for me anyway) and when dealing with women am generally a sensitive caring individual. Why is it, then, that i can’t get a girlfriend? I have managed to convince myself that it’s because I am a little overweight… but ALL of my female amigos (of which i have an abundance… all platonic) insit that that has nothing to do with a girls’ decision process ( or at least very little) and my buddy whpo has a similar personality and is much better looking has the same problem. So what’s the deal? And how should a pair of nice guys go about finding some girls to date? Muy grazi.

“C’mon, it’s not even tomorrow yet…” - Rupert

If you need a graphic solution, http:\ alk.to\Piglet

2

You shouldn’t be worrying about getting laid. You should concern yourself with getting good grades, being accepted to a top-notch college, finding a decent job and making something of yourself. Rise above the rabble that surrounds you and set aside the fleeting pleasures of youth in your quest for more lasting satisfactions. Become a leader for your peers, not merely a mindless follower in a dissolute generation.

Or you could just whack off a lot.

The Dave-Guy
“since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx

3

Relax. Concentrate on the things you enjoy doing. Stay focused on your goals. As you progress, you’ll become more self-confident. It’s that confidence that will ultimately attract people to you.

4

These things are all good advice… advice that i have heard a million friggin times from all of said female friends. GRanted, i should be spending more time on my school work, it being the opinion of my mother, her sister and most of my teachers that I’m not meeting my “enormous potential” (plah… homework sux). Ego aside, why can’t i have a meaningful relationship (not just getting laid - - which would be nice too)?

“C’mon, it’s not even tomorrow yet…” - Rupert

If you need a graphic solution, http:\ alk.to\Piglet

5

Hmmm, trying hard to remember my high school years, but I will give it a shot.

I am 31 now, and the sweetest, kindest yet less than attractive guys (according to this week’s People Magazine) are, at my age, the most attractive to me. They have more to offer than a perfect hairstyle and a nice car. They offer something intelligent to discuss. They offer a sense of peace in this me, me, me world.

Now when I was in high school, I was not a beauty, but “cute.” But then again, I hung out with a crowd where we all meshed, I had my platonic guy friends.

Way back when (oh geez) it was appropriate to date the blonde good looking guys, the football players, the cutest dude. I ended up “going out” with some of the strangest guys that I bet today are the biggest loosers. Why? Well, I think it has something to do with peer pressure and the need for a girl of her teens to feel sexy and wanted. Teen girls, especially now, have this intense need to prove that she’s prettier and that she can’t be seen with what her peers see as a less attractive guy.

Unfortunately, it took me a long time to realize that this was bogus thinking. Yes, it was apparent in the 80s, full of excess and material things.

Don’t fear. Awkward girls think the same thing and it’s not genetics, it’s society.

I went to my 10 reunion in 96 and was shocked by how much people had changed. Some of the then “ugly ducklings” had blossomed to beautiful swans. Most of those people had a better grasp than those who were popular. They, for the most part, were more successful and more content in their lives.

Don’t be in a hurry to be with a girl because you feel less than what they desire. You will come into your own and will be content in the knowledge that you have better things to focus on, you. Yes, having that girlfriend would be nice, but if I had been less involved in what I looked like, what guy I was dating in high school, my life might have turned out different and for the better.

So, BigRoyG, be confident in yourself. Believe in yourself. Don’t focus on getting a date, focus on having fun with your friends. Who knows, one of those platonic girl friends might see past all that crap and see you for you…but then again you have your hormones to contend with…

6

sniff Smell that? It’s the pungent odor of a MPSIMS thread in this sacred forum of intellect and apathy.

Buck up, buddy. Just become an asshole. It’s much easier than being nice and the young ladies come a-runnin’.

Of course after a divorce or two and the urge to own a neonate kicks in, they wise up and start looking for the same nice guys that they rebuffed decades earlier.

Or you can always go gay. The social persecution’s a bitch, but the wardrobes are fabulous.

