So, in effect – in a very real and legally binding sense – we can say that Baby Jesus strangles kittens?
Not many people know this but, that is not hypothetical. It really happened.
But only once, back in 1690.
Sounds like an urban legend to me. Did you check with snopes? In the kitty section?
“Can I just take the money?”
“There IS no money! Just the curtain and… the lonely guy.”
“What could be in there?”
“In his pants?”
“In the curtain!”
“Doesn’t anybody care what’s in my pants?”
That brings up another interesting question.
When Baby Jesus dropped a load in his diapers, would that have been referred to as HOLY SHIT???
Baking soda?
Well, if an old, half-eaten cheese sammich can fetch over $20,000 on ebay, what would be the going price for fresh god crap?
Right on that, I also think the Baby Jesus is too big to fit in a casio. 
According to what I could make out from my Catholic upbringing (before being excommunicated, that is), is that God is in everything. Including Sterter Musical Keyboards. And gum.
Starter ones, too.
Dang, that’s right. :smack:
He’s a shifty one, that Jesus.
Though, y’know, while you might be able to sneak Crying Baby Jesus into a casino by hiding him in a Casio, I’m betting dollars to donuts that the muffled whimpering would give him away.
Well, that’s what the kitten is for. You blame the muffled wimpering on the cute little fur-ball. 'Course, considering the poor thing is locked away with that pervert Baby Jesus, she may be doing some muffled wimpering of her own…
This thread has made me cry … with laughter.
I was pondering the subject of this thread over dinner, and a few queries have popped up.
First, is the kitten killed upon one masturbator masturbating, or would you need nine different masturbators?
I have always heard that curiosity killed the cat. Does that mean that curiosity, in addition to masturbation, kills kittens? For example, does my pondering this thread out of curiosity harm kittens in any way? Or is it just the kitten’s own curiosity that is harmful. Or, if it is people curiosity that is dangerous, perhaps rather than a general, “if you’re curious a kitten will die”, it’s more specific masturbatory curiousity that causes the problem…perhaps a kitten dies when you think, “gee, I wonder what it feels like when I touch myself…here…oh yeah!” [mew…]
Does the gender of the masturbator have any effect upon the determination of the gender of the kitten to be killed? Male masturbator = dead boy kitty, etc.?
If masturbation makes Baby Jesus cry, how come he doesn’t simply not watch? I mean, every time I watch the movie, “My Girl” I get all freakin’ boo-hoo-ey. So I don’t watch. It’s not hard to figure that one out, Crying Baby Jesus.
That’s all I’m wondering for now, but I do reserve the right to wonder additional facets at a later time or date.
Funny that just now a Scrubs commercial came on where one of the guys says, “Have you ever seen a drunk baby?” Now that would make the Baby Jesus cry. Would probably give Him hiccups too.
Does that make Jesus curious? Cuz, ya know…with the omnipotence thing that he’s got going on, curiosity ain’t gonna play too well with the masses.
So, what you’re saying is that you think Baby Jesus would be one of those annoying weepy drunks? Why not a happy drunk? I know I’d prefer my supreme being to be the giggley drunk that finds everything funny. I definitely wouldn’t want the Baby Jesus to be a mean drunk that just goes around smiting everyone in the bar.
Can Baby Jesus smite people or is that just his dad?
And where is the Holy Spirit during all of this? Is that what got Baby Jesus drunk, Holy Spirits? I doubt it was Zima … now that would make Baby Jesus cry.
I’ve heard that everytime a woman masturbates, God creates a puppy. So is this a fair trade or not?