I know a lot of guys and male “experts” on dating say that the less attractive woman you find, the easier it is to get them to go out on a date, have sex, and enter a long term relationship with you.
Bullocks!
I’m pretty active in the bar scene and on online dating. I would often get turned down. Lately I’ve decided to lower my standards on attractiveness. I get more first dates out of these women, but nothing further.
It seems like I have even less success with slightly unattractive women, long term wise. I find it harder to get prettier girls interested in me, but when I do, they tend to stay interested longer. Opposite with less attractive women, they show more interest at first, but after the first date their interest levels nosedive.
The last one was quite mean about it too. We were supposed to have our second date last Saturday. This morning I find pictures of her and another date (who’s way less attractive than me) plastered all over facebook. I did nothing to her. FML
Just discovering one of many lies people tell about dating and attraction.
WTF??? You think she was being mean to YOU personally because she posted pictures of her ans someone else on Facebook? And you only had one date? You are in some odd fantasy land that I don’t recognize.
BTW, I suggest you avoid phrases like, “I hope you realize I’m lowering my standards to date you.” Maybe that’s the problem.
Plus, you may wish to keep in mind that different people have different standards of “pretty”. In your case, actually, most people’s standards differ a lot from yours, you know…
Being “less attractive” to you does not mean that a woman is less intelligent or less perceptive. It’s really not that hard to notice that a man has singled you out because he figures you’ll be grateful for the attention or because he thinks you’ll lower your standards since you’re lonely.
Do the human race a favor, Diamonds02, and stay out of the relationship game until you can treat a woman like a unique, valuable person in her own right, not a loser you deign to grace with your favors.
Must remember this thread next time certain folks hereabouts are claiming that any man could get free sex on demand if he was prepared to lower his standards.
Anyone can get free sex if they are willing to lower their standards sufficiently.
I have a sincere question…
how does this (emphasis added)
relate in your mind to…
??
Because my instant understanding of “gaming” a woman is basically convince her that in addition to A & B, you are interested in C, when all you really have any genuine interest in is B - once.
So, what is it you are genuinely after? Please be honest, we don’t know you, you risk nothing, and perhaps you will get some good feedback if you tell the truth about your goals. And if your goal is to simply get laid as often as possible by as many women as possible who are as attractive as possible with the least amount of hassle, emotional investment, or expense, please note: there’s nothing wrong with that. You are entitled to seek out sexual gratification in any configuration that you like so long as the people involved are adult and willing. So if that’s it, go ahead and say so and I’ll bet you might get some good advice on how to achieve the greatest success with that.
So apart from wanting to express your irritation with what you believe to be lies you’ve been told, do you have any theories of your own about what the problem is? If a woman finds you sufficiently interesting and/or attractive to agree to go out on a date with you initially, what is your idea about what information she gets from the date that makes her decide not to go on a second one?
Although if the OP is female, this would then count as my realization that a lesbian perhaps might be be interested in attempting to play the “game” just like the player boys do.
On her posting history, which entails many threads bemoaning the horrors of the lesbian dating scene, exactly. I’ll let you do the search on your own. And welcome to the SDMB.
I would feel worse about the gender mixup if I didn’t have several longstanding members keeping me company in my mistaken impression.
However, as I said in the previous post, this ***is ***the first time I thought about lesbians (or gay men) and their experiences with the player’s lifestyle. So, ignorance fought twice over, I suppose.
IME … unattractive women KNOW they’re unattractive. When someone asks them out, depending on their personality, etc., their first instinct may be to run in the other direction because they don’t believe someone could really be into them, and they assume the other person is pursuing them with some kind of bad ulterior motive - either to just amuse themself or to get something out of them.
I pushed MANY guys away in high school for that very reason. I’m a straight female but hell, most women are wired pretty much the same; I can’t think that lesbians would be all that different.
Yeah, kinda the same for me. I know that very few people I’ve dated have ever been first impressed by my looks. It usually takes a while; I grow on people, apparantly. Like moss. So when someone comes up out of nowhere and acts like they can’t keep their eyes off me, I assume it’s a game. Maybe I’ll feel like playing, but it won’t be for longer than a night.
Being of ordinary looks [not bad, at least I never scared kids and small dogs] and very high intelligence, I generally restricted my dating pool to geeks and since this was back in the day RPG gamers. Any time a frat boy acted interested it tended to set off my strange-o-meter. Though I did date a frat boy for about 8 months, I found the dating was better at the geek end of the pool. Geeks and gamers can be amazingly great for dating - they don’t expect to get laid on the first date, they can be induced to bathe more frequently, don’t expect you to watch them adoringly while they play some sport or watch sports with them, and they can generally conduct an intelligent conversation that doesn’t generally involve sports and might involve world politics, scientific discoveries or SF/fantasy [oh, and frequently they had jobs that paid serious money instead of working for daddy while still acting like a frat boy after graduation.]
Welcome to the bar scene. If you aren’t getting shot down, you aren’t trying.
If you don’t believe that people can smell out condescension you are sadly mistaken. You’re probably fortunately that these women aren’t slipping out the back door when they use the restroom.
That used to be my goal when I was younger. To bed as many hot girls as possible.
As I am getting older, being in a serious LTR is the most imporatant. Sex is waaaay behind, now. I don’t give a shit about having sex, in fact I want to delay it as far as I can. Because I am seeking a LTR, looks are becoming less important. As long as they aren’t hideous, I have a growing attraction to some women who are less than conventionally attractive. These women may be lacking somewhat in the looks department, but they may be super smart, extremely funny, have high charisma/swagger, or have high income.
For those who say that it may be showing. I doubt it. And a better way to put it, I am indeed attracted to them (there’s nothing to “hide”) While I might not have a strong sexual attraction to them (at first), I am attracted and interested in them in other ways.
Oh, and dykes are the hugest players ever! The u-haul lesbian thing is just a stereotype. I mean, I consider myself as one, but I think I am in the minority. So are gay men. Gay men get laid the most, out of any group.
