Why I will no longer vanity search...

Or, how Autolycus made me pee my pants.

Here I sit, bored at work. I’ve got 2 hours and 20 minutes left of my work week and about 45 mins of actual work to do. So, I’m trying to stretch it out so that I’m not forced to start something at the end of today. I work 10 hour days, 4 days a week - which is why I’ll be done for the week on a Thursday. It is also why I don’t want to start in on a new project that I will likely forget the details of in three days when I get back to it. So, I find myself surfing the Dope. Having read all I care to under the ‘new post’ search, I decided to do a vanity search. Maybe to see if anyone is talking about me (yeah right), mostly to see if I can find any old interesting threads to re-read.

And that’s when I came across a thread which I didn’t know existed. A thread in which I obviously started, yet never read. A thread that was mostly gibberish and apparently somehow racist(?). I read my OP a couple of times - thinking all the while it must be a joke. Someone pranked me good! Somehow they got ahold of my computer or my username and decided to post gibberish.

Wait a minute. An inkling of recognition…
wavy lines…
diddle a de, diddle a de, diddle a de
::waves hands in a flashback motion::

Ah, here I am at the local watering hole. My buddy and I got together for our regular Thursday night bar adventure. Normally, it’s just drinking and playing some cards or rolling dice. Sometimes we shoot darts or pool. But it’s just a weekly guys night out type of a thing. Our barkeep knows us by name and gives me an earful if I miss a thurs night. She comes over and asks me if I want the usual.

The usual? Am I really that predictable? What has happened to my spontaneity? So, out of nowhere, I decide to throw her a curveball.
“No!” says I.
“Gimme a Blue Lagoon!”

Why would I order such a drink? Where could I have heard such a thing? Why, on the dope of course! I believe it was on one of Autolycus’ early ramblings in which he mentioned and viciously defended his azul drink of choice.

Both the barkeep and my buddy gave me a perplexed look. A bright blue concoction, adorned with an umbrella was soon presented in front of me. A far cry from my regular order of Jack and Coke, this tasted almost exactly like KoolAid. My buddy, being a good sport, decided that he’d have one as well.

Let me tell ya, they are delicious! But, what is not expected is the warmth in your stomach after each drink. The warmth that is only caused by drinking a very stiff beverage. Well after each of us enjoyed two pints of Blue Lagoon, we were feeling adventurous. We managed to get the drink recipe rollodex from the barkeep and looked for the fruitiest, fanciest, drinks - and proceeded to order one of each.

Fast forward a few hours. Both my buddy and I are plowed. Normally our Thurs night involve just a couple of drinks and we head home with barely a buzz to show for it. Well, not so on this fateful night. Nope, on this night we were loud, obnoxious, and the barkeep finally suggested that we should call it a night. Call it a night? What a horrible idea! We were just getting going. It was about that time that my buddy puked on my shoes.

Well, that made the suggestion of us leaving more of a demand. I’m not one to try and get banned from my favorite local pub, so we obliged. Luckily, we both live within walking distance for we were in no shape to operate a motor vehicle. And as it would soon become apparent, I was in no shape to operate a computer either.

I got home and I really wanted to get on the Dope to tell Autolycus of all the trouble he had caused. But, when I tried to string more than two letters together to form a word, only gibberish appeared on the screen. I found myself typing one letter at a time and still having to delete and retype every 3rd letter. I finally gave up and deleted the whole mess. I vaguely remember quoting some hilarious[sup]*[/sup] lines from Team America World Police and then thinking that maybe I’d lay down on the floor - just for a minute.

I awoke several hours later. Mostly because I realized I was wet and cold. Why was I cold? Because I was wet. Why was I wet? Well, I had apparently pissed my pants. Before anyone tells me of the dangers of drinking and how bad drinking to blackout is, trust me, I know. I don’t drink often. And, when I do drink, it’s very much in moderation. However, I had been duped. Just because a drink tastes like Kool-Aid, it doesn’t me it can’t have the alcohol content of everclear, apparently.

Luckily - very luckily - for me, my wife was out of town that weekend. She rarely travels for business (once or twice a year) and this just happened to be one of the time that she did. So, I was able to throw all my clothes in the washer, mop up the floor, and take a shower. I went back to sleep and no one was ever the wiser.

So, what have I learned? Don’t vanity search. It can bring back memories that you don’t want. And, don’t judge a drink by it’s taste!

Now you got me scared. I’m much too chicken to do a vanity search. How about a link?

There will be no links. I can’t get the search to work again. The gibberish post is really not worth reading anyway.

If someone, say me, hypothetically found the post, would he or she have your consent to link to it?

If nothing else, it’ll show the dangers of drinking Blue Lagoons and posting drunk and watching anything by Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

Who am I kidding, I’m only trying to justify a stupid OP.

Sure link away. If I wasn’t prepared to be pointed and laughed at, I wouldn’t have started this thread.

There’s a contradiction in there… You ‘saw’ a post you couldn’t account for, but you ‘gave up’ on the gibberish post. Did ‘giving up’ take the form of hitting submit? Any chance of a link? (I don’t mean that in the usual SDMB narky way. I’m curious)

Nice story btw… Coupla years ago It’d be a regular thing for me to wake up, read the dope, and my heart would sink upon seeing what utter shite I’d posted the previous night.

Talking of bad films… Make sure you see ‘Postal’ before you die. It’s so bad you have to see it to see how bad it is.

Ahh, yes I see.
Let me clarify. I gave up on the post that had sat down intending to write. I gave up and deleted that when I realized it would take me an hour to get much more than a legible paragraph typed.

That’s when I realized all I could type was gibberish, so when I said I quoted, lines, I actually typed them. I kinda remember trying to type out the gibberish that Matt and Trey used in that movie since they obviously had no intention of learning what language is spoken in Iraq.

But I don’t remember typing exactly what was in the OP and I certainly don’t recall hitting submit.

And now the search function doesn’t work for me at all, so no link.
ETA: thanks Queen of Town.

I now see that Auto even posted in the thread in which he unknowingly inspired.

Et voila.

I actually had to laugh out loud here: I remember that thread (I think I opened it because it was locked, and I wanted to see the roadkill), and I remember thinking “Whoa, brewha had too much to drink!” :smiley:

You know…vanity searches don’t work for me…

So, what’s in a Blue Lagoon, anyway? :smiley:

Meh.

You ain’t had a morning after until you’ve done a vanity search and discovered that last night you started a thread titled breathings, and dleaorations of a delf.

Now, just right a whole book of that, and you can call it Finnegan’s Wake.

I think we’ve just discovered the easy way to literary acclaim!

Valete,
Vox Imperatoris

Hey, how about next time you let me know, huh? It took me six months to find out I had made an ass outta myself! :D…:smack:
Kat, I’m not entirely sure what all is in a blue lagoon, but the ingredients, when mixed together, equal pure evil!

Vodka, Blue Caraca, Lemonade, and a cherry.

At least according to first google answer. Sounds like a drink you could mix much stronger than 1oz. vodka and 1oz. blue caraca, if one were so inclined.

Ahh, derka derrrrka. Mohammed jihad!

Nah… what fun would that be?:stuck_out_tongue:

Six months? That thread was from 2007, amigo. How long did you sleep?