Stuff that I keep reading here, like Agent Foxtrot’s sad story, along with that website about “Future Fakers”, has made me wonder why people act in such seemingly pointless and self-denying ways.
Is it fear of intimacy? Broken childhoods? Failed youthful romances which permanently damage you? Combined with an inability or unwillingness to heal from all of that? It just seems to me that life is too short to do and say such silly things-what am I missing?
Obviously not all of them do, of course-what are, conversely, the ones who manage to forge and maintain healthy long-term relationships doing right?
I think several of the women I know who seriously flaked on me actually were sincere in caring about me. That’s when it really sucks - when there is a genuine connection and you have fun together, but it still won’t work.
They just had some sort of issue - anxiety, depression, childhood trauma - that seemed to prevent them from doing what they said they were going to do. I mean in some cases - the seemed to really want to do X - sometimes spent their own money on it - and just wouldn’t follow through.
It seems like as I get older it’s harder and harder to find people who aren’t totally broken. I’m ok with semi broken - I’ve got my own issues, but it hasn’t interfered with my ability to carry on a relationship (or at least I don’t think it has). I’m fine with dealing with issues, but I don’t like feeling like a fool - so if someone says X - does Y - and makes no attempt to make up for it - I move on.
I think the ones that are normal are more or less in a relationship by my age (of course I realize the same can be said about me).
IMO
A lot of people don’t know themselves or what they truly want.
They get lonely/bored and think they want to be in a relationship or they feel like they should be in a relationship, society expects it.
Truth is, they are happier alone.
They go on dating sites not really looking for a relationship, but looking for entertainment. Real connections and real relationships are scary, so they have pretend relationships that amuse them for a while. Then when it gets too serious or they get bored with that game they move on to the next one.
They will tell you they are serious, they are looking for the one, they are so lonely why can’t they find the right person.
Truth is, they don’t want to.
I think they don’t mean to lie to their victims, they can’t tell the truth because the person they lie to the most is themselves. That is also why their lies are so believable, because they believe they are telling the truth.
I think it would be great if these people could just be honest and say, ‘You know, I don’t really want to be in a relationship but I would like to go out sometimes. I’d like to get laid but I don’t want all the baggage/responsibilities/obligations/work that comes with a relationship. Why can’t I meet somebody who just wants to have fun without it going anywhere, just enjoy the here and now with no expectations?’.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting that, you just need to be honest about it.
I know there are players out there who know what they are doing and enjoy the game.
However, I think most people who play games really have no clue of what they are doing. They live in denial of what and who they are, and try to conform to what they think they should be.
It’s sad, because that way everybody gets hurt.
A lot of dating information is really covert status signalling. For example, people wear mountaineering clothing and talk about how much they like hiking when these behaviors are actually very uncommon. Rather, people use them to tell other people that they aren’t looking for a fat partner. Lot’s of other dating information has a similar purpose.
