For the fucking third time in two years someone has told me they want to commit suicide. I’m a very paraniod person so I can’t take this very lightly. It’s always the same thing “The world hates me and I hate myself so there’s no point going on” YOUR LOGIC FUCKING SUCKS! The last thing I need is to walk around wondering if your really going to do it or not. I CAN’T GIVE YOU HELP, TALK TO A SHRINK OR OTHER PROFESSIONAL IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS! Why must other people always come to me for help, all I can do is say that it would be a bad choice and there are people here that care about you, but you don’t believe me so what does it matter?! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
OK, instead of feeling so sorry for yourself, how about acknowledging that the people who are telling you of their intentions need some immediate help themselves. They are not doing this to piss you off, or to fuel your paranoia. They have confided their intentions to you because they feel (for whatever reason) that you might be able to help them out of their situation…whether by your own counsel or by directing them to the professional help they so desperately need. It is actually a compliment that they are able to trust you in this way.
Sure, it may just be the way in which your OP was written, but you come across as whiney and self-centred. Do you just listen to your friends and then go on your merry way, or do you endeavour to get them to a Dr/agency who are better equipped to see them through their crisis? It is very hard to tell from your post, so I’m not sure whether I am sympathetic or whether I should tell you to be a bit more compassionate.
It is a very difficult situation to be in when a close friend is so depressed that they are contemplating suicide, but just try to imagine how THEY might be feeling. You might be the chance for them to get well again, but if you are so overwhelmed by the responsibility (even of referring them to someone who CAN help) then I’m not really sure what sort of a friend you are.
In other words, can you fill us in a bit more here? Please?
You might try sending your friends to this web site:
kambuckta, sorry if it seemed “whiney and self-centred”. It was written with a mixture of fear and frustration. Fear that she might do it and I won’t be there to stop her and frustration that if I don’t tell anyone and she does it it is my fault, and if I tell someone and she becomes angered at me and does it, it’s my fault. I tried to talk to her last night when she told me but when I told her I didn’t want her to commit suicide she just responded with “why would you care” and it didn’t seem that I was getting anywhere. The last person who told me they wanted to commit suicide I tried to help for some time then informed our school counselor of her problem. Now she won’t talk to me becuase I “broke her trust”. Right now I’m just at a loss for what to do.
dwc1970, thanks for the link.
Brilharma, I was once suicidal and if you would like to know how to help those people E-mail me…at kissygrl06@yahoo.com…maybe I could help 
I know what you mean, bril. I once had a suicidal boyfriend and it really tore me apart. He didn’t do it, in the end. I don’t know how much was because of my taking on his pain (“if he does it, it will be my fault because I haven’t done enough for him!”) but I know it’s a situation I never, ever want to be in again.
Now I am very wary of people opening up to me in that way. It’s not like they say “I want to kill myself” and I say “Don’t stress me out!”, it’s more like I make it a habit to avoid being the friend that people share their deepest secrets with. It’s probably cost me some friendships and I know I’m missing out on some emotional intimacy.
I know it’s kind of shallow to say “I don’t want to hear your problems because I’m scared of getting hurt” but the scars are still there.
If someone did confide that to me again, I would be supportive and do everything I could. I just really don’t want it to happen. And so far, touch wood, the situation has never come up.
Brilharma - you don’t sound self-centered to me. You sound panicked.
Threats of suicide cannot be taken lightly. Ever.
If you had a good relationship with the counselor, perhaps you could talk to her and ask her to use a ruse (professionally, she’ll have to call it a round-about way) to talk with your friend. If she could call her in under the guise of something general, and then probe, well, that’s one possible solution.
Of course, you need to remember that you can’t control this situation. Perhaps you negotiate a blame-free way for the counselor to intervene, but your friend refuses to show up, or maybe she decides to run away with Bill the speedfreak older guy and is never heard from again, or maybe she’s so afraid of her demons that she becomes a nun. We can play what if all day. You can’t control this situation. You are not responsible for the outcome. You are not responsible for actions of anyone else.
In any case, this is such a stressful situation for you and you should be talking to someone, someone who is either professional or a responsible adult close to you, about your dilemma.
Good luck.
Most of my friends confide in me constantly about such things when they arise. As a matter of fact, sometimes I wonder if I just attract weak people. Regardless, it is pretty annoying, because you want to help of course, but it gets irritating because you can’t, really. I tend not to advise to go to a psychiatrist, as I didn’t find them useful, in my day, but I do give it as a possibility, if they think it might help. Personally, I’d just sit and listen to them, and correct them where they’re wrong. Most common err “I’m x (ugly horrible wretched evil, most negative adjectives)”… and in response I’ve found the best thing to say is that they’re exactly who they are, and they’re a perfect them. I’ve found it gives some perspective, but my friends are weird. Alternatively, you could give the person a big 'ol hug and tell them that you’re there for them regardless of how horrible they believe they are. That usually helps, good luck.
When I read the title of this thread, I thought the same thing the same thing about myself, and then I remembered that I am a therapist and it is kind of my job.
But in all seriousness, if you trust your counselor and feel comfortable talking to him/her than that is the best idea. If nothing else, you don’t have to feel like you are going through it alone, and can get some “professional” advice. I went through a similar thing in high school, and I went to my counselor and asked for advice, but without giving up my friends name. She was supportive and encouraging with what I could do.
If there is a serious risk or formation of a suicide plan, than you may want to tell someone. It is better to have a safe person mad at you than a friend who goes through with it.
In whatever happens, good luck.
On a tangent, a writer in my class wrote a very unique poem about talking to a suicidal friend, in which she asked how she was going to do it. The response each time was “no, that’s too messy” or “I can’t afford pills” (etc.), and I just thought it was a neat perspective…
Anyway, carry on.
I’m wondering if this really belongs in the Pit? However, I also concur that this is not a subject for levity or sarcasm, so I’ll go ahead with my non-Pit response:
I had a girlfriend once who used to say this and “attempted” suicide a couple times (both guaranteed-to-fail attention getters, not serious attempts).
I hate to parrot the favorite advice of Ann Landers here, but I think you’ve already hit on the solution: I WOULD say: “I CAN’T GIVE YOU HELP, TALK TO A SHRINK OR OTHER PROFESSIONAL.” I might even say it firmly/forcefully as your all-caps would indicate. Period.
I think it is manipulative and unfair to say this to you unless you’re talking about extremely close friends. People are probably doing this because they know or sense that you WILL react to it. They’re playing you like a violin! It’s probably a manifestation of the cry for attention. Just play “scratched record” and keep saying “seek professional help.”
Shouldn’t you be glad to learn that they’re out to get somebody besides you?
I’m not going to acknowledge the other posts until I respond to this one.
I am familiar with your experiences. The fact is, most of the time, the person is not actually serious. However, you are probably like me…you are not willing to take this chance.
I did lose a friend to suicide once. I have had two other friends since confide in me. Here is what I told them (a paraphrase):
“Dude…I lost a friend to suicide once. I think you should truly look at what you are contemplating and what it will do to your friends. I know you are a person of compassion, so I know that you have the right mind to understand how people you know will be hurt. I can’t give you any other advice besides this…and a phone number. I want you to call this number (local support number). They can help you.”
Of course, one of the prices of friendship is the willingness to listen. Most of the time, the people contemplating suicide are the ones who need that ear.
Good luck to you…I hope you don’t end up with a situation like mine.
Sounds to me like the latter person didn’t want to kill herself that badly…but you did the right thing in ensuring that was true. I have a feeling that she will either one day thank you even if you never hear her do it in person.
Thanks everyone, since the problem has been solved I will ask a moderator to close the thread.
Thanks again,
~Brilharma