If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.

7

I hope that came across right…

8

Maybe because you’re looking at your female “amigas” as potential long-term relationships and not just enjoying their company. Listen to them and lighten up. Don’t waste your high school years in a funk. Hang out with girls, go on a few dates, have fun! There’s plenty of time to settle down later.

9

Never ask a woman for advice on how to get a woman. They always say the same things – be nice, be smart, be gentle.

What girls love is a nice, funny guy with a natural self-confidence. Unfortunately, in high school and college (and a through a lot of the rest of life) the guys with natural self-confidence are usually assholes.

Unfortunately, girls don’t smell assholes nearly as quickly as they smell, let’s use the word, “wimps,” even when the assholes are bad for them and the wimps are good.

During my nerdy high school years, the only times I was attractive to women was during the times I was doing something I honestly liked and was good at. During those times I was smart, funny, and had an air of quiet self-confidence. Chicks dug it. The rest of the time, I was still smart and funny, but a loser.

So my advice is to find something you like, get good at it, try and become a leader at it, and see if that doesn’t put you in a better life. If that means the girls you attract are fellow members of the glee club, debate squad, band or whatever else – hey, that means you also share common interests.

10

dude- i am also of high skool age and a bit overweight. oh, and i also have a hard time getting laid. if there’s one thing i have learned so far, its this- if ur looking for a real relationship in HS, u can 4get it. its not gonna happen. i think that most high skool students have no idea who they are or what the hell is going on in the world around them. therefore, ur not gonna find a lot of intelligence in an average, everyday high skool. thats why my advice is dont bother. meaningful relationships dont occur in high skool.

but i guess if ur desperate to get laid, u could try to exploit the girls with little or no self esteem. i havent tried it, but im willing to bet it works.

if somebody thinks im being a bit sexist, well im sorry, but im trying to help get a fellow teenager laid.

oh- if u do get laid, let me know all the dirty details. i need some way to fill my sad, lonely life.

11

Some random thoughts:

I don’t think high school students should “get laid”.

“Nice guys” end up getting married and having lots of great kids of their own. You’re too young to be thinking of such things.

Generally, the kids who were “popular” in HS end up the biggest failures later in life. Whatever makes them popular in HS doesn’t seem to work in real life.

Try to read some good books on chimp behavior and animal behavior in general. Learn about “alpha males”, “beta males”, and “gamma males”, and why the “gamma males” get to breed the most.

As long as you’re convinced that you’re not worthy of a particular girl, you will will convey this feeling to her (and this may be a good thing if you’re intelligence enough to realize that you’re not ready for sex).

I hope this helps.

12

rory, have you tried discussing this specifically w/ any of those amigas? i mean, not asking what girls look for but asking why you in particular aren’t getting any attention. is there one with whom you feel you have a closer or more platonic relationship, one who is more outspoken? she might have some insight. just a thought.

& for what it’s worth, altho i can’t deny casting lascivious looks at some hunk that walks by (& actually married one of the h.s. football stars), i’m always happier dating the rather less handsome guys, the reason being that they are not only more interesting to talk w/ but are always better in bed than the studs. of course, you can figure out why: the beauties are so used to women wanting to be w/ them, wanting to be seen w/ them, that they never have to put any effort into being good to be w/. (i suspect the same thing goes for the really gorgeous girls, too.)

for a lot of people it takes a while for this fact to become apparent. that’s the bad news. the good news is that it does become apparent eventually for most people. hang in there. & when the occasion arises (pun intended) be sure you have thoroughly memorized that book on sex you picked up at the library!

13

hey dlv-
interesting point about alpha, beta, gamma males. i never really thought of that on a human level. it reminds me of Huxley’s Brave New World. lots and lots of epsilons and not too many double plus alphas. whoa, thats heavy…

14

Big Rory, buddy, it’s not that complicated. Jerk offs are jerk offs usually because they possess far more confidence than they do ability. They simply back themselves up and ask the question, and woman love a confidant man because they love a confidant lover. Now, the nice guy gives the lady far too much time and as a consequence doesn’t strike while the ‘irons’ hot :slight_smile: So whats a nice guy in high school supposed to do? Well, masterbate to your groins content for a start, then, trust me, it’s worth waiting for the woman whose smart enough to go for the nice guy…they ARE out there! It took me 'til I was thirty to find mine! Just don’t get bitter about being alone, get better! (and lose some weight, that’ll help the confidence and then your proverbial ball will start rolling)

15

**BigRoryG **says he’s a high school student who’s “generally a sensitive caring individual.”

Someboby ditched school when oxymorons were taught.

16

My somewhat smartass previous response notwithstanding, I feel I must honestly reply, given the variety of “helpful” suggestions contained in this thread.

People, I know you mean well when you give advice, but for Rory to ask his female acquaintences what they look for is no different than his asking US what girls look for.

I think the best advice, which has already been given, is to stay involved in that which he enjoys, be it certain clubs or certain types of people/activities. I say this not because it will gain him self-confidence or help him make friends who share common interests, but because it is the most honest thing he can do for himself.

Rory, you’re barely 1/4 of the way through your life expectancy. Don’t blow the other 3/4 by becoming bitter or trying to mold yourself in someone else’s image. It would be tragic if you tried to live a lie, and doesn’t speak well of the image you have of yourself. Right now you may feel the most important thing in your life would be getting a little action or having some cute chick clinging to your arm. You may gain that, but lose yourself in the process. What price popularity?

Peer pressure is insidious. Somehow it makes people you see infrequently and for brief periods more important than your own self, whom you have to live with 24/7/365.

In the words of the immortal bard, “This above all, to thine own self be true.”

The Dave-Guy
“since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx

17

Author John Grey (of “men are from mars…” fame), in the book “Making Peace w/ the opposite sex, Men Women and Relationships” goes into this. to sumerise men and women are diffrent, not just physical but in their interactions with others.
men and women have difrent traits and habits, they are attracted to each other by wanting to furfill the opposite traits. if a man (or a high school boy for that matter) acts with femimine traits, then the women would see that man as maby someone to talk to, but not one to meet her needs and climb in bed with. You can either dump the sensitivity or find a masculine woman, one who has your opposite traits. I recomend reading this as it will give you insite into the inner workings of the female mind.
Grey has some other books that might be more applicable to you, but I have not read them, so your on your own on them

Some more ramblings

having been in high school, I know the drive and the peer pressure to get laid is like . I have not told you the above to help that as I think you should not be involved it that activity yet. Also to truly change will take practice and time, So maby you will be in college when you finally get it right.

Probally you were taught that M & W were equal and whatever a man can do a women can do. Also you were taught that all men were created equal. just thinking about that you have to realise that nothing is equal, some are always better at something then others… Equality is a human value not a natural one. the goal (purpose) of life in the natural world (without God’s or Man’s intervention)is basically to live long enought to reproduce, nothing equal here.

18

Nice guys get laid. Yes, they do.

Just gotta recognize the female signals for mating.

I might say, don’t look for the mating, let the mating look for you.

19

If it’s any consolation, it gets better in college.

20

Speaking as a chick … well, it’s hard to say without knowing you in real life, but it sounds like you’re trying too hard. Desperation is not attractive. Contrary to popular belief, most girls have nothing against genuinely nice guys … but we can tell when a guy is merely acting nice because he wants to get us into bed. You don’t want to gather flowers constantly and come each time she calls, because she’ll know that can’t be your real personality. The only girls you’ll get by oozing sweetness and sensitivity are the ones who don’t care whether you have an ulterior motive, and you’re better off being alone than being with one of those. Just act like yourself and the right lady will come along in time … meanwhile, there’s more to life than relationships.

\\| |/
=== '>