Why I hate cold weather...

The BBQ Pit
1

I hate cold weather. I hate to wear a coat. I hate to pay heating bills. I hate to scrape frost off my windshield. I hate for it to snow. I hate driving in it. (Luckily it doesn’t always snow here every year.) I hate having so many gray sunless days. I hate it that cold weather increases my appetite. The cold air dries my skin out. I lotion and lotion to no avail. I hate it.

Most of all I hate static electricity! It gets in my clothes. Worst of all it gets in my hair! Every time I touch something metal I get a small jolt. I see little girls at the mall running around with their hair on end looking like a bunch of walking science experiments! Don’t touch me you little semi-conductor! I’m not wearing anything synthetic and my hair is in place!

I can’t wait for Spring.

Needs2know

2

My lips get so god damn chapped, it looks like someone hit me in the face with a meat tenderizer.

3

Dont even fucking TALK about cold!!!

“. (Luckily it doesn’t always snow here every year.)”

Fuck off - you dont even KNOW cold!!!

My goddamn hand stuck to the car door this morning.

fucking canada

4

That I got my hand unstuck from the door to the car. It is so damm warm that I had to take off one layer of clothes to get to my first usable pocket instead of two layers. It is so warm that the tires were flat on one side for only 2 miles instead of all day. You whine about the cold Kelli? :::: sheesh :::::: what a baby. Canada is not as bad as the canadians wold like us to believe. It is all an act, just lioke there is a North Dakota… Ha! We know better.

Oh, and this is all lies… Never got below 33 today. and has been in the 50’s all afternoon…
Bwhahahahahahahahahahah!!!

5

But you can spell better than I can… Grrrrrrr

6

That line cracked me up! :slight_smile: Gives me a mental image of hordes of evil-grinning little tykes running up to people in the mall, touching them and screaming “ZAP”

7

I had nachos last night so first thing this morning I had a really nasty dump, and the toilet wouldnt flush - the incoming waterlines were frozen - beat THAT!

Global Warming my ass.

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Ewwwwwwwww kellibelli.

Do you have your own methods of gauging the temperature?

Like what’s the temp when snot freezes in your nose, and when the strap on your leather purse holds its shape when you take it off your shoulder? And smoking outside – how many puffs before your lungs stop working and your fingertips are frozen?

How does everyone cope? I don’t leave the house all weekend except to get the mail, and the garbage bag stays on the front porch until I go to work on Monday.

I always looked down my nose on people who go south for the winter (the snowbirds), but it’s starting to look damn good down there in Arkansas and Texas.

9

A rant against winter from one of your friendly neighbourhood Canucks…

I live somewhere where it just doesn’t get cold, it gets bone numbing, flesh freezing, really fucking cold… the kind of cold where your johnson just shrivels right up if you aren’t wearing the longjohns.

“(Luckily it doesn’t always snow here every year.)”.

I fucking wish that was true here. So…

We thought we were safe from that miserable fucker known as Old Man Winter but he came visiting yesterday with just a hint of what is surely to come. Imagine if you will the temperature plummeting from 0 to -20 degrees in a matter of a day and you might get some idea. To make things better he added a little breeze because cold just isn’t cold without another ten degrees of wind chill is it? Let’s not forget the little bit of powdery snow he tossed on us, this served to cover the ice on the roads left behind from the freezing rain a few days before. The drivers in this city are fucking maniacs on dry pavement so picture them navigating on a skating rink… imagine my reluctance to drive anywhere. It’s winter, the roads are icy… SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!

So I go out to warm up the van yesterday and realize that the boys have misplaced my touque. (No winter rant is worth anything without the mention of the word touque). A touque is a knitted woolen hat for anyone who’s wondering. It took an hour for me to get feeling back into my ears. There wasn’t a little frost on the van, it was a ton of fucking ice. And if you thought the van got shitty mileage before, it gets worse in the winter.

Our annual gas bill has nearly doubled over the last five years, what used to cost $500.00 a year now costs over $900.00. This really pisses me off because our gas is geting sold to the U.S. and that’s what drives the price up. No offense but the wrong people are getting gouged here. If you want our fuel you might have to start paying more. FUCK!

I absolutely hate winter and would like to smack the shit out of those snowmobilers and skiers who walk around praying for more god damn snow. The next dickwad who comes up to me and says “cold enuf for ya?” could get a snowshovel shoved up their ass. YES it’s fucking cold enough for me and the best part is that it is going to get way colder than this before spring comes to this part of the world.

The snot does freeze in your nostrils, the wind brings tears to your eyes and the tears freeze too. Come Monday the kids will be daring their not so bright friends to lick the stop sign poles.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!! Child #1 just came in the door (8 feet away) and ran up the stairs… left the doors wide open… feet are numb.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!!!

On the bright side, if we run out of freezer space I can always use the trunk of my car…

10

It’s 69 degrees in southern California today. Beautiful day it is, too. I’m wearing shorts and I just got back from Denny’s where I had a double decker hamburger like they use to have at Bob’s Big Boy. We had a light rain yesterday and it was kind of nice, actually. I have no idea why you people don’t just pack up and come here. There’s plenty of housing and plenty of work. If you miss the snow, you can drive to the San Bernardino mountains which are only about two hours away. You can ski and then get back to the nice weather again in the same day. If you head up the California coastline, you can experience what is certainly the most spectacular scenery on the planet. Everything is here. Amusement parks, everything. Why are you living in all of that cold???

11

I thought you didn’t do 69.

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When the ‘Big one’ hits and california slides into the ocean, I will answer that question…

Cold is the price we pay for a lack of earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, tornadoes etc.

13

I used to live in Florida, where it’s usually warm, sunny, and just a pleasant place to live.

I now live near Washington, DC, where it’s currently hovering around freezing now, windy, and fucking cold. My only complaint: there’s no snow.

I moved here of my own volition, because I wanted to experience all four seasons in a year. We have distinctive winters, springs, summers, and autumns. And, I love that. I might feel too cold in the winter, and too hot in the summer, but I love it.

And I love that. While I can’t complain at all about a gorgeous April day, when it’s 70F, sunny, with just a trace of a breeze, I wouldn’t want that every day. If I did, I’d live in San Diego.

When I hear people bitching about the weather, I tell them to move. Too hot in August? Wait until January. Too cold in December? Wait until July. Too nice in April? Wait until October, it’ll be the same again, except the leaves will be pretty.

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> When the ‘Big one’ hits and California slides into the ocean, I will answer that question… <

"The Big One." That's just what some people in California talk about so that you won't want to move here so that they can keep it all to themselves. I've been through a zillion earthquakes. They're fun when I notice them. Usually, I just sleep through them, though. And, if you're driving during an earthquake, you don't even notice it. All the buildings are earthquake safe, anyway.
A Hurricane has never made it to California. And, I've never heard of any tsunamis in southern California, either. We do get tornadoes on occasion, though, but no one has ever been killed by a tornado in California. The only thing that you have to worry about in California is the shark-attack that happens every two or threes years or so. Oh, and the occasional case of skin cancer.
15

The other thing you need to worry about is having JDT as a neighbour…

It’s fucking hot here. It was fucking hot at 6am and the humidity is unbelievable. It’s only gonna get hotter too. Praise the powers that be for swimming pools and air conditioning :smiley:

I do not miss the NZ winters at all.