With the advent of rapid transportation (cars, planes), atomized lifestyles, and the internet (things like Instagram and tinder have been particularly insidious), with a healthy dose of feminism thrown in and an increasingly anti-male culture, the common man has less of a chance of success at this game than ever before. And then there are males like me who, for whatever reason, find themselves completed left out and excluded.
I’m 25 years old without so much as a single date to my name. So I never really even got in the “game” to begin with. But I have no motivation to- I just despise everything it is. The 2018 dating/mating game can be described in the following ways: fickle, superficial, intensely competitive, hyper-convoluted, aggravating, toxic, ridiculous. I believe this ‘game’ brings out all the worst qualities in people.
It is different than it was before the advent of social media and smartphones. I was never good at dating for various reasons, but women seemed much more approachable 10-20 years ago. But then again, my looks have declined since then too so I’m sure thats part of the problem. But it feels like people are much more replaceable in the age of social media when it comes to dating.
But the age of easy validation has skewed the marketplace a bit. Also 25 is a little young to be giving up.
If you’re 25, how on earth would you know how approachable women were 20 years ago? I refuse to believe you were a swinger at 5, for the sake of my own sanity if nothing else.
You know that there are the same number of women as men, right? And that when women and men get together romantically, it’s almost always in 1:1 proportions? How, then, can a large number of one sex be “shut out of the game”?
Anyone who can convince themselves that others CAN’T read the how hostile they are to the process that is dating, is pretty deep in delusion territory, in my humble opinion.
Back to the OP, I actually do believe that modern life has changed the ‘dating game’ - but I think the OP is representative of the problem on both sides of the gender line. Instant gratification is expected of things nowadays, and people are used to expecting perfection. Both of these things are a result of increased options and choice. Back in the “good old days”, when nobody left town in their entire life, only a scant few could afford to be picky, and the rest of the people had to make do with what was available. Nowadays if the woman likes a different flavor of ice cream than you do you swipe left - there’s the expectation that there’s somebody perfect for you, so imperfect doesn’t even deserve a second look.
And if your idea of perfect is derived from pop culture, where somebody can be a complete douche and/or a borderline rapist and still ‘gets the girl’ at the end because the plot says so, then you’re doomed to be disappointed.
As noted, I think that both genders suffer from this, and from the expectation of this. I myself know I’m not perfect, and I’ve withdrawn myself from the dating scene as a result - I think the likelihood that I’ll find a woman who would put up with me is nil. It’s sort of the opposite of the OP’s problem, but has the same result.
I’m 34, so a bit older than the OP, but not by too much. Dating apps were certainly NOT a thing in my day.
I’ve always thought the “dating game” was stupid and pointless. Ever since I can remember, I always wanted to get married and have a family. I decided I wouldn’t date anyone unless the ultimate intention was marriage.
I was 17 when I went on my first date. 17 years later, we’ve been married for nearly 12 years and are expecting our sixth child :).
On the bright side: In another 50 years or so (or maybe 60-70 years, to be on the safe side), demographics predict a female:male ratio significantly larger than 1:1, meaning ladies will be throwing themselves at the OP, assuming he is still sentient and breathing (my father noted this phenomenon when checking out assisted living facilities).
Someone will probably be along soon to suggest other sure-fire dating strategies, like acquiring a cute puppy for walks in the park, attending yoga classes etc.
I am going to join the it’s not a “game”, it’s life crowd and also point out that Chronos’ calculations are wrong (there are more homosexual men than women and more women anyway) to point out that literally the deck is stacked in your favor.
In 60 seconds of thinking about it, I can name 10 female friends that are available and quite lovely in nearly all ways and 2 male friends that are similarly so. You don’t have to do much to make yourself a catch, but you have to at least try! If you are interested in dating, ask people for advice on how to improve yourself (ask your friends and let them know you are serious- if you don’t have any friends willing to help, you may need a greater social change) or even hire a coach/personal shopper to update your look. Actually, just watch the Netflix Queer Eye show. And look at how amazing the transformation is. Quite simply, guys have it 10x easier (honestly look at your competition) than women have it (look at the goods they have to pick from). I only say that slightly tongue in cheek.
That being said, give it some time and be patient. And if you aren’t finding anyone to date at a specific scene, try somewhere or something new.
At it’s most basic, the idea behind dating is to meet people and learn about them. It’s that simple. That’s why you get suggestions to join classes or go where other people are.
If you decide that dating isn’t your thing, then that’s your choice, but if you then bitch about the fact that you never meet anyone, then suck it up cupcake, it was your choice.
I’m 54. I got divorced at 42 after a 15 year relationship. The online thing made life so much easier and I was a kid in a candy store. It was definitely easier for me as a man. I had all kinds of short term flings and a few longer term relationships. I really don’t get the whining. It’s a numbers game. Just put yourself out there.
Try some non-American, non-Western women. Many of them are more practical, down-to-earth people - sure, some may be materialistic, a scam or only chasing after your U.S. passport (assuming you’re an American), but by and large they have better character and better values than what you may find in the West.