Why, Hasbro, why? (A Transformers 2 thread)

You have a lucrative brand. You wish to sell as many toys as possible. My kids LOVE transformers and LOVED the first movie. They’re both six. Tell me why I either have to edit 3 minutes out of the movie or

instruct my kids in the ways of humping dogs, hash brownies, ‘bustin cherries’, black-face robots, and lapdancing robots with razorblade tails?

Is it because you want to sell a $100 toy and think the target demographic doesn’t have that kinda scratch?

I don’t think your kids are in the target demographic.

This was quite possibly THE WORST movie I have ever seen. We just rented it yesterday and we literally fast forwarded though the last half hour and felt like we pretty much “got it”.

It was bad on so many levels, not the least of which was the sophmoric humor mentioned in the OP. And it isn’t that that kind of humor is necessailry bad, but man in this movie it was horrible. Megan Fox shouldn’t be acting in a kindergarten tribute to fruits and vegetables much less a multi-million dollar blockbuster. The writing was bad, the plot was ridiculous and convoluted, the action sequences were ridiculous (seriously how much punishment can a human body take? In this movie…pretty much indestructable). And it was almost two and ahalf hours long.

Arrgghh, my final words will amost certainly be, “Shit! I can’t belive I wasted two hours watching that shit.” Then death rattle and cut.

Which strikes me as a stupid marketing flub. Sure, 10 years and up, with a PG-13 rating…then why the McDonald’s Happy Meal tie-in?

Well, if they liked the first movie, I assume then that you’ve already instructed them on the ways of masturbating, flipping people off, 40-year-old virgins, copys of Busty Beauties under the bed, bros before hos, and lubricating authority figures.

If movie 3 is solid GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING, no exposition, jokes, or humans, Michael Bay will still owe me $8 and an apology on bended knee for wasting my time on the suckhole that is movie 2.

I’d agree with that, with two exceptions:

[li]It can have giant robots doing other things, as long as it’s in character. Note: Optimus Prime CdG’ing a defeated enemy with a Bond one-liner is not in character.[/li][li]It can have meatbags, as long as they’re operating tanks or other military vehicles.[/li][/ul]

Most of that goes over their heads. Two ethno-centric gold tooth’d robots and a lapdance…not so much.

ETA: And old white guys in thongs <shudder>

Funny, I thought the second one was far superior to the first.

I think they have done a truly horrid job targeting any specific demographic. If the movies are meant for kids why so much adult sexuality. If the movies are meant for adults why do they fail so horribly at giving us any sense of nostalgia.

The only thing the movies seem to have in common with our childhood memories of the cartoons is the names of the transformers. Most of robots have no personalty or even speaking roles.

I still think the original Transformers the Movie is far superior then these pieces of crap. Better story, better characters, better actors(well voices anyway), though the music leaves something to be desired.

Because you’re leaving out the demographic it IS for: Teen Boys.




Agree 100%, btw. I think they even screwed up a number of the names, now that you mention it. I mean, if you call him Bumblebee but he’s a different car and he has a different personality, he’s not really Bumblebee is he?

I got Transformers 2 to watch with the Rifftrax. I’m 40 minutes in and I have lost all hope for humanity…

It’s appeasers like you that ruin the franchise. GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING! That’s all we need.

The real question is:

Why Michael Bay? WHY?!

As in why would anyone ever give this hack another movie to make, EVER?

Bay can eat a bag of dicks.

Whelp, so far he’s thwarting my every effort to rip a copy so I can edit out the crap. I guess I’ll be holding off on showing the movie until it’s on TNN.

If a film is 100% crap can you really edit it out?

Yeah, I knew what you meant…

It’s 100% crap to a bunch of people. For six year old boys, it’s BIG ROBOTS FIGHTING PLUS dogs humping, plus a guy in thong…

Luckily, the homophobic stuff should sail right over their heads.

you forgot the giant robot testicles.

Actually, that coulda been funny. Perfect breaking the fourth wall thing…didn’t turn out that way. :confused